


Put Out The Fire On Us

by I_Already_Forgot



Category: South Park, sp - Fandom
Genre: Kyman - Freeform, M/M, NSFW, Survival cuddling, Underage Drinking, all characters 18+, cartyle, cuddling for warmth, kyleman, lol what do i tag that is there a name for that trope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:42:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Already_Forgot/pseuds/I_Already_Forgot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cartman cheats at a bet he'd made with Kyle and when the other refuses to pay him Cartman decides to get creative. Kyle knows not to let Cartman goad him into anything, but in the end his ego wins out and through a series of poor decision making they find themselves stranded in the woods all night, handcuffed together, bruised and battered. They have to work together in order to make it through and the near-death experience forces them to talk in ways they haven't before. The ordeal sheds new light on their friendship, and Kyle wonders if things will ever be able to go back to the way they used to be, or if he even really wants them to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

       Kyle woke up knowing that today was just going to be one of those days. His suspicions were confirmed when he stepped on and broke his favorite pencil immediately upon getting out of bed, again when he cut himself shaving, and once more when he accidentally applied his mom’s lavender perfume instead of his aftershave. (Why do they make the bottles look so similar?)

       Kyle can practically hear his mom’s voice in his head telling him to think positive thoughts; saying how negativity is only a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if there’s anything Kyle has learned in his 18 years, it’s that sometimes life just decides to take a giant heaping dump on you and there’s nothing you can do about it, and Kyle likes to think he’s become somewhat of a savant when it comes to predicting these times. Growing up in a town like South Park makes this a pretty essential ability to have. Having dealt with the sheer amount of bullshit that he has, Kyle thinks people should trust him when he get’s a bad feeling.

       Kyle goes about his morning routine as usual, if not with a little extra caution.  
Once he’s done shoveling his bowl of frosted flakes into his mouth and tugging on yesterday’s jeans, a worn out Game Cube t-shirt, and his most comfortable fur-lined green hoodie, he reaches down to grab his backpack off the floor where he’d left it by his desk. He pauses when he notices the folded piece of paper resting on top of it. Kyle groans, he’d left it there to remind himself of the field trip his Biology class is going on today. He unfolds the paper and scowls down at the handout they’d received the previous week.

       They were all going on a two-hour bus ride to take a tour of the Park County Forest Reservation and make notes on native plant species. Meaning they were all going to wander around in the forest for hours listening to a park ranger drone on about different moss types. The best part, Kyle thinks sarcastically as he scoops up his bag and slings the straps over his shoulders, is that the only friends he has in Biology are Butters and Cartman. The latter of whom he’d just “lost” a bet to two days earlier during a session of Halo.

       Kyle grits his teeth as he descends the stairs toward his front door. Like hell he’s gonna pay Cartman $15, he’d been relentlessly poking and jabbing at him and covering up Kyle’s eyes the entire time he was playing. And when Kyle died he’d done this ridiculous victory dance and sang a stupid little song that mainly consisted of “Cartman has mad skills, Kyle’s got zero kills” along with a colorful variety of name-calling.

       Kyle hadn’t been having the best day, Ike had flushed his favorite pair of headphones down the toilet in retaliation for a comment Kyle had made about his hair flip; so let’s just say he wasn’t exactly in a patient mood. Kyle had stood up abruptly and kicked Cartman in the shin, (admittedly, harder than he’d meant to), and stamped out to the sounds of Cartman’s annoyingly high-pitched whining. That was the last time Kyle had seen Cartman, so he’s not exactly looking forward to spending the entire school day with him.

       Sure he can hang out with Butters, Kyle genuinely likes Butters, but sometimes he isn’t exactly sure what to say to him. Butters is the type of person that’s always optimistic and upbeat, he’s generally nice to everyone and sees the best in any situation, where Kyle finds that he’s grown slightly cynical and tends to drift through life with very low expectations for pretty much everything. If Kyle hadn’t grown up with Butters and known him the way he does, he’d probably think Butters’ naivety and kindness is to disguise ulterior motives. But he knows that’s just the way Butters is, and secretly he envies him for it.

       Before he leaves Kyle remembers he was supposed to bring a pack lunch today since the cafeteria food won’t be an option; he curses under his breath and speed walks to the kitchen. He hastily shoves a couple Fruit By The Foot’s into his backpack along with an off-brand Twinkie and a box of Wheat Thins that’s about a quarter of the way full. Kyle frowns at the clock on his phone and decides that’ll have to do. He locks the door behind himself since he’s the last person to leave in the morning, and starts walking. Ike had gotten good enough grades to get into a fancy private school in North Park so he left earlier than Kyle on a different bus. Kyle actually has good enough grades to go there as well but he chose to go to public school with his friends and save his parents the money even though they protested it.

       The walk to the bus stop is surprisingly chilly, the wind bites at his cheeks and whips around the tufts of red curls that managed to escape from beneath the grey beanie he’d quickly tugged on his head before stepping outside. The sky is a giant mass of thick grey clouds that are making the world seem monochrome and eerie. A thin layer of fog has settled over the town and halfway to the Bus stop Kyle is wishing he’d thought to bring a scarf.  
As he rounds the corner and the bus stop comes into view, the first thing he sees is Cartman’s bulky form clad in the leather jacket he’d started wearing junior year. He always insists on wearing the collar popped up, and just the sight of it still makes Kyle want to roll his eyes every time.

      Cartman appears to be talking animatedly to Kenny who still looks half asleep, but has his mouth quirked up into a mischievous smirk. Kyle can’t make out what Cartman’s saying yet because he’s still too far away, but he appears to be very passionate about it and is waving his arms in the air. Beside Kenny Kyle can just make out Stan’s profile; he’s tapping out something on his phone in that slow methodical way of his. Just as Kyle’s wondering who he’s texting his phone buzzes in his pocket and he smiles to himself. He doesn’t bother checking it; he knows it’s just Stan telling him to hurry up, or saying good morning. He’ll always include at least one ridiculous emoji that he types out by hand and always puts a nose in.

       Kyle just speeds up his walking a bit more, and when he get’s closer Stan glances up and smiles at Kyle’s approaching form and does a quick little wave. Kenny takes slightly longer to notice Kyle because he seems to be engrossed in Cartman’s story, but once Kyle’s within ten feet he looks over and grins and says, “Hey, ‘sup dude?”

       The overarching feeling of foreboding melts away slightly as Kyle’s comforted by the presence of his friends.  
Kyle takes his place between Stan and Kenny and opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by Cartman speaking in a patronizing tone.

       “Oh, how good of you to finally show up Kyle, thought I’d have to take a trip to your house after school to collect my winnings.”

       Kyle scowls and adjusts the straps of his backpack where they’re digging into his shoulders. “I’m not paying you fatass, you didn’t win shit, you cheated.”

       Cartman gasps and feigns surprise as he clutches at his heart, “Well, see Kyle, how I remember it is that I was kicking your ass at all videos games, ever, like I always do, and enraged by my mad skills you demanded a competition. I won said competition, and instead of receiving my compensation, I was kicked in the shin by a hysterical Jew. Now I assumed you were just PMS-ing and I could wait, but this is just getting ridiculous.”

       “You. Didn’t. Win. You. Cheated.” Kyle spits out each word angrily and leans in front of Kenny so that he can jab his finger into Cartman’s chest to enunciate.

       “Dude, I thought you were done making bets with Cartman.” Stan says, quirking an eyebrow.

       “He’s said that like fifty times.” Kenny adds helpfully.

       “Well I would’ve won if Cartman hadn’t CHEATED AND LITERALLY FORCED ME TO LOSE.” Kyle yells.

       “I won that fair and square, don’t blame your shitty gaming abilities on me. You made a legally binding agreement Kyle.” Cartman says, puffing himself up and standing taller.

       After puberty Kyle just seemed to keep growing and growing; he and Stan are around the same height and the tallest in their group. Kyle now stands at least a good two and a half taller than Cartman and he never get’s tired of lording it over him. Kyle matches Cartman’s stance and gives him a death glare while he steps closer into the other boy’s personal space in an intimidating manner.

       “How much did you bet?” Kenny asks, obviously attempting to diffuse the situation.

       “Just fifteen bucks.” Cartman replies, maintaining furious eye contact with Kyle while his voice takes on a slightly whinier pitch.

       “That’s not even that much. Kyle just pay him you know how he get’s, don’t make this into a thing.” Stan pleads.

       “I’m not going to pay him fifteen dollars for fucking cheating at Halo!” Kyle yells, swiveling to direct his glare at Stan instead who puts his hands up in surrender.

       Cartman sighs dramatically and says, “Alright, I anticipated this, you are a Jew after all, one can really only expect this reaction when it comes to money, even when it rightly belongs to someone else.”

       “I-“ Kyle begins furiously but is cut off by Cartman, “SO, I’m willing to let you off easy. Instead of paying me the fifteen, you have to be my partner on the field trip today.”

       Kyle frowns. “What. Why?”

       “This is a once in a lifetime, incredibly generous offer that I’m not sure you should be questioning, Kyle.”

       Kyle stares at him trying to figure out his angle, the gears turning in his brain.

       “Going once,” Cartman says.

       Kyle sizes him up, squints, swallows. “Deal.”

       “Whoa, Kyle c’mon, he’s obviously got some plan to fuck with you. You guys are going to a National Forest, do you really want to be fucked with by Cartman, alone, in the WOODS? Just pay him man, for your own safety.”

       “Oh please, I can handle anything he dishes out.” Kyle says in a condescending tone.

       “Yeah, you heard him Stan, a Jew knows a good deal when he hears one.”

       The bus pulls up to the curb and the breaks let out a deafening screech as it grinds to a halt. Cartman spits in the palm of his hand and holds it out to shake and Kyle grimaces.

       “I’m not touching your spit, you freak.” Kyle says as he climbs onto the bus. Kenny snorts behind him and Cartman grumbles angrily as he wipes his hand on his ratty jeans.

       Kyle takes his seat next to Stan and abruptly puts his forehead against the cold plastic of the seat in front of theirs.  
Kyle knows he just screwed himself, just put himself in the exact type of situation this ominous feeling has been trying to warn him about all morning; but dammit, Cartman pushes his buttons. There’s NO WAY he’ll pay him that money, and more than anything Kyle wants to see the look on Cartman’s face when he inevitably foils whatever crappy half-cocked prank he’s come up with.

       Kyle takes a deep breath and can taste the dust from the seats in the back of his throat.  
       He is so screwed.

 

* * *

 

       Kyle has one class before he leaves for the field trip, and it’s one of his favorites. Its History of Architecture and he and Stan are sat right next to each other in the very back. He relaxes a bit and spends the class joking with Stan about the ridiculous action movie they’d gone to see on Saturday. The nagging sense of worry never really leaves his mind though, and too soon he’s begrudgingly making his way toward the front of the school where his Biology class is filing onto a school bus marked 22. Their teacher, Mrs. Reynold, is checking Students’ names off a list as they get on. Kyle takes his place in line and is nearing the front when Cartman’s familiar drawl sounds from behind him.

       “Hey partner.” He says.

       Kyle turns to see Cartman elbowing Dougie backward to cut him in line in order to stand next to Kyle.

       Kyle sighs, “Hey Cartman.”

       “Should be a fun trip today, huh?” He replies in his fake nice voice.

       Kyle rolls his eyes, “Oh yeah, wandering around the forest all day talking about different kinds of indigenous mushrooms, should be thrilling.”

       Cartman opens his mouth to respond but Butters appears suddenly and says, “Boy, I bet so too! I bet there’ll even be lots of cute chipmunks ‘n stuff. I’d rather look at chipmunks than do schoolwork any day of the week, right fellas?”

       “I’m sure they’ll still find a way to make us do school work Butters, they take some sick pleasure in it.” Cartman says, shouldering Butter’s back farther behind him.

       Butters doesn’t seem to take offense and steps forward again and asks in the same chipper tone, “Have you guys decided on a buddy yet? Mrs. Reynold says we all have to choose a buddy to do research with, a- an write a report with tomorrow.”

       “Yes Butters, Kyle has actually already agreed to be my partner. He practically begged me, it was a little embarrassing.”

       Kyle scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Yeah, that’s what happened.” He says sarcastically.

       Butters looks between them with a smile and says, “Gee, you guys will make a great team.” Kyle has to close his eyes and take a deep breath at the fact that there's no sarcasm Butters' words.

       “Mr. Broflovski.” Kyle looks over at the voice of his teacher and realizes he’s holding up the line. He quickly shuffles onto the bus and watches as she ticks off his name on the list.

       Kyle sits down in a seat near the back of the bus and closes his eyes in a silent prayer that is interrupted by Cartman thumping down into the seat beside him.They sit in silence as they wait for the rest of the kids to show up and board the bus.

       Cartman’s a few inches shorter than Kyle but he’s a lot bigger and is taking up more of the seat than probably necessary. He’s not borderline obese like he was when they were kids, but he’s definitely still overweight. Mostly though, he’s just big. Where Kyle is wiry and lanky, Cartman is thick and broad shouldered. He’s around average height, maybe a little under, but he’d probably be a good fit on the football team if he didn’t hate all physical exercise with a fiery passion. The only time Cartman seems to enjoy any type of sport is when he's playing casually with his friends, and Kyle has the sneaking suspicion that it's only because he spends the vast majority of the time fucking with all of them mercilessly and throwing taunts in an attempt to psych them out. 

       The bus rumbles to life and Kyle tries to drag his mind to other things besides Cartman, but the silence and close proximity is making it difficult. Kyle feels restless and a bit trapped with the window pressed to his left side and Cartman radiating heat on the other.

       Cartman has always been somewhat of an enigma to Kyle. They fight constantly and hold a large amount of contempt for each other, possibly even hate each other, but they’re still friends somehow. In all honesty, Kyle can’t imagine a life where he’s not friends with Cartman; they’d been such integral parts of each other’s lives for as long as he can remember. Kyle has lost many nights dreaming of ways to murder Eric Cartman, but even still, he’s never been able to walk away from the friendship. None of them have.

       To be fair, Cartman has calmed down a significant amount as he’s gotten older. Kyle thinks it started sometime around middle school. He gradually started spending less time terrorizing everyone, and went through this phase where he was really quiet and depressed all the time. It was only for about a year, but Kyle remembers it being really surreal and uncomfortable. It wasn’t like the Goth kids, or when Stan goes through an existential crisis. All of Cartman’s fight just seemed to have left him, and Kyle remembers that seeing Cartman without his usual ridiculous level of confidence and narcissism made his stomach hurt.

       In freshman year of high school, for some reason, he seemed to get a lot better. Meaning he got back to generally being an asshole and picking fights with Kyle every chance he got. He’d never done anything as bad as when they were kids; his antics mostly stuck to stuff like putting cow poop in Butters’ locker and stuffing shrimp in the marching band’s tubas. Kyle had actually thought that one was pretty awesome. Kyle hadn’t thought it was very awesome, however, when he’d taped up hundreds of copies of a picture of Kyle’s face photoshopped onto a hideous body with a little pill sized dick all over campus. Kyle grits his teeth and fumes at the memory.

       “What did you fellas get up to this weekend?” Butters’ head suddenly appears from behind the seat in front of them.

       “I went to a movie on Saturday and-“ Kyle begins before Cartman interrupts him with, “And on Sunday I won at Halo and also the bet we had made, and then Kyle jewed me out of my money.”

       “And on Sunday we played Halo and Cartman cheated at video games, and also the bet we made, because he’s a big whiny pissbaby.” Kyle finishes.

       Butters’ eyes are wide and flickering between them as he says, “W-well, I went to that new arcade that opened up over by the movie theater, it’s really cool! They have all sorts of new games I never even played before. It’s way better than the one that used to be in the mall that closed. You remember that one Eric?”

       “Psh, yeah, that one sucked balls. All the games were 75 cents and half of the time they didn’t even work.”

       “Y-yeah! Well one time we went an’ I ran outta quarters and ol’ Eric gave me two whole dollars to keep playing. He can be real generous sometimes, huh Kyle?”

       “Uh, not exactly the word I’d use.” Kyle says, squinting at him and trying to figure out where the hell that’d come from.

       Cartman coughs suddenly and sits forward slightly, “Was a waste anyway, you fucking suck at games dude, buzz off.”

       Butters frowns at him and spins back around in his seat to start chatting with Dougie again. Kyle glances at Cartman out of the corner of his eye, trying to make sense of that weird exchange. Cartman is pretending not to notice him and picking roughly at his cuticles. Kyle decides to let it be and they spend the rest of the bus ride in relative silence. They try to play Words With Friends for a while but they get too competitive, and the trash talk starts getting too real. When they get to the point where they’ve just devolved into violently elbowing each other in the ribs, they decide to stop.

       Cartman plays Candy Crush on his phone and Kyle just watches the scenery roll by as he tries to empty his mind.  
It feels like days by the time they arrive at the reservation.

       Cartman stands and takes his sweet time stretching out as the class empties off the bus. Kyle looks away from where Cartman’s jacket and shirt ride up on his stomach while he stretches his arms overhead. Kyle shifts in the seat and shoves at Cartman’s hip with his sneaker. “Hurry up asshole, everyone’s already off the bus.”

       Cartman snorts but moves down the isle and out of Kyle’s way. “Real eager to get to those chipmunks, huh?”

       Kyle smirks slightly as he stands and follows behind him, down the metal steps, and off the bus.

       They’re standing in front of a large wooden lodge with the words “Park County Forest Reservation” written in a truly terrible font prominently displayed across the front. There’s a large clearing and several cars parked out front, but other than that they’re surrounded by nothing but dense green forest. Kyle can see several paths branching off in different directions into the woods, all with different signs stating the names of the trails.

       The class stands around and chatters for a few minutes before a middle-aged park Ranger strolls out of the lodge to greet them. His hair is thinning and he has thick glasses that seem a little too small for his face. He tells them his name is Richard Cox and Kyle can’t help but laugh at the look of pure joy that forms on Cartman’s face.

       “Your name is Dick Cox?” Cartman asks with a huge grin.

       The man frowns at him and says, “I go by Richard, actually.”

       “I’m gonna call you Dicky Cox.” Cartman tells him.

       “Alrighty, let’s get started." The ranger claps his hands and continues as if he'd never been interrupted. "First, I’m going to take you through our museum and we’ll talk about all the different types of trees we’re going to be seeing today.” He says as he leads the class into the lodge. He continues to drone on about all the different species of plants they’re going to be encountering and endangered insects as he gestures to different posters on the walls, and slabs of different kinds of wood they have on display.

       “I’m so glad we get to look at all these pictures of plants before we have to go and look at the actual plants.” Kyle mumbles. He didn’t think that Cartman had heard him but he lets out a snort of laughter.

       Dicky leads them to a room filled with a bunch of different plastic plants and scenes of creepy taxidermy forest animals. He leads them between each display and tells them facts about the animals and their diets and roles in the ecosystem. They come to a particularly disturbing display of a couple beavers building a damn in a river made from blue cloth. One of the beavers is inexplicably missing an arm and the other has a menacing look on its face. It’s long buck teeth are barred, and one of his eyes is rolled to the side, making him look crazed.

       “I think that beaver just saw your mom naked, dude.” Cartman says, pointing at it.

       Kyle rolls his eyes and follows after the group. “Shut up, Cartman.”

       Next they come to a display of four different sized turtles. These are slightly better, but there’s one turtle that’s the smallest out of all of them who appears to have eyes that are three sizes too big. His mouth is open in this wide smile showing off two rows of creepy little turtle teeth. Kyle points down at it frowning and Cartman follows his finger.

       “Oh. My. God.” Cartman says, stepping closer and leaning down to get a closer look. “I LOVE him.”

       Kyle laughs and leans in as well. “That turtle straight up butchered children before he got put in here.”

       Cartman pokes at the shell of the turtle and continues to stare down at it with a ridiculous grin on his face.

       “C’mon, we’re getting left behind.” Kyle says hurrying after the group.

       They’re at a display of the horned owl now and Kyle zones out for a moment before he realizes that Cartman isn’t beside him anymore. He turns around to see Cartman just walking up, adjusting the straps of his backpack.

       “What were you doing?” Kyle asks, eyeing him up and down suspiciously.

       “Just enjoying this fine establishment, what about you Kyle?” Cartman responds innocently.

       Kyle scoffs and turns back to the Ranger who seems to be wrapping up. He leads them back outside and begins explaining the different trails. Kyle get’s that they’re all named after different birds before he zones out again. Dicky tells them they all have to choose a partner for this next activity, and waits while everyone pairs up. Cartman grins at Kyle and Kyle blinks at him in an unimpressed manner.

       Next Dicky hands out a packet to each pair and announces that they’re going to have a scavenger hunt. It’s not the fun kind of scavenger hunt though, it’s the kind where they all have to go around and look for these different types of plants listed, and then copy down the facts written on the little plaques next to them.

       He tells them they all have to start on a different hiking trail, and blows an unnecessary whistle way too loud to signal them to start. Kyle rummages around in his bag for a pencil. When he looks up Cartman is already walking determinedly toward the trail marked “Chickadee” so he hurries after him.  
The trail is pretty light for about 20 feet before immediately getting darker as the canopy of trees grows thicker. They can feel the immediate drop in temperature as they walk deeper and they can now see only by the shafts of sunlight able to make their way through the treetops. Kyle feels his backpack bouncing against him and he regrets leaving his text books inside. The path is worn but bumpy and starts to slope steeply upwards pretty quickly. Cartman walks a pace behind Kyle frowning at the list of plants they’re supposed to find.

       “I knew they’d pull this shit.” He says.

       “Whatever, it’s an easy A.” Kyle replies, peering around where the path comes to a sharp turn to the right.

       Kyle thinks he sees the glint of a metal plaque sticking out of the earth and he’s just taking a step when he feels something cold and metallic pinch his wrist. Kyle spins around to see Cartman grinning evilly. He holds up his hands in surrender, which happen to pull Kyle’s right hand along with it. Kyle realizes with horror that this is because Cartman has _handcuffed them together_.

       “What. The fuck. Do you think you are doing.” Kyle says slowly.

       “I’m not going to uncuff us until you pay me my $15.” Cartman replies petulantly.

       “This. This is your plan? Cartman, I’m not gonna give you the money, fucking get over it!” Kyle yells.

       “Look, Kyle, you probably have that much in your backpack right now, why not just hand it over and get it over with? Let’s not drag this out longer than it has to?”

       “Or how about I just punch you until the key falls out?” Kyle says, stepping right up in Cartman’s face and tugging the handcuffs threateningly.

      “Sorry to say I already hid it back at the lodge.” Cartman says, taking a nervous step back.

 _‘Fuck, that must’ve been what he was doing when he stayed behind from the tour group’_ Kyle thinks.

       “You are SUCH an asshole! I’m never going to pay you, I’d rather saw my arm off.” Kyle spits at him.

       “Well that very well may be your only option Kyle, because these handcuffs aren’t coming off until I get paid.” Cartman says smugly.

       Kyle tilts his chin up and screams at the towering canopy above them, looks down at the ground, counts to ten, takes a deep breath.

       “Alright, let’s go then.” He starts walking forward along the trail again and tugging the cuffs roughly.

       “Ow, Jesus, slow down.” Cartman whines as he hurries after Kyle.

       Kyle stoops down once they’ve reached the plaque and feels the bite of the handcuffs as Cartman is dragged down with him. Kyle lays the packet across his knee and brings his hand up to attempt to copy down facts about the Ostrich Fern. He realizes very quickly that writing is not easy when your dominant hand is chained to an asshole.  
His handwriting isn’t very great to begin with, and in this current state it’s nearly illegible. It certainly doesn’t help when Cartman starts tugging his wrist in random violent intervals in order to make  him scribble across the page.

       A minute goes by like this before Kyle's patience abruptly wears thin and he pulls back and jabs his pencil into Cartman’s leg. Cartman cries out loudly and rolls back yanking Kyle’s arm painfully along with him.

       “JESUS CHRIST, YOU STABBED ME!” Cartman yells, cradling his injured leg pathetically.

       “The lead didn’t even break off, don’t be such a baby.” Kyle replies, inspecting the tip of the pencil.

       “You’re such a psycho!” Cartman complains, rubbing at the little hole in his pants where he’d been stabbed.

       “Oh yeah, _I’m_ the psycho. Where the fuck did you even get police-issued handcuffs?” Kyle asks as he stands up and dusts himself off with his left hand.

       “My mom’s room, I think she was hooking up with Barbrady awhile back.” Cartman says simply.

       “What?! Ew, Cartman! Did you even, like, wash them or anything?” Kyle asks, lifting his right hand and scowling at the tainted metal.

       “Psh, now who’s the baby.” Cartman says, turning to continue onward.

       Kyle groans and follows behind, forced to stay closer now than before.  
As they walk along the path it continues to slope more and more upward, and as the two wheeze their way along, the cuffs continue to pinch and chafe at random times, making the entire experience 1000% more awful.

       They come across a couple more plaques but Kyle’s handwriting is unreadable and Cartman seems to be growing more and more impatient at each stop and keeps hurrying them along for some reason. Kyle can feel his rage gradually building inside of him with every step they take as they continue on for another ten minutes or so like this.  
They turn a corner and they’re suddenly faced with a fork in the trail.  
Kyle isn’t sure if one could even really call it that. There’s a much smaller, less worn path that breaks off sharply to the right. This path looks like it was formed by deer or something, and it slopes upward at an almost impossibly steep angle. The foliage around it is thick, and Kyle wonders how far it even stays a path if you were to follow it.

       Kyle attempts to keep walking but is stopped once again by the sharp bite of the metal cuff against his wrist. Kyle turns to see Cartman standing in place with a weird look on his face.

       “No.” Kyle says instinctively, “What’s that face? No.”

       “So,” Cartman says, shifting from foot to foot, “there’s actually a reason I chose this trail.”

       “No.” Kyle says.

       “Just hear me out!” Cartman whines, “And don’t be all judge-y and condescending like you get.”

       Kyle scowls, “I don’t get judge-y and condescending!”

       Cartman leans in closer like he’s going to tell him a highly confidential secret and clasps his hands together before he starts speaking in his serious voice.  
       “So look, Clyde passed this class last year and he told me about this path, ok? It was just a stupid story that Kevin told Kenny, but Clyde SWEARS, ok, SWEARS, that what he saw was real.”

       “What’s up the goddamn path, Cartman.” Kyle grinds out.

       “Chinchillas Kyle. There’s an old hermit that breeds illegal chinchillas. Dozens of them, all in these little pens.”

       “Chinchillas.” Kyle says slowly.

       “And Kyle, look at my eyes Kyle, this crazy bastard dresses every one of them up in little costumes.”

       Kyle’s head is swimming with the absolute rollercoaster ride that this conversation turned out to be.

“One was a little firefighter, there was a magician, a police officer. Kyle, Clyde said there’s a Batman.” Cartman places his hands on Kyle’s shoulders dramatically and it pulls Kyle’s wrist up in an awkward position.

       Kyle searches Cartman’s face for a moment. On one hand this could very easily be complete bullshit, just another pretty obvious step in some elaborate scheme to fuck with him. But on the other, they could potentially see dozens of chinchillas dressed in little outfits. Kyle also likes to think he’s known Cartman long enough to be able to tell when he’s lying, and Cartman seems completely genuine about this.

       Kyle groans. “Are we seriously listening to Clyde? How sure are you about this?”

       “Like 99%, I’m seriously, Kevin and Kenny agreed with him too!” Cartman replies, rocking on the balls of his feet and looking eagerly over at the trail.

       Kyle sighs heavily and looks skyward. All he sees are trees so he looks back to the trail. “Alright, fuck it, whatever’s up there has gotta be more interesting than this.” Kyle concedes.

       Cartman whoops excitedly and speed walks in the direction of the trail, forcing Kyle to follow quickly behind.

       This path is a lot more difficult than the previous one and Kyle’s thighs burn as they climb the steep ridge.

       “Wow, this would be a lot easier if I wasn’t handcuffed to an idiot.” Kyle wheezes out after a few minutes of climbing.

       Cartman snorts, “Wouldn’t have to be this way if you hadn’t jewed me out of my money.”

       Kyle just rolls his eyes and they fall silent again as they focus their energy into putting one foot in front of the other.  
The foliage continues to grow thicker as they journey onward and as they get further Kyle begins to hear a faint noise that he identifies as water. Kyle keeps his hoodie on despite how much he’s sweating now because of the sharp branches continuously clawing at his sleeves.

       “How far did he say it was?” Kyle asks, after what he thinks is about ten minutes.

       “Said it was like a 15 minute walk, but Clyde’s a slow walker.” Cartman replies, his breathing a little ragged.

       “Yeah, and we’re really moving.” Kyle replies sarcastically.

       They walk for at least another ten minutes in silence. The ‘path’, which has Kyle growing increasingly more suspicious about the validity of that title, has thinned out now to the point where they’re just on a strip of grass maybe a foot across, being hugged tightly on either side by large bushes and trees. The quiet sound of the running water has grown to a near deafening roar at this point and the noise pounds in Kyle’s ears. It’s even darker here than on the other trail and with Cartman walking in front of him and forcing him at an awkward crooked angle Kyle’s beginning to have trouble seeing where he’s going. He accidently steps on Cartman’s heal and gives him a flat tire and Cartman groans as he stops to adjust his shoe.

       “It’s been way longer than 15 minutes dude, Clyde is just fucking with us.” Kyle has to nearly shout to be heard over the roar of the water.

       “Don’t be so cynical.” Cartman wheezes back at him as he continues hiking.

       Kyle just frowns and follows behind. They come to another curve in the trail and once they round the corner Kyle notices an immediate change in lighting.  
Cartman cheers excitedly as he leads them at a quicker pace up the path toward a bright clearing just a few yards ahead.

       Kyle shuffles quickly along and follows eagerly behind Cartman as he hastily moves branches and bushes out of the way and steps through. Once they burst through the dense forest Kyle can’t see terribly well because of the blinding sunlight. As his eyes adjust to his surroundings Kyle’s heart plummets and he takes a step forward.

       They’re standing in a clearing at the top of a huge cliff. They can see treetops for miles out into the valley below and over the rolling mountains. They can now also see where the sound of rushing water originates from. About thirty feet to their right a river pours over the edge in a huge arching waterfall down into a churning lake about sixty feet below. Kyle looks around warily at their surroundings. The trees thin out in a circular clearing around the edge of the cliff. There’s no sign of a house or even any land that would be semi-viable to run a chinchilla farm on.

       Kyle opens his mouth but is interrupted by Cartman saying in a furious tone, “NO.”

       Kyle swivels to see what Cartman is looking at and squints. There’s some letters carved into the trunk of a tree to their left that Kyle has to take a step forward in order to read. He groans when he finally makes out the words: “This is for my xbox asshole”

       “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Cartman yells, his shriek doubling up and echoing around the valley.

       “What’d you do to Clyde’s Xbox?” Kyle asks with an exasperated sigh.

       “I spilled water on it in like FOURTH GRADE, and he got a new one literally a WEEK later, GODDAMMIT!” Cartman is pacing angrily back and forth in quick little steps, pulling Kyle’s arm along with him.

       “He even got Kevin and Kenny in on it! Fucking KENNY, THAT ASSHOLE!” Cartman yells, waving his arms around angrily.

       “To be fair,” Kyle interjects, “Kenny generally believes the majority of the shit Kevin spews at him, especially when he was younger. He probably thought it was true. Clyde too, whenever he came up here.”

       “Why aren’t you more pissed about this?” Cartman asks testily, still shuffling from foot to foot and scowling petulantly at the annoying faded message carved into the tree.

       “I’m annoyed that I hiked up that awful trail yeah, but honestly that wasn’t any more boring than what we were doing before. Plus, I can just copy off of Butters and Dougie on the drive back.” Kyle says shrugging and attempting to shoulder off his backpack. He freezes when he realizes he can’t take the second strap fully off because his right arm is connected to Cartman’s left. He huffs angrily and lifts the strap over and drops the weight of his bag onto Cartman’s arm.

       “Ow, geez!” Cartman says, squatting down with the weight of the bag.

       Kyle kneels down as well and takes a seat on the grass forcing Cartman to join him.

       “I’m starving.” Kyle says as he unzips his bag and starts pulling his sad lunch out. He also pulls his phone from his pocket and unlocks it briefly to check the time. It had only been around a 25 minute hike, so they could easily make it back to the trail and still have extra time.

       “That’s your lunch?” Cartman asks, in a condescending tone.

       The roar of the water is impossibly loud here and echoing all around the canyon in every direction, so everything they say to each other is practically a shout. Kyle rolls his eyes as he opens the off-brand Twinkie and takes a bite.

       “What’d you bring, Gordan Ramsay?” He asks with his mouth full.

       Cartman’s mouth snaps shut and he shifts slightly before replying, “Well, I brought a club sandwich.”

       “Brought?” Kyle asks, raising an eyebrow.

       Cartman huffs exasperatedly as if he’d anticipated this line of questioning and is finding it quite bothersome.

       “Well I needed to make room for Dennis. I packed a backup pie so there wasn’t enough room for all three.”

       “I have, so many questions.” Kyle says, “One, what the hell is ‘backup pie’?”

       “Well, like, if you’d just given in right away and given me my $15 I figured it wouldn’t be very satisfying, so, I brought a backup pie to throw in your face and run. Or just, like, for if I wanted pie.” Cartman explains in a put-upon tone.

       Kyle takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Two, and this is the most important question, who the HELL is Dennis?”

       “Oh, right.” Cartman says grinning mischievously and zipping open his backpack and pulling his blue lunch bag out. He unzips it and pulls it open and immediately scowls.

       “Aw, sick, he got all covered in the backup pie!” Cartman says, reaching in.

       He pulls out what Kyle immediately realizes with horror is the terrifying turtle carcass from back at the exhibit, absolutely covered in whipped cream and what appears to be lemon meringue dripping off it’s huge penetrating glass eyes.

       “EW, Cartman, Jesus Christ!” Kyle yelps and covers his mouth with his sleeve, but he can’t hide a loud snort. “Wait, did you replace that turtle with a fucking turkey club?!” Kyle asks.

       Cartman laughs, “Like anyone will notice, we’re probably the first visitors they’ve seen in months. And he has a name, it’s Dennis, and he’s a masterpiece.” Cartman begins gingerly shaking Dennis up and down and Kyle narrowly avoids the globs of whipped cream and pie flying off.

       “I assumed you were hiding the key to the handcuffs.” Kyle says with a frown, holding the last bite of yellow spongy cake in front of his mouth.

       Cartman snorts and get’s a smug yet slightly guilty expression on his face as he says, “I’ve had the keys the whole time dumbass, I just didn’t want you to punch me.”

       Kyle drops the last of his snack on the ground and sits up straight and get’s right up in Cartman’s face.

       “Well I guess it’s back to the piñata technique again then, isn’t it?” Kyle says menacingly, gripping the front of Cartman’s shirt in his fist.

       Cartman jerks back out of his grasp and quickly stands and takes a step away, forcing Kyle to stumble forward and awkwardly to his feet as well.

       “That was not the deal,” Cartman says, laughing nervously, and then the next part is said with much more assurance, “These don’t come off until I get paid.”

       “Hand over the keys. Now, Cartman. We have to hike all the way back down that shitshow because of you, fucking unlock us.” Kyle says in a slow, threatening tone, stepping right up close to Cartman’s face and squaring his shoulders.

       Cartman’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows but his eyes stay furious as he says, “Pay. Me.”

       “GIVE THEM!” Kyle yells as he lunges for Cartman’s coat pocket.

       Cartman rears back and takes a few steps and Kyle follows with him. Kyle can feel the Earth beneath his sneakers getting squishier as they step closer to the rushing river. The steady roar of the water screams in Kyle’s ears as he violently grips the front of Cartman’s shirt and yanks him forward.

       “You have two options right now,” Kyle yells to be heard, “Option one, you unlock these cuffs. Option two, I beat the shit out of you until I find the key. You have two seconds to choose.”

       “Get the hell off me!” Cartman yells. He tries to shove Kyle off again but Kyle holds fast and Cartman’s boot is suddenly slipping in the mud and he topples to the ground on his back, pulling Kyle violently to his knees along with him.

       Cartman groans as he shifts in the mud and pulls himself into a sitting position. Kyle suddenly lunges at him and Cartman tries desperately to crawl backward but he keeps slipping and doesn’t make it far before Kyle’s elbows are jabbing him, his hands tugging violently at his clothes and into his jacket in search of the key.

       Cartman desperately attempts to shove Kyle off and smack his clawing hands away but he keeps slipping on the wet grass and mud. Neither of them are able to fully take their backpacks off because of the handcuffs, making everything even more awkward and uncomfortable.

       They wrestle for a moment before Cartman manages to get purchase and kicks Kyle in the stomach hard enough to shove him off. Cartman’s arm gets yanked along with him, but he uses the advantage to get back up and stagger into a crouching position. Kyle recovers from the kick quicker than Cartman would’ve thought and he stands up on shaky legs and silently stares with a fiery vengeance that makes Cartman swallow.

       “Now, Kyle-“ He begins, but is interrupted by Kyle lunging toward him with a shout, arms outstretched.

       Cartman attempts to jump back but he feels his right shoe slide right through the earth, deep into mud and rushing water.

       “CARTMAN, NO-“ Kyle shouts, attempting to grab one of Cartman’s arms which have started pinwheeling as he attempts to keep his balance. He tries to pull his boot from the thick mud but it just makes a sickening squelching sound as it sucks him back down. Both Cartman and Kyle swear the world moves in slow motion as Cartman topples backward into the rushing river. Kyle tries to ground himself but his arm is wrenched down with Cartman’s weight and he realizes instantly that they’re both going in. The last thing Cartman hears before the crash and then silence of his head being submerged in the icy water is Kyle letting out one last scream of, “FUCK!”

       There’s been a lot of heavy snowfall this season and the rapids are wild and fast and Cartman is swept away before he even realizes what's happened.  
Kyle feels his shoulder threaten to dislocate as he’s wrenched violently into the water. It’s absolutely freezing and Kyle loses all sense of direction as he’s tossed back and forth in the icy rapids. He gasps in pain as he’s thrown against a particularly jagged rock and inhales water. His backpack is like a lead weight and when he finally manages to get above the water he takes in harsh choking breaths. He looks around wildly trying to get his bearings. Cartman’s in front of him, wildly splashing around and yelling and making Kyle’s wrist ache with the jerking movements of the cuffs. They’d been traveling a lot faster than Kyle had thought and when he looks up they are quickly approaching the waterfall that’s a mere ten feet in front of them.

      Kyle screams, “SHIT! GRAB SOMETHING, GRAB THE-“ And then Cartman is tumbling over the edge of the waterfall with Kyle following closely behind.


	2. No One Wants To Fight Me Like You Do

_‘This is it’_ Kyle thinks while the wind screams in his ears and the weight of the water presses down on him as he tumbles through the air, _‘this is how I die, after all the shit I’ve survived, I die falling off a goddamn waterfall handcuffed to my childhood enemy. Fucking weak.’_

Kyle closes his eyes as they hit the water and almost immediately feels the bone in his handcuffed wrist snap. He opens his mouth to scream and gasps in water. He’s being pushed down, down, into the freezing darkness, and his left knee connects sharply with something hard. Every part of Kyle screams with agony and he’s surrounded by freezing silence. As Kyle begins to lose consciousness his last thoughts are, ' _Now Cartman’s probably gonna die too because he handcuffed himself to me. What an idiot.'_  
Kyle’s vision is narrowing down to a thin point when he feels another sharp jolt of pain in his wrist. Next he feels a pair of hands grabbing him roughly around the waist and hauling him upward. He’s vaguely aware of his head breaking the surface, of the pain in his wrist intensifying to an almost impossible level, and then the feeling of rocks and gravel grating across his body as he’s dragged onto the shore.  
Something hits him hard on the back and then he’s coughing up water violently onto the ground.  
Kyle manages to pull himself onto his side while he continues to hack up lake water onto the muddy earth. His swimming vision begins to gradually clear and the black eases out from the sides.  
Kyle let’s out a pitiful groan when he’s able to stop coughing and manages to lift his head and look at Cartman who’s sat beside him.  
Cartman’s nose is gushing blood all down his face and his right eye is already almost swollen shut. He attempts to reach up and stop the bleeding and Kyle let’s out a pained cry as it pulls on his wrist.

“Oh, shit, are you alright?” Cartman freezes and asks.

“Think my wrist is broken.” Kyle moans against the muddy earth beneath his cheek.

“Yeah, mine got yanked pretty hard when we hit the water.” Cartman says wincing as he gingerly inspects the cuffs around their wrists.

“Hit my knee really hard on something too.” Kyle groans, shifting to feel his knee with his good wrist.

“Yeah, that was my face.” Cartman whines clutching at his gushing nose with his free hand.

“Fucking unlock us.” Kyle whimpers as he struggles to pull himself into a sitting position.

Cartman begins frantically rifling through his coat pockets and tugs a bit on the handcuffs making Kyle hiss in pain.

“Sorry!” he says, lowering his cuffed hand carefully to the ground while he continues digging around with the other.

“Uh.” Cartman says as he frantically pats around on the ground.  
Kyle has managed to pull himself into a slumped seated position now and he drops his head down into his good hand.

“No.” Kyle says.

Cartman swallows and says, “It’s gone…”

Kyle takes a deep shuddering breath and says, “Ok.”

“Fuck!” Cartman yells. He pulls his Iphone out of his pocket and shakes water off of it. “It’s fucking dead!” Cartman swears. He keeps his cuffed hand stuck to the ground, which Kyle is grateful for.

“We lost service on the bus ride up here, anyway.” Kyle says, head still in his hand.  
Cartman groans and looks skyward, takes a deep shaky breath and looks around at their surroundings.

“I’m going to fucking murder you.” Kyle says behind clenched teeth.

“We’ll schedule a time when your wrist isn’t broken. We should get out of this freezing water.” Cartman says, pulling himself up out of the mud and shallow water as carefully as possible.

Even with the immense amount of pain Kyle is in he can’t help but feel grateful to be rid of the deafening roar of the rushing river. The sound of the waterfall connecting with the churning lake below eases into the distance as the pair slowly hobble away from the shoreline. Their shoes make loud squelching noises as they walk and water pours from their clothes onto the unruly grass beneath their feet. They make it a good thirty feet to a little clearing with some sunlight shining down on it and gingerly sit down on the scraggly grass.

Kyle pats his pocket and pulls out his phone and sighs when he finds that, sure enough, it won't turn on. Water actually drips out of the charger port and Kyle wants to scream. Instead he just tosses the phone onto the ground beside his feet.

“So.” Cartman says.

“Yeah.” Kyle says, staring ahead at the almost hypnotic glittering lake in front of them and up at the treacherous rocky cliff they’d fallen from.

“There’s no way we can climb back up that, huh?” Cartman asks.

“If we weren’t handcuffed together and if my wrist wasn’t broken, possibly.” Kyle says, cradling his throbbing wrist delicately in his hand.

“We could try and find another way back, walk around.” Cartman says.

Kyle looks around warily at the miles of identical unmarked dense forest surrounding them on all sides and the cliff spanning out for miles in either direction and says, “We’ll get lost, we don’t even have access to a compass on our phones. We got lost for two hours one time trying to find the Burger King in North Park, and there were, like, signs then. AND we had GPS.”  
Cartman groans and closes his eyes.

“Plus, don’t they teach us in, like, third grade to stay put once you’ve gotten lost?” Kyle asks.

Cartman keeps his eyes closed against the sunlight and slowly lies back in the cold grass.

“Did you tell anyone else about the stupid chinchilla plan? Did you mention it to Butters?” Kyle asks hopefully.

“No. Didn’t want him butting in on it.” Cartman says with a shake of his head. Cartman’s nose has stopped bleeding now but blood is caked on and beginning to dry all along his upper lip and chin.  
Kyle groans and digs his fingernails into his arm to distract from the pain in his wrist.

“So no one on this trip knows about this?” Kyle asks.

“Just you.” Cartman says.

“Very well thought out.” Kyle snaps.

“Well I didn’t know Clyde set a trap for me!” Cartman yells.

“He didn’t set a trap, asshole! We fell off that cliff 100% because of you.”

“Whatever you psycho! You came at me like some rabid animal!” Cartman whines.  
Kyle just huffs and rolls his eyes as he carefully lifts his soaking wet backpack off his shoulder so that it’s resting on the ground between they’re hands, unzips it, and begins rifling through it.

“What’re you doing?” Cartman asks.

“I’m hungry.” Kyle says.  
He pulls out the box of wheat thins from his bag and opens it to find the crackers are practically mush.

“We could eat the backup pie. My lunch bag is waterproof.” Cartman says.

“It’s not dead turtle proof, so a hard pass.” Kyle says.

“Oh shit, Dennis!” Cartman cries as he drags his backpack off his shoulder, unzips it, and begins digging through it for wherever he’d hastily shoved Dennis before Kyle attacked him.  
It takes Cartman a moment to find him with only one hand but when he does he lets out a loud gasp. Kyle watches with a raised eyebrow as Cartman slowly pulls Dennis from his backpack and has to bite his lip when he see that Dennis is missing his back right leg. There’s a bit of stuffing poking out from his stump and he’s absolutely soaking wet. The water is not doing wonders for his dried up skin and he seems to be sagging a bit.

“This journey cost us an arm and a leg.” Kyle quips, because the adrenaline rush is just starting to wear off, and apparently when he breaks his wrist and almost dies he’s really good at thinking of puns.

“This isn’t funny, Kyle!” Cartman snaps dramatically, before attempting to set Dennis on the ground, only to have him tip precariously to one side. Cartman puts his head in his hand and mutters in a dejected tone, “I ruined a masterpiece…”  
Kyle snorts and pulls the plastic bag of mushy wheat thins out of the ruined cardboard box and tears the bag open with his teeth. He lays the bag out on the grass next to Dennis and opens one of his Fruit By The Foots and begins eating that instead.

“Just let the sun dry him out.” Kyle says after swallowing his first mouth full. “So look, we don’t have a way of calling anyone, we have no way of finding our way back to the trail on our own, and no one here knows where we are. I’m sorry to say, it looks like we just have to wait here and see if anyone hikes all the way up here looking for us. Bad news is, I doubt anyone’s gonna find us today, and we’ll probably have to spend the night here. Good news is, by tomorrow, once we’ve been reported missing, Clyde will tell them about his prank and someone will be coming to get us.”  
Cartman takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before saying in a defeated tone, “You’re probably right.”

Kyle shoves his snack wrapper back into his pack and thinks for a moment before speaking again. “We have around four hours of sunlight left, we should try and set up a camp or something assuming we have to sleep here. It’ll give us something to do other than sit here and feel terrible.”

“But I’m so good at it.” Cartman says.

“Do you have a lighter or anything we could use to start a fire with?” Kyle asks. He almost doesn’t bother asking considering he’s never seen Cartman smoke and everything they have is now soaking wet.  
Cartman sits up suddenly and quickly digs into his bag and shuffles some things around.

“Aha!” He cries as he pulls a blue pencil box out of his bag and opens it. He digs around and pulls a small red lighter out of it. It’s clearly gotten a little wet and Kyle mentally crosses his fingers as Cartman attempts to light it. The first two times he tries the lighter only sparks feebly, but on the third try a small flame bursts to life.

“Alright, save the lighter fluid; that thing can’t hold very much.” Kyle says. “Just leave it to dry out in the sun.”

“Alright, bossy-pants.” Cartman says tossing the lighter onto the grass beside the crackers and the three-legged turtle.  
Cartman starts the slow process of standing up from the ground and not pulling on Kyle’s broken wrist.

“Why do you even have a lighter?” Kyle asks, attempting to hold the cuff away from his screaming wrist.

“You never know when you might need to burn stuff.” Cartman says with a shrug. “Plus Kenny’s always asking for one.”  
Kyle nods and bites his lower lip as he adjusts to standing on his aching knee.

“We should go look for stuff we can burn.” Cartman says.

“And a place to sleep.” Kyle says, standing slowly on shaky legs. He gets dangerously dizzy once he’s on his feet again and he has to brace himself on Cartman momentarily while his vision darkens and gradually returns.  
They head toward the side of the forest more brightly lit to their left and slowly scan along the ground for small dry sticks and leaves.

“It’s supposed to rain tonight.” Cartman says, in a low tone.

“Shut up Cartman.” Kyle says.  
They walk along in silence for another minute or so and they each stop a couple of times to stoop and pick up small fallen branches and leaves that grow more abundant as they near the forest edge.

“There’s wolves out here at night.” Cartman says.

“God, shut up, there are not. We just have to find somewhere to take shelter.” Kyle snaps back. Kyle tries to keep his voice sounding brave but he’s not terribly excited about spending the night in the woods up on some mountain with no equipment or food or blankets.  
Cartman doesn’t respond and they continue onward. Once they reach the forest line they step through to continue looking. They stick close to the edge so they don’t lose the direction of the clearing and the lake and they gradually make their way closer to the base of the cliff.  
Within ten minutes or so they both already have the maximum amount of kindling they can carry in one arm.  
“We gotta find a place to camp.” Cartman mumbles, and they continue onward.  
They soon find themselves standing at the base of the rocky cliff face to the far left of the roaring waterfall.  
Kyle leads them around the perimeter of the cliff, inspecting the jagged wall of rock as they walk around the curved edge searching for a cave or inlet they can potentially use as sanctuary.  
They walk for another ten minutes in a giant half circle around the cliff, and now both of Kyle’s arms are throbbing and his clothes cling to him with a mixture of drying mud, water and sweat. They move at an agonizingly slow pace because of Kyle’s wrist and Cartman trips and nearly walks into a tree multiple times because of his lack of depth perception from having only one good eye.  
Just as Kyle’s about to suggest they cut their losses and just head back and sleep in the clearing they round a corner of the rock face and he spots a dark hole disappearing into the mountain about fifty feet ahead.

“Right there!” Kyle says, nodding his head in the direction of the cave excitedly. Cartman looks incredibly skeptical but he doesn’t say anything and they speed walk in the direction that Kyle had motioned.  
The opening to the cave is only around five and a half feet tall and the you can only see about four feet in before it’s enveloped in darkness.

“There’s totally a bear in there.” Cartman says, shaking his head and taking a wary step back.

“Pff, maybe a midget bear.” Kyle says, squinting and leaning closer to the darkness.

“You seriously wanna sleep in there?” Cartman asks in a horrified tone.

“Would you rather camp out in the open and get dragged away by a wolf in your sleep?” Kyle asks.  
Cartman gives him a truly disturbed look and then a more panicked one back at the cave.

“C’mon, don’t be such a baby, god.” Kyle says, stepping forward and forcing Cartman to follow close behind.  
They have to duck to get into the cave and it takes a few horrifying moments for Kyle’s eyes to adjust where he’s just waiting for razor sharp claws to clamp down on him at any moment.  
Once he can see again he breathes a sigh of relief. The cave is empty except for a couple piles of rocks and some stalactites. It only curves into the mountain about forty feet and you can clearly see all the way to the back. The ceiling is only an inch or so taller than the opening and the cave is about fifteen feet across and shaped in a jagged curving circle. Kyle drops his pile of wood to the rocky floor of the cave and the loud clatter makes Cartman jump.

“This’ll work.” Kyle says in a satisfied tone.

Cartman looks around warily and blinks several times before dropping his wood onto the pile as well.  
They spend a few minutes shuffling around hunched over inspecting the cave before Cartman says, “We should collect more wood and set up everything we can while we can still see.”  
Kyle agrees and they set out again into the forest, this time with a bit more determination.

“Look for some bigger stuff we can use to cover the entry with.” Kyle instructs as they venture slowly into the forest.

“Thinking about those wolves, huh?”

“There are no wolves.” Kyle says.

They work in silence for a good hour at least making trip after trip to the cave to deposit loads of wood onto the pile. They realize filling up each other’s backpacks will be a lot faster so they both empty out their soaking wet textbooks onto the cave floor and the pile of wood grows to a decent size much faster. By the time they’re dumping out their bags for the umpteenth time and it looks like they’ve collected enough to keep burning for the night, Kyle’s wrist feels like it’s on fire. It’s swollen immensely now, almost to the size of the cuffs. They’re both panting, itchy, and covered in dirt and splinters at this point. Cartman’s eye is completely swollen shut and his nose is turning a gruesome shade of purple.

“That’s enough.” Cartman huffs and winces as he rotates his shoulder around in a slow circle. “I totally dislocated my shoulder when we fell,” Cartman complains, “It hurts like a bitch.”

“Your face isn’t looking so good either.” Kyle says, frowning at what he can see of Cartman’s swollen, bloodshot eye.

“Thanks.” Cartman says.

“We should go back to the clearing. If anyone’s looking for us it’ll be now, and we can clean up a little bit.”

Cartman just nods and they begin slowly trudging out of the cave and back along the cliff face to where they’d come from.  
The walk to the clearing feels longer than it did first walking there, Kyle’s back aches and his wrist throbs with every step he takes.  
When they finally reach the clearing they’re both exhausted and breathing hard and moving at a noticeably slower pace.  
They both shuffle their way to the lake and collapse at the shoreline.  
Their clothes have dried a significant amount but they’re definitely still damp and the temperature has already begun dropping noticeably as the evening wears on and the sun gradually slips down the sky.

Kyle carefully inspects his injured wrist. There’s a bloody circular cut all along the inside where the cuffs bit in to his skin but it didn’t bleed too bad. It’s mostly just ridiculously swollen and starting to turn an unpleasant purple color that matches Cartman’s nose.  
“You should clean some of that crap off your face, it looks disgusting.” Kyle says, motioning to the dried blood caked all around Cartman’s lips and chin.  
Cartman just grunts in response and crawls forward to the water gently lapping against the shore from the force of the waterfall. Kyle moves with him to keep the cuffs from straining his wrist. Cartman scoops up a handful of water in his free hand and splashes it onto his face. He winces when he accidentally hits his nose too hard. Kyle watches the blood run and drip from his face into the lake where it swirls in intricate patterns before dissapearing.  
Kyle leans forward and scoops up some water as well and splashes it onto his sweaty face. The lake is glacier fed and the frigid water is a nice shock to his system. Kyle scoops up another handful and spreads it along the back of his neck and under his collar. He realizes suddenly that his beanie is missing and most likely has been since they came out of the lake and he’s only just noticing.  
Kyle snorts and touches the hair on his head. He looks up to see Cartman staring at him with a weird expression on his face.

“What?” Kyle asks with a frown.

Cartman shakes his head and returns to washing his face and says, “Nothing, I just definitely have a concussion.”

Kyle snorts. “Yeah dude. I know if knees could get concussions, mine would totally have one.”

Cartman laughs as he uses his t-shirt to wipe the rest of the blood and water from his face.

There’s a large chunk of crusty blood still on the bottom left of his cheek and Kyle says, “Here.” As he grabs Cartman’s shirt in his fingers and tugs it up to scrub off the last of it before dropping it again.  
Cartman mumbles a ‘thanks’ under his breath as he shifts away and looks slightly embarrassed which Kyle ignores.  
Kenny always jokes that Kyle’s becomes the mom of the group and Kyle sometimes thinks he might be a little bit right, but it doesn’t bother him that much. He’s gotten so used to looking after Ike it just naturally happens with his friends too.

Once they’ve finished washing off they scoot further from the lake and sit on the grass and stare up at the top of the cliff where the waterfall tumbles off. It feels like years go by as they stare and hope to see some silhouettes appear at the top.  
They lie back in the grass in silence for what Kyle knows is at least an hour and a half and wait. The constant terrible amount of pain radiating from Kyle’s wrist is starting to make reality seem more and more surreal and he starts questioning every life choice that’s lead him up to this exact point.  
Eventually Cartman get’s too restless and suggests they go walk around. Kyle doesn’t really have any reason to object so they slowly walk around the perimeter of the pond until they get to where it splits off into a river that disappears into the forest. They turn to follow the river a bit more when Cartman freezes and points at something on the ground.

“What’s that?” He asks.

Kyle squints at the odd shape just barely visible that’s protruding from the ground and takes a step closer.  
Upon closer inspection they realize that it’s a sign that’s been blown over in the wind and devoured by grass. Cartman moves so he can kick at the sign roughly with his boot without tugging too hard on the handcuffs. They hear the rip of the grass as it’s torn and uprooted from the earth and it takes several kicks to free the sign enough that Cartman can pry it from the ground. When he’s finally able to dozens of bugs come skittering out from under it and Cartman makes a disgusted noise and shakes the large wooden rectangle as best he can.  
The sign reads, “Wilson Falls” In large chipped red lettering.

“We should use this to block the door to the cave.” Cartman says, examining the large slab of wood attached to a thick wooden post in his hands.

“Good idea.” Kyle says, “I saw some willow trees a ways back, we should get some branches to drape over it also.”

Cartman nods and looks up at the sun sinking dangerously low on the horizon. Because of the low canyon they’re in it will only be a matter of hours before the sun disappears completely behind the mountains.

“We should just go back to the cave and try to get a fire started. No one’s coming to look for us today and I’m freezing my ass off.  
Kyle frowns and thinks for a moment. He honestly does doubt anyone will be able to figure out what happened to them today and their class most likely searched for them, reported them missing, and left a good half an hour ago.  
He sighs and says, “Alright, let’s go.”

Cartman drags the sign behind them and Kyle collects the lighter, the wheat thins, his broken iPhone, and Dennis in his backpack. He’s relieved to find that they’re all significantly dryer than when they’d laid them out.  
Heading back turned out to be the right decision. Cartman is unable to really help ripping down the willow tree branches because of his messed up shoulder so Kyle’s stuck doing the majority of the work. By the time they make it to the cave with the sign and a large armful of willow branches underarm, it’s grown significantly darker and Kyle is squinting nervously at every weird noise and shuffle in the bushes.  
Starting a fire with only a lighter and green foliage turns out to be a lot harder than they thought. They spend a long time creating a base of the driest moss and leaves and gradually build up using the driest sticks and branches before even attempting to use the lighter to conserve lighter fluid. Even with the best set up they can manage it takes a good fifteen minutes for Cartman to get the flame to catch and stay lit. It’s pretty touch and go for awhile and they spend a lot of time crouched close around it blocking it from the wind and prodding at it and desperately adding little bits of dry moss to keep it burning. By the time they have a small pile of steadily burning logs it’s grown dark outside the cave and ridiculously colder.

“We should block the exit.” Kyle says, his knees creak as he stands and a violent shiver runs through him.

“Alright.” Cartman says as he stands up as well and moves toward the entrance. He only get’s a few steps before he trips over something and barely manages to keep his footing.

“Ow, fuck!” He yelps. He roughly kicks their textbooks out of the way and over against the wall of the cave.

“C’mon dude, haven’t we already done enough damage to those today? I still have to use them you know.”

“Kyle, the school had better be providing us new textbooks at the very least. They’re gonna be doing everything they can to keep us from suing their asses.” Cartman says, as they make their way to the entrance and duck through it out into the frigid night air.

“Oh yeah, it’ll be so obvious that they’re responsible when they rescue us and we’re handcuffed together and miles away from where we’re supposed to be.” Kyle says, rolling his eyes.

Cartman just grunts angrily as he stoops down to pick up the heavy wooden sign from outside the cave, where he’d left it on the rocky dirt.  
Kyle helps with his good arm and although it’s awkward, they’re able to slowly lean the sign up across the entrance to the cave so that the rectangle covers a majority of the middle of the opening. Next they grab the long spindly willow branches from the pile Kyle had made against the left wall of the cave and begin draping them over the top of the sign so they create a sort of curtain. Kyle isn’t sure if this is providing them with any extra security but he hopes it’ll at least make them harder to see if there is an animal out there. Kyle also knows it’ll make the chances of him getting any sleep a lot more likely as well.  
When they’re finished there’s a two-foot space between the top of the branch-covered sign and the roof of the cave where pale moonlight shows through. The space allows the smoke from their small fire to escape through and Kyle hopes that the curtain of branches they’ve created helps mask the light. There’s no way to really check without dismantling it.  
They pause and stare at it for a moment when they run out of willow branches to pile on the top.

“That’s as good as it’s getting, I guess.” Cartman says.

“Yeah.” Kyle agrees quietly.

They move back to sit side by side in front of the fire and Kyle carefully layers more moss and sticks on.

“I can’t believe you broke my fucking wrist, I’m taking pottery this semester you asshole.” Kyle says bitterly, gently touching the skin on his wrist, which is now a dark angry purple color and swollen to twice its original size. It’s now digging in viciously against the metal cuff locked around his wrist.

“With like, the clay and the spinning table things?” Cartman asks, leaning in closer to the fire and holding his hand out to the warmth.

“Yeah.” Kyle says.

Cartman snorts. “Yeah, good luck with that now.”

“Douchebag.” Kyle says with a shake of his head.

“Dude, it’ll probably just be an easy A. Last year I got a doctor’s note to get out of weight training and the instructor just had me _visualize_ the exercises, and he gave me full credit.” Cartman says, laughing.

“What did you say was wrong with you?” Kyle asks raising his eyebrows, slightly impressed even though he doesn’t want to be.

“Ingrown toenail.” Cartman says, adding another log to the crackling fire.

“Are you fucking serious.” Kyle scoffs with a grin.

“I did asthma last year, you gotta keep them on their toes.”

“How would an ingrown toenail even keep you from lifting weights?” Kyle asks with a disbelieving laugh.

“The most valuable lesson I’ve learned in life Kyle is that, generally, most people don’t really give a shit.” Cartman says in this wise, all-knowing tone.

“Now who’s cynical?” Kyle asks.

“You know it’s true.” Cartman says with a shrug as he pokes at the fire and blows on the coals to keep it burning.  
Kyle hums thoughtfully and stares into the fire.

“Got any more wise life-lessons you wanna bless me with, Gandhi?” Kyle asks with a smirk.

Cartman thinks for a moment before responding, “I’ve learned it’s always the ones that do give a shit that you have to watch out for. They’re easy to underestimate.”  
Kyle ponders this for a moment and decides that’s probably true.

The cave falls into silence again except for the soft crackling of the fire that Kyle watches in an almost trance-like state.

“You give a shit.” Cartman mutters this quieter than he’d spoken before, but it’s not quite a whisper.

Kyle scoffs and asks, “About what?”

Cartman shrugs and places another log in the fire before he speaks.

“About everything, I dunno. You fight tooth and nail for everything you think is true, no matter how stupid it is.”

Cartman isn’t making eye contact and continues to poke and prod at the fire with a stick. Kyle stares at the side of his face trying to make sense of what he’s saying.  
Kyle is running on four hours of sleep and the day hasn’t exactly been relaxing so far. His wrist is hurting just as intensely bad as when he first broke it, and despite the fire the cold is seeping off the cave walls and setting in fast in his bones and chilling him to his core. Kyle wishes he had the brain capacity to decipher how Cartman could be fucking with him, but he doesn’t and he can’t, so he says, “What, like when I’m trying to get a key to unlock myself from an idiot and I punch us off a waterfall?”

Cartman laughs and chucks a handful of leaves into the fire and says, “Yeah, like that. Most people don’t do stuff like that.”

“Most people don’t handcuff themselves to their friends to get fifteen bucks from them.” Kyle says as he reaches over and grabs the damp cardboard box he’d emptied the plastic bag of wheat thins into from the floor of the cave. The sun had thankfully dried them to the point where they stay in cracker form when he picks them up. Kyle pops two in his mouth and closes his eyes briefly while he chews and ignores the sharp tug of hunger in his gut.

“Most people are boring.” Cartman says, looking longingly at the box in Kyle’s hands.

“That’s true.” Kyle says, offering the box to Cartman.

Cartman looks surprised, whether about Kyle’s reply or the offer of his snacks, he isn’t sure.  
Cartman grabs it and scoops out a handful of five or six before passing the box back.

“Thanks.” He says.

Kyle shrugs and watches the embers in the fire as he slowly chews and swallows.  
They sit in silence for a couple minutes and Kyle feeds bigger logs into the fire as he listens to Cartman crunching his crackers in slow tiny bites.  
Kyle can feel the pain and exhaustion from the day weighing down on him like a lead blanket. His normally ridiculously poofy hair is now matted down with dirt and tangles and his clothes are caked on with sweat. He can feel sand and grit in every crease of his body.  
Kyle knows he should be furious at Cartman right now, should feel hatred burning for him down to every cell in his body, but he finds that he simply doesn’t have the energy. Cartman also happens to be his only companion in this horror movie-like situation.

“What do you care about?” Kyle asks. He doesn’t know why he asks, the words seem to just fall out of his mouth.

Cartman pauses in his noisy chewing and seems to think for a moment.

“Uh, I don’t know. I care about.. Mr. Kitty. And… I care about you guys. The gang.” Cartman says the last part quieter and he sounds embarrassed.

Kyle had felt his heart stop for a moment when he’d thought Cartman was going to stop at the ‘you’, and then he frowned and shook his head at himself. It still would’ve been almost equally as surprising as hearing Cartman admit out loud that he cares about them. Kyle figures it must be the near death experience making him more sentimental.

Kyle grins at him and says, “Better be careful, I might have to tell Kenny you said that.”

Cartman’s cheeks redden slightly but he shrugs and says, “He knows.”

It’s Kyle’s turn to look surprised and he turns back to stare into the fire. Kyle sometimes forgets the weird bond those two share. He thinks back on all the times growing up when Stan and himself had hung out on their own leaving them behind, and he figures it makes sense that they’d be close.

“I’ll tell Stan then.” Kyle says.

Cartman snorts. “Now that I’d be worried about, the hippie would try to hug me.”

Kyle laughs and says, “Maybe, he’s been big on hugs recently.”

Cartman makes a sound of utter disgust and Kyle grins.

Kyle sighs and looks down at the box in his hands.

“I guess we should save the rest of these eight crackers and the Fruit By The Foot for breakfast.” He says bitterly as he closes the box and tosses it to the edge of the cave where their textbooks are spread out.

Cartman yawns and says, “I’m so tired.”

“Yeah- shit! Sleeping is going to be such a bitch.” Kyle says with a frown as he gestures to his broken handcuffed wrist and the soggy backpack he can’t take off.

“Oh right, look what I realized.” Cartman says as he reaches up and tugs on the sleeve of his pack. He loosens the straps on the side of the bag attached to his handcuffed wrist until it comes all the way out of the little clip and he lets it slide to the floor.

“Oh, duh.” Kyle says, shaking his head at himself and going to do the same to his when he realizes that his bag doesn’t have adjustable straps. He groans and says, “Of course.”

Cartman snorts and shakes his head and asks, “Do you want me to cut it off?”  
Kyle frowns and thinks for a moment. He weighs the chances of him getting any sleep in this freezing cave with a bulky wet bag digging into his back against having to buy a new backpack.

Kyle sighs and says, “I guess. With what though?”

Cartman just shrugs and gestures that he wants to stand up. Kyle sighs and they begin the painfully slow process of getting up without tugging on Kyle’s wrist.  
Cartman makes them shuffle around the cave for a good ten minutes while he frowns and shakes his head at rocks. Just as Kyle is about to demand they give up Cartman makes a decisive grunt and suddenly kicks one of the stalagmites in half. It clatters to the floor and the sound seems louder than it is as it reverberates around the little cave.  
They crouch-walk over to it and Cartman scoops it up and inspects it. “This’ll work.” He says.

“You say that now.” Kyle says, squinting at the dull looking chunk of rock.

They carefully sit back down and Cartman gets to work sawing at the backpack strap while Kyle holds it steady with his good hand. It’s an awkward position and Cartman’s working with his left hand so it takes another good ten minutes at least before he manages to shred the material enough so that he can rip it apart.  
Kyle sighs happily and rolls his shoulder, grateful to be free of even that small weight.

“Thanks.” Kyle says, nodding appreciatively.

“You can just pay me the $15 and we’ll call it even.” Cartman says with a shrug.

Kyle snorts. “Yeah, that’s gonna be the first thing I do when we get back, my top fucking priority.”

“Glad to hear you’ve finally come to your senses.” Cartman says with a rye grin.

Kyle rolls his eyes and looks around at the bumpy rock ground they have to sleep on and tries to make a plan as how to best go about it. Eventually he gives up and drags his backpack over to use as a wet pillow and slowly lowers himself so he’s lying on the ground facing Cartman.  
Cartman follows his example and Kyle immediately realizes just how awkward it’s going to be sleeping handcuffed together. Not only is Kyle’s arm forced at an awkward angle beneath his body to keep from yanking on his wrist, but he and Cartman have to lie only a couple of feet apart directly facing each other.  
Cartman’s eyes are trained on his and he has a strangely serious expression. Kyle swallows thickly and rolls onto his back and stares up at the roof of the cave. There’s dozens of stalactites and the awful image of one breaking off and lodging itself in his skull plays over and over. He closes his eyes and the horrific image flickers across his eyelids like a movie he can’t switch off.  
Kyle sighs and rolls back onto his side. He makes a soft grunt as the rock floor viciously digs into his sides. Kyle’s always hated how scrawny he is, but he doesn’t think he’s ever hated it more than he does now. It feels like the rough stone floor is grinding against his very bones with every breath.  
Cartman’s eyes are closed now and Kyle can’t help but be jealous of the extra padding his body has.  
After what feels like at least an hour Kyle’s heart rate gradually begins to slow and the wave of exhaustion gradually pulls him down. The adrenaline that’s been pumping through his system has officially run out and Kyle feels it heavily in his bones. His eyelids eventually drift shut and stay that way. He feels the gentle pull of sleep seeping into his consciousness and the pain and discomfort gradually begin to ebb away as he drifts farther into unconsciousness.  
Kyle’s right at the edge of sleep, just barely lucid, but something seems to be keeping him conscious. He shifts slightly to alleviate some pressure from his wrist, which helps slightly, and he slowly drifts closer to the edge of sleep again. But still, something keeps him grounded.  
An undeterminable amount of time passes while Kyle floats in this sort of sleep limbo, before he suddenly begins to shake. It starts with small tremors in his bones and slowly works it’s way up until his whole body is vibrating. He begins to fully wake back up when he realizes he can’t make himself stop and his brain panics. Kyle curls into himself, trying to shield himself from the cold that’s seeping into him from the rock, but his shivers only get more violent as time passes until eventually his teeth begin to chatter as well.

“Uh, are you ok?” He hears Cartman ask in a nervous tone. His voice makes Kyle jump; he’d thought Cartman must’ve fallen asleep but apparently not.

“J-jus’ cold.” Kyle stutters out while he clutches his torso with his good arm in a vain attempt to keep the warmth in.

“Oh.” Cartman says with a frown. He looks genuinely worried, but Kyle might be imagining that. He’s pretty sure he’s becoming hypothermic so his thinking is most likely not that clear.

“Alright, we’re getting up.” Cartman announces.

“What.” Kyle responds in confusion. He watches as Cartman grunts and slowly begins making his way to a standing position. It takes Kyle a little longer to react than normal but he manages to get up on his feet without too much hassle.  
Kyle stands hunched in on himself while he continues to shake violently and clutch at himself with his good arm.

“You need to lie closer to the fire.” Cartman says as he motions for Kyle to step closer.

 _‘Oh, right’_ Kyle thinks, _‘that’s the smart thing to do. Why didn’t I think of that?’_  
Kyle’s teeth are beginning to ache they’re chattering together so hard and he feels his bones creaking when he moves to take Cartman’s place by the fire.  
They rotate around clockwise so that Kyle’s back is now to the fire. Their heads are now where their feet had been but it doesn’t matter, every part of the cave is as equally uncomfortable as the last.  
Kyle can feel the immediate difference as soon as he settles in, though. He’s situated himself as close as humanly possible to the fire without actually catching flame and he can feel the warmth seeping in. His teeth are still chattering but as the minutes pass by he gradually gets feeling back into his limbs.

“This sucks.” Cartman says after about ten minutes. “It’s fucking cold over here.”

“W-what are you talking about, t-this is my ideal Thursday night.” Kyle says bitterly between chattering teeth.

Cartman snorts and hugs himself with his free arm as he says, “I thought it’s supposed to be fucking spring.”

Kyle shrugs and says in a defeated tone, “It’s C-Colorado and w-we’re up in the mountains. At least most of the s-snow has melted.”

Cartman makes a disgusted noise and they fall into silence again.

Another ten minutes go by and finally Kyle manages to get his teeth to stop chattering. He’s still shivering softly but the warmth on his back is intense enough to put his mind slightly at ease. Yet another ten minutes pass and Kyle is drifting back to that point of sleep limbo once more. The pain in his wrist gradually ebbs away and even the hard lumpy rock beneath him. The only thing still keeping him grounded in consciousness is the soft uncontrollable tremors of his cold body. He slowly drifts in and out of half-sleep for an indiscernible amount of time before the fire begins to die down and his shivering becomes more violent again.  
Kyle is woken up fully by a loud groan from Cartman and begrudgingly forces his eyes open.

“This is fucking stupid, I can’t sleep like this, I feel like I’m dying.” He whines.

Kyle groans and pushes his face into the damp backpack beneath his head before rolling onto his back. “Well you won’t if you keep talking.” Kyle says in a raspy voice, squeezing his eyes shut.  
Kyle knows how cold it is over there without the fire though, and he’s also beginning to feel it as the fire continues to die down.  
A few moments pass in silence until Kyle talks himself into carefully sitting up and adding more logs to the small fire.  
He lays back down on his back and closes his eyes.

“Seriously, this is dumb.” Cartman says.

“Well what do you want me to do about it?” Kyle snaps and rolls his eyes up at the stalactites.

“Just.. I dunno, c’mere.” Cartman mutters the last part angrily.

Kyle freezes and he stares up at the stalactites as he attempts to gather his thoughts.

“What.” Kyle says.

Cartman makes an annoying whining noise and says, “Shut up, it’s just basic survival stuff, right? We’ll never talk about it again.”

“Dude.” Kyle says.

“I’m gonna die of hypothermia because you’re not man enough to cuddle another dude!” Cartman whines indignantly.

“You’re not gonna die, Jesus Christ.” Kyle says.

At the same time Kyle peaks at Cartman out of the corner of his eye and sees that he’s shivering far more violently than he is and he feels guilty for hogging the fire.

“I cannot believe this is my life.” Kyle says with a groan.

“Just stop being such a pussy and c’mere.” Cartman says.

“You come here, I’m closer to the fire asshole.” Kyle snaps at him.

Cartman huffs and shifts into a seated position, “You’re always so fucking difficult.” He says as he crawls closer to Kyle in a careful manner as not to pull on Kyle’s broken wrist.

Kyle’s heart speeds up and hammers in his chest as Cartman gets closer and he has time to think, ‘ _This is not happening. How has my life-‘_ Before Cartman is laying down next to him.  
Kyle swallows thickly and rolls onto his side again so that he’s facing Cartman but closes his eyes from embarrassment. Cartman pauses for a moment and Kyle wonders if he’s going to chicken out and retreat back to his side. Cartman’s free arm is closing around him now though, and he’s pulled tightly against him. Kyle feels warm cloth pressing against him and he opens his eyes to see that his face is pressed into Cartman’s chest just below his clavicle.  
Cartman pulls them as close together as possible without irritating Kyle’s swollen handcuffed wrist resting between them.  
At first Kyle lies stiff and uncomfortable. He can’t help but worry that Cartman can feel how hard his heart is beating and it annoys him. After a few moments Kyle begins to feel the warmth seeping into him from Cartman’s body. A surprising amount of heat with how violently he’s shivering.  
Kyle gradually begins to relax and he let’s himself ease his face into the soft warmth that’s in front of him. He can no longer feel the cold air seeping off the cave walls on his front and combined with the heat from the fire on his back his exhaustion immediately begins to set in again.  
Cartman continues to shiver pretty violently and before he can stop himself Kyle pushes himself closer against his front and nudges his top knee through Cartman’s knees.  
Kyle is prepared for an annoying comment but Cartman doesn’t say anything and he makes himself relax into the warmth.  
It takes a good fifteen minutes for Cartman to stop shivering and Kyle feels intensely relieved before immediately falling into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter: "Combat Baby" By: Metric  
> This is the last chapter before smut so stop here if that isn't your thing! I hope you're enjoying the story so far :)  
> -Maddy


	3. Various Disgraces

_They’re hiking up a trail, the trail that supposedly lead to the chinchilla farm. But there is no chinchilla farm, Kyle knows that because this has already happened._

_The grass folds and bends away from Kyle’s feet as he hikes, but it doesn’t look quite right._

_He accidently steps on Cartman’s heal and gives him a flat tire and Cartman groans as he stops to adjust his shoe._

_“It’s been way longer than 15 minutes dude, Clyde is just fucking with us.” Kyle says._

_“Don’t be so cynical.” Cartman wheezes back as he continues hiking._

_The trees are closing in on them tighter and tighter and they seem to be grabbing at them as they walk and clinging to their clothes. Kyle tries to say something but he can’t._

_They hike on and on for what feels like days and the path gradually slants up steeper and steeper until Kyle wonders how they’re even able to walk on it without tumbling down the mountain. Finally, they come to a sharp curve in the trail and a bright white light is waiting ahead. They run for it, desperately, and as soon as they break through the clearing they’re standing in front of a waterfall, the deafening roar only just appearing out of thin air._

_Kyle is angry then, so, so angry. He’s staring at Cartman’s smug face and he can feel his rage down to every molecule in his body. He suddenly reels back and punches Cartman across the face and watches his wrist snap and bend in half. He lets out a sob just before the two go stumbling back off the cliff. They plummet through the air and Kyle can feel the wind biting his cheeks. Instead of the lake waiting to catch them it’s just a flat dirt clearing with jagged rocks scattered throughout. Kyle opens his mouth to scream but it’s swallowed up by rushing wind. Just before he hits the ground he turns to see that Cartman is laughing._

 

* * *

 

 

Kyle wakes up with a jolt and a sharp gasp. His eyes fly open and he’s greeted with the grey-blue of Cartman’s t-shirt. It takes Kyle a moment to remember his surroundings. His heart is hammering in his chest and he breathes heavily as he forces himself not to move any more so he doesn’t wake Cartman up in case he’d managed to sleep through it.

Kyle shudders as he tries to get his heart rate under control and quiet his panicked brain. He can still feel the heat and hear the crackle of the fire so he must not have been out too long.

Cartman let’s out a snore and Kyle takes a shuddering breath.

 _‘You’re all right. You’re fine. You’re gonna get rescued tomorrow.’_ Kyle tells himself.

Once Kyle has managed to get his heart rate back to something close to normal he burrows in closer to Cartman’s warmth. He’s just as sweaty as if he’d really just been climbing that trail and its terribly cold as it begins to cool.

It takes ages before he starts to feel tired again and just as he’s about to fall back asleep Cartman snuffles suddenly and makes a noise as he wakes up. He shifts slightly and adjusts his arm and goes still again.

Kyle forces himself to breathe slowly.

They lie perfectly still for a few minutes and Kyle begins to drift off again. He’s woken up this time by a tickling on his head. Kyle’s eyes snap open.

 _‘Is Cartman SMELLING ME?’_ Kyle realizes frantically.

Kyle quickly squeezes his eyes back shut so the other boy won’t know he’s awake even though Cartman doesn't have a clear view of his face.

Cartman’s face is gingerly buried in Kyle’s hair and he’s breathing in deeply.

Kyle feels like his head is going to explode, he honestly just can’t process any of this right now. Cartman’s breath is actually pretty warm and he just forces himself to relax.

_‘You’re all right. You’re fine. You’re gonna get rescued tomorrow.’_

It’s only five more minutes before Kyle falls fast asleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

_They’re sitting in Stan’s basement. Cartman’s in a bean bag chair, Kenny and stan are sat on the dilapidated couch playing video games, and Kyle is sat on the floor with his back against the couch._

_Kyle remembers this night well; it was about two months ago. Kenny had brought a couple cases of beer he’d scored from his brother and they’d all gotten drunk and laughed their asses off while they took turns playing against each other on Stan’s PS4._

_Kyle is holding a beer in his hand and the label is slightly worn off where he’d been peeling at it. His friend’s voices are boisterous and happy and Stan’s basement is a safe and comforting environment._

_Kenny and Stan are mashing buttons madly and shoving at each other while Cartman keeps whooping whenever one of them does an impressive move. He grins at Kyle suddenly and motions, laughing, to something on the screen._

_Kyle laughs and finishes his beer. He’s only a couple beers deep, but with no tolerance he’s definitely already tipsy. Kyle is surprised he can recall this night so perfectly despite that fact._

_“I’m starving.” Kenny says._

_“Yeah, me too, let’s go grab some shit from the kitchen.” Stan replies, his voice is slightly more slurred than Kenny’s._

_They hop up and make their way to the kitchen talking and laughing. Stan’s parent’s are away on a couple’s therapy cruise and Shelly’s at her boyfriend’s house so they don’t have to worry about keeping quiet._

_“You guys want anything?” Kenny calls just before they’re about to disappear up the stairs._

_“Shit sounds good.” Cartman says, and Kyle snorts._

_Kenny does a fake laugh before disappearing up the stairs behind Stan._

_“No but seriously, you better bring me a toaster strudel!” Cartman yells after him._

_Kyle and Cartman sit in silence for a moment after that and Kyle grabs another beer from the cardboard box. He motions for the bottle opener and Cartman grabs it off the floor and holds it out. Kyle grabs it and their hands touch and Kyle lingers for a moment._

_Kyle remembers this moment and he’s growing uncomfortable that he’s forced to watch it played out again in vivid HD._

_Kyle waits for himself to pull his hand back, to ask Cartman if he’s man enough to beat him in a round of Street Fighter, but he doesn’t._

_Kyle doesn’t pull back._

_He stays with one hand over Cartman’s and stares at him._

_Cartman stares back and he swallows, his eyes flicker to Kyle’s lips._

_‘This isn’t right. This didn’t happen.’ Kyle thinks._

_They lean in slowly and Kyle feels like he’ll catch fire. ‘Why is this happening? What are you doing? This didn’t happen!’_

_Kyle can’t control his body any longer and watches helplessly as he leans into Cartman’s space. His eyes close just as their lips press together. Kyle feels Cartman’s fingers thread into his hair on the left side next to his ear and his other hand release the bottle opener, which falls to the carpet with a soft thump. He brings his hand to rest on Kyle’s shoulder and Kyle grabs the front of Cartman’s shirt and tugs him closer. He tilts his head so they’re kissing at a better position and Cartman makes a noise in the back of his throat._

_Kyle’s mind is stuck in an endless loop of, ‘this didn’t happen, this didn’t happen’ as he’s overwhelmed by how real it feels._

_Cartman swipes his tongue across Kyle’s bottom lip and suddenly they’re kissing hard and passionate._

_Kyle let’s out an embarrassing groan that’s swallowed up by Carman’s mouth. Cartman’s grip on his hair tightens an almost painful amount and Kyle crawls forward so that his knee slides between Cartman’s and he’s straddling his leg._

_Kyle’s mind feels muddy and every sensation is too overwhelming._

_Cartman’s hand drops from Kyle’s shoulder and he grabs his hip suddenly and drags him down so that Kyle grinds down onto him._

_They break apart as Kyle groans and digs his nails into Cartman’s clothed shoulders._

_“Stan and Kenny are gonna come back.” Kyle hears himself say in a winded voice._

_Cartman laughs, “No they won’t.” He says, and somehow Kyle knows that he’s right. ‘This isn’t real,’ Kyle thinks, ‘it just feels real. Holy HELL, does it feel real.’_

_Kyle kisses him again and Cartman nips and sucks his lower lip into his mouth. Kyle’s hands find their way under Cartman’s shirt and he grips roughly at soft pliant skin._

_Cartman grips his hip again and drags him down so that he’s rutting down onto his leg. Kyle kisses him back harder to hide the noises trying to escape from him and begins to grind down by himself in a slow but steady rhythm._

_Their kisses get more frantic and sloppy and Kyle grows impossibly hard in his jeans. The feeling of the denim isn’t very comfortable but Kyle can’t bring himself to stop, everything feels too good._

_Suddenly, Kyle desperately needs to know if Carman is hard too. He slides his hand down to rub against Cartman’s groin and finds that he is, indeed, ridiculously hard even through his jeans._

_Cartman lets out a choked-off desperate sounding noise as Kyle palms at him and he moves down so that he’s kissing and sucking at Kyle’s neck._

_“Fuck, fuck” Kyle swears as he continues rolling his hips and palming him roughly._

_Cartman grips his hips suddenly and forces him to stop. He raises up and whispers into Kyle’s ear, “Wanna feel something awesome?”_

_“Yeah.” Kyle hears himself pant out before Cartman is yanking him and flipping their positions. The world spins as Kyle’s flipped around and pinned down on the beanbag beneath Cartman’s weight._

_Cartman’s lips are pressed roughly back to his in an instant and he licks into his mouth as he trails his hands down and underneath Kyle’s shirt. While his kisses are rough his fingers trail lightly down his chest and across his rib cage and Kyle arches up into his touch._

_His fingers trail farther down and he tugs at the button on Kyle’s pants. Kyle hears the zipper go down and he lifts his hips to help get his pants off. Cartman pulls his pants down past his knees and comes back up to palm at Kyle through his boxers. Kyle pulls back from Cartman as he gasps._

_Cartman moves so that he’s kissing at Kyle’s neck now and he tugs his boxers down past his hips and Kyle gasps at how exposed he suddenly feels. Cartman continues to kiss his way down his neck until he reaches the collar of his shirt before lifting it up to Kyle’s chin and continuing to mouth his way down Kyle’s chest and stomach._

_Kyle grips Cartman’s short hair tightly and gasps at the feeling of each kiss going lower and lower. Kyle’s eyes widen as he feels hot breath fan out against his oversensitive dick._

_Kyle is about to say something, he isn’t sure what, but then Cartman’s mouth is hot and swallowing him down and all he can do is moan and hold on for dear life._

_“Fuck, oh fuck” Kyle slurs as Cartman bobs up and down, his hand rubbing at the base where his lips don’t reach._

_Kyle is already right at the edge, ready to come any second. He feels like he should be embarrassed when he says, “G-gonna come, fuck” but Cartman just hums and swallows him down faster. He’s so close, he’s-_

 

* * *

 

Kyle’s eyes fly open with a sharp gasp.  
‘ _What. The. Fuck_.’

He’s only just woken up but he’s wide-eyed and breathing hard. His heart is hammering in his chest but his mind seems to be frozen.

_‘I just had a SEX dream about Cartman. This is not happening. This day cannot possibly get any weirder.’_

Kyle gradually becomes more aware of his surroundings and he feels his heart stop.

He can still feel warmth against his face but it’s not the soft cotton from before. His face is now pressed tightly against Cartman’s neck. It’s extremely warm and damp from what Kyle hopes was only his breath.

Their positions haven’t changed that much besides that Kyle has scooted up further and pulled himself impossibly closer to Cartman’s front. His leg is still pressed between Cartman’s and Kyle’s horror only intensifies when he realizes that he’s achingly hard in his jeans.

 _‘Fuckfuckfuckfuck_ ’ Kyle thinks frantically, his face heating further with embarrassment. _‘This cannot be happening, oh god’_

Kyle is forced at a slightly odd angle to keep his wrist from getting bothered too much so luckily he’s not pressing his hard-on directly against Cartman’s stomach, but he’s definitely touching him.

All that Kyle can hope is that Cartman is still fast asleep. Kyle ever so slowly attempts to disentangle himself from Cartman and pull back but Cartman makes a noise and shifts slightly and Kyle freezes.

 _‘Shit, I’m not going to be able to move without waking him up.’_ Kyle thinks frantically.

Kyle swallows hard and forces himself to take deep quiet breaths. He thinks about every unsexy thing he can possibly imagine trying to will his erection away.

‘ _Stan’s dad in a speedo, water births, donkey penis_ ’

But nothing is working. It certainly doesn't help that he’d been brought right to the edge of orgasm before being thrown back into reality. Not that he wishes he’d come in his pants or anything, that’d be a whole other issue. He just aches for release and every time he closes his eyes he can still feel the white-hot velvety heat of Cartman’s mouth, the feeling of his fingertips digging into his hip as he’d ground down.

Kyle’s dick gives an interested twitch and Kyle knows if Cartman is awake he definitely felt that.

 _‘He’s asleep, he has to be’_ Kyle thinks; the other option is just too mortifying.

Kyle doesn’t even like boys. He sometimes finds them aesthetically appealing sure, but he’s never really considered doing anything sexual with one. Well, maybe Ryan Reynolds, but who hasn’t.

He’d certainly never considered it with Cartman. At least he thought he hadn’t.

 _‘It’s just this situation,_ ’ Kyle tells himself, ‘ _you almost died, he’s your only companion, and you’re freaking cuddling for God’s sake. Your brain just wants comfort, it doesn’t mean anything. Plus, you were asleep. You can’t control what your brain does when you’re asleep. It doesn’t mean anything. You had a dream once where Stan turned into a radish and you ate him. This doesn’t mean anything. You just have to get out of this position.’_

Kyle takes one more shaky breath to calm his panic and slowly attempts to move his leg out from between Cartman’s.

Kyle only manages to pull his leg backward a few inches before he brushes up against something. He freezes and his breath catches in his throat.

He’d only felt it for a second but he’s almost positive that Cartman is hard.

Kyle swallows thickly and his head is swimming as he tries to digest this new information.

 _‘Ok, so… don’t panic, he could still totally be asleep right? I wake up with boners all the time, and it doesn’t help to have someone pressed close like this. He can still totally be asleep, I just have to move slowly so I don’t wake him up and he’ll never have to know.’_ Kyle tells himself. ‘ _Or he’s awake_.’ An evil voice whispers in Kyle’s head.

Kyle bites his tongue hard to get ahold of himself. ‘ _He’s not awake, don’t be paranoid, just move asshole.’_

Kyle continues slowly sliding his leg backward. He attempts not to brush up against Cartman but he’s clamped down around him and it’s nearly impossible.

Kyle has almost pulled his leg all the way out when his treacherous knee rubs up against Cartman’s groin harder than it had before.

Cartman’s body tenses, he let’s out a stifled groan, and his grip tightens on Kyle’s side.

Kyle freezes.

 _‘That was an awake noise. Cartman is awake. What the fuck. He’s hard, and I’m hard, and there’s mutual hardness happening, and WHATTHEACTUALFUCK’_ Kyle’s mind is spinning trying to digest the bizarre turn his reality has suddenly taken.

_‘He doesn’t know I’m awake yet, he can’t know. We can both just go back to sleep and never talk about this again. It’s a normal reaction to cuddling, just move past it.’_

Kyle squeezes his eyes shut and tries to will his heart to stop hammering in his chest so loudly. He tries to hear if Cartman’s is beating the same, but he can’t make it out over the deafening roar of his own.

Kyle knows that he should disconnect himself from Cartman but he’s embarrassed to give away that he’s awake; and if he’s being honest, it’s gotten a lot colder and it doesn’t actually sound that appealing.

The fire must have burnt down a significant amount because Kyle can only hear a pop every thirty seconds or so, and he can barely feel the heat against his back any longer unless he really focuses on it. Part of that might be that Cartman’s like a furnace pressed all along his front. Kyle’s hand is aching terribly from the squished position but the heat is too addictive, if anything he wants to get closer. His fingers and toes have gone numb and he thinks how nice it’d be to shove his icy hands underneath Cartman’s shirt and dig his fingers into the warmth he finds there and hear whatever sound Cartman would make.

Kyle mentally strangles himself as he feels panic set in heavily in his gut.

Kyle bites his bottom lip and focuses on not moving while silently cursing the fact that his dick still hasn’t gotten the message to calm the fuck down.

The memory of Cartman’s breath tickling his scalp as he breathed him in plays on loop in Kyle’s head.

_‘That’s right, he totally started it. That’s probably why I had that dream and why I’m in this situation in the first place. Stupid Cartman.’_

Kyle wishes he could get up and put more wood on the fire, take a long lonesome walk in the frigid air and clear his head.

His nose burns with the cold and he can’t help but think that he’s so tantalizingly close to the welcoming heat of Cartman’s neck.

 _‘You are sleep-deprived, in terrible pain; you’re delirious. You should not be making decisions.’_ Kyle tells himself.

Kyle feels Cartman begin to shiver softly and he isn’t sure what it even means but for some reason it prompts him to push his nose into the crease of Cartman’s neck where it meets his jaw. The warmth is an immediate relief on the tip of Kyle’s nose and he sighs as the heat sinks in.

Cartman stiffens slightly but doesn’t make a noise.

 _‘What are you doing?!’_ Kyle’s brain screams at him over and over.

Terrifying snapshots from the past day flicker through Kyle’s mind like a nauseating slideshow interspersed with clips from his dream as he’s tumbling down to the rocky ground toward his death. Kyle feels the same adrenaline pumping in his veins now that he did then and he swallows thickly.

Before Kyle can think about it he pushes his face fully against Cartman’s neck. He’s not kissing him, just pressing there, just letting himself get enveloped by the heat and the sensation of skin.

He didn’t realize how cold he was until he felt the intense relief of the warmth against his face.

Kyle decides he’s officially in ‘fuck it’ mode so it’s fine to slide his hand under Cartman’s shirt and feel the warmth there.

Cartman stiffens further but he doesn’t make a noise and Kyle feels a sinking feeling in his gut, which he realizes is disappointment. Kyle’s hand seems to move without permission from his brain and he digs his fingers into Cartman’s side.

Cartman let’s out a choked-off desperate sounding groan and jolts slightly and Kyle feels his hard-on brush against his leg.

Kyle bites his bottom lip hard and mentally screams at himself, _‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING’._

Kyle holds perfectly still and his fingers begin to tingle and prick as warmth and feeling gradually begin to seep back into them. Kyle likes the feeling of pressing his fingers into Cartman’s soft warm stomach a lot more than he wants to.

He finds Cartman’s reaction a lot more satisfying than he wants to, also.

He can feel Cartman’s heartbeat in his fingertips now, the thunderous rhythm clattering against his ribcage.

Kyle is aware that he is not making the best life decisions right now, but he feels as though his very brain has been numbed by the cold; and he can’t find enough motivation within himself to stop.

Kyle takes in a deep shaky breath against Cartman’s neck and he’s aware of every brush of skin there as his lips move. Cartman smells like sweat and damp earth and something else Kyle can’t quite pinpoint.

Kyle bites his lip hard enough to taste copper and then he slides his knee back up between Cartman’s legs to grind up against his erection.

Cartman lets out a startled moan that Kyle can practically taste. Cartman’s grip on Kyle’s side tightens to a borderline painful amount and Kyle can’t contain a small shiver.

“Ok, please tell me you’re awake.” Cartman speaks in a strained whisper, he sounds so desperate; brimming with something Kyle can’t name.

Kyle freezes. He holds his breath; he doesn’t dare move a muscle.

He is standing at the edge of a precipice. He could still pretend to be asleep, they could wake up in the morning and it could still be like none of this ever happened. Kyle has one last chance to make the right choice, a full thirty seconds, before he just let’s himself fall.

Kyle repositions his hips and grinds down breathlessly onto Cartman’s leg while slowly dragging his fingers up higher along his back.

Cartman freaking _whimpers_ and Kyle has to bite back a smirk.

“I-I’ll take that as a yes?” Cartman asks in a breathless voice.

Kyle’s heart lodges in his throat when he realizes he has to say something and he chews on the inside of his cheek and draws circles with his fingers on Cartman’s back.

“I’m cold.” Kyle mumbles against Cartman’s neck.

Cartman lets out a short hysterical sounding laugh. “You’re cold.”

Kyle swallows thickly and tries to catch his breath but it’s hard when he’s pressed up this close against Cartman’s neck. Cartman’s fingers slide down from Kyle’s shoulder to his hip and he grips him there tightly.

“’s just basic survival stuff, right?” Kyle asks in a shaky whisper as he grinds his hips down so that he can rut against Cartman’s leg once, twice.

“Y-yeah,” Cartman nods breathlessly, “Basic survival, we’ll never talk about it again.” Kyle would almost call Cartman’s voice husky if it weren’t for the strained desperation laced heavy in his tone.

Cartman swallows thickly, says even quieter: “This never happened.”

He’s suddenly pulling Kyle’s hip into a different position, yanking him down. Kyle buries his groan into Cartman’s neck as they grind against each other’s thighs.

They rock together in slow thrusts and Kyle bites Cartman’s neck to stifle the noises trying to come out of him. Cartman makes a desperate groaning noise and shudders under Kyle’s fingers.

There’s still a very real portion of Kyle’s brain screaming at him, asking him just what the fuck he thinks he’s doing, but it’s getting easier to ignore.

Kyle feels like he’ll catch fire and he tentatively swipes his tongue against Cartman’s neck between his teeth. He tastes just how me smells, of sweat and dirt, but Kyle finds that he doesn’t mind it. Kyle’s wrist is screaming at him to stop jostling it so much but he doesn’t.

Cartman whines and pants out, “’S not how I s-AH the n-night going, to be honest.”

Kyle releases Cartman’s neck and groans, “Stop. Talking.”

Cartman snickers and gasps as Kyle pushes his knee up into his groin.

“I guess my charm can’t be avoided, it’s alright, not many can resist me.” Cartman continues breathlessly.

Kyle rocks his hips down faster and grits out, “I am so fucking mad at you.”

Cartman releases his grip on Kyle’s hip and slides his hand down to cup the bulge in the front of Kyle’s pants and palm at him roughly.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” He taunts, and Kyle just knows he’s grinning smugly.

Kyle clamps his teeth down onto Cartman’s neck until he tastes blood and Cartman yelps and raises his hand back up to grip tightly at Kyle’s hair.

“OW, OW, FUCK! OK IT FEELS LIKE IT, IT DEFINITELY FEELS LIKE IT!” Cartman cries out.

Kyle releases Cartman’s neck and ruts his thigh up against Cartman’s dick.

“You’re so fucking violent!” Cartman whines as he tugs hard on Kyle’s hair.

Kyle swipes his tongue along the bite marks on Cartman’s neck and feels a little bad when he tastes a decent amount of blood. Cartman hisses and shivers so Kyle licks there gently two more times before slowly working his way down to suck a bruise on his clavicle.

Cartman makes little stifled noises in the back of his throat and he releases his grip on Kyle’s hair and moves down so he can palm at Kyle’s dick through the denim once more.

“Are the pants necessary?” Cartman asks hoarsely.

Kyle’s heart thunders in his chest as he continues to roll his hip and suck on Cartman’s skin below his mouth.

‘ _This is real_.’ Kyle thinks. ‘ _You made this real; are you really doing this?_ ’

Kyle slides his good hand down to begin tugging at the button and zipper on Cartman’s jeans. Cartman moves to do the same and they quickly realize how difficult it is to unbutton someone else’s jeans one handed. It’s especially hard for Kyle since he has to use his left hand.

After a few moments of awkward struggling Cartman get’s Kyle’s fly open and tugs his pants and underwear part of the way down. Kyle continues to work at Cartman’s impossible button while he wriggles his hips to help move his pants down to his thighs. Kyle shudders at the feeling of frigid air on his swollen dick and desperately works at Cartman’s pants so he isn’t the only one who feels so exposed.

Kyle just manages to get Cartman’s pants unbuttoned when Cartman’s hand slides along his bare dick. Kyle disconnects from Cartman’s clavicle and let’s out an embarrassingly high-pitched moan.

Cartman squeezes him once before pumping him up and down.

Kyle shudders, buries his face in Cartman’s neck and breathes shakily. He quickly yanks down Cartman’s zipper and begins the process of taking his pants off. Cartman shifts to help him the same way that Kyle had and soon Kyle gets his pants and underwear down below his hips.

Cartman’s hand disappears from Kyle’s dick and slides up to Kyle’s naked hip. He carefully pulls Kyle’s hips closer so that their dicks bump up against each other. Kyle takes great shuddering breaths against Cartman’s neck as he feels Cartman take them both into his hand and stroke them.

Kyle cries out before placing his mouth over Cartman’s neck once more to keep it from making any more embarrassing noises.

Cartman’s hands are bigger than Kyle’s and the feeling of one wrapped around them as he begins jacking them faster is making Kyle feel like he’s going to melt into the floor.

Kyle shakily moves his hand down to grip them also and his finger’s wrap around Cartman’s. Kyle’s strokes are less controlled and more awkward from using his non-dominant hand but he likes the feeling of soft skin gliding beneath his fingers too much to let Cartman do all the work.

Kyle tries to move their hands faster and snaps his hips into the waiting heat of their hands. Cartman keeps making these little grunts and groans that get progressively louder; it’s like a game to Kyle trying to get him to make another, and another.

Kyle’s body feels like it’s on fire, and the pleasure in his gut is curling dangerously tighter with each frantic thrust. Kyle had been so close to coming from the dream he never really stood a chance of lasting long. It doesn’t seem to be a problem though because Cartman is saying, “Fuck, fuck, I can’t- fuck, Kyle-”

Kyle’s wrist is throbbing in agony with every movement but he can barely notice it any longer.

Their thrusts are fast and sloppy and Cartman’s grip on them is almost too tight.

Kyle buries his face in Cartman’s neck and let’s out a broken sob followed by a long moan as he tumbles over the edge. Kyle releases his grip on their dicks as he comes and clutches at Cartman’s shirt desperately as he rides through the waves of his orgasm. Cartman continues to pump them fast and hard and his hand is quickly growing slick now. Cartman let’s out a disbelieving gasp when he realizes Kyle is coming and Kyle shakes with the force of his orgasm.

Just as Kyle is beginning to become oversensitive Cartman is letting out a long low groan and coming hard against him. Kyle laps his tongue against Cartman’s neck and sucks there as Cartman cries out and snaps his hips hard up into his hand and against Kyle’s softening dick. Kyle feels heat as some of Cartman’s come misses his hand and hits his stomach.

Kyle pants heavily against Cartman’s neck as he listens to the small pretty noises he makes as he rides it out and gradually slows his thrusts. Cartman gives them one last final squeeze all the way up to the tip before releasing them.

Neither moves as they attempt to catch their breath and Kyle feels Cartman’s dick twitch against him one last time. The orgasm had been more intense than Kyle had expected and his head is still swimming and he’s having trouble coming back down to Earth.

“Fuck.” Cartman whispers breathlessly, and Kyle silently agrees with him.

Kyle grabs Cartman’s hand and drags the back of it through the come that had gotten on his stomach and says, “I think this belongs to you.”

Cartman makes an irritated noise and yanks his hand away.

Cartman attempts to wipe his sticky hand off on the cave floor and comes back covered in bits of gravel and dirt. He groans and shakes it uselessly and Kyle snickers as he tries to ignore the panic begging to weigh in like lead in his gut as he’s brought back to reality.

Kyle’s hand is covered in drying come and his clothes cling to him with sweat. Kyle feels as though there’s filth on every square inch of his body and he wants a shower more than anything else in that moment, even more than food.

Kyle shifts back slightly so that he’s no longer pressing against his broken wrist and takes a breath of relief. Cartman takes this as his cue to reach down and carefully begin tugging up Kyle’s underwear, than pants. Kyle is slightly surprised at the gesture and it takes him a moment to remember to lift his hips to help.

Once Kyle’s pants are back on and he’s zipped up he moves to help Cartman with his own clothes. It’s far more difficult than it should be, but Kyle feels thankful to have something to do to keep his mind from panicking.

Once Cartman’s pants have been properly situated on his hips they lay in silence for a moment before Cartman asks, “Still cold?”

“Yeah.” Kyle says.

Cartman snorts and drapes his arm back over Kyle’s middle and curls closer to him without bumping his hand.

Kyle tries to swallow the enormous lump that’s formed in his throat as he slides his knee back between Cartman’s thighs. He pushes his face close against Cartman’s neck and tries to breath heavily without hyperventilating.

 _‘Cartman made me come, that’s something I’m going to live the rest of my life knowing. That’s something Cartman will live the rest of his life knowing. How did I let this happen? This is going to come back to bite me in the ass and I totally deserve it. It’s Cartman after all. You just jerked off CARTMAN.’_ Kyle’s heart is hammering in his chest and his gut is twisting with anxiety and the sheer inability to come to terms with this situation and the terrible decisions he’s been making.

“You’re thinking too much.” Cartman says, and Kyle nearly jumps at the sudden noise in so much silence.

Kyle doesn’t want to talk; talking makes this too real.

“Maybe you don’t think enough.” Kyle says. “Actually no, you definitely don’t.”

Cartman makes an indignant noise and says, “Shut up; this fucking sucks and that felt good. Don’t overthink it.”

Kyle is slightly taken aback by how reasonable Cartman is being and by how much sense he’s making.

 _‘Is it really that simple?’_ Kyle wonders.

“…Alright.” Kyle settles on saying.

Cartman swallows and Kyle can feel it against his cheek.

They fall into silence for a moment before Cartman asks, “You were just thinking about the fact that I know what you sound like when you come now, huh?”

Kyle startles at how close Cartman actually was.

Kyle groans and says, “I thought we were never gonna talk about it again.”

“Well yeah, outside of this cave.” Cartman clarifies.

“Please. Stop. Talking.” Kyle groans into Cartman’s neck.

Cartman snickers but thankfully drops it.

Kyle is trying desperately to get his mind around just how bizarre his reality has become and he’s finding that with his level of pain and exhaustion it’s physically impossible.

 _‘This fucking sucks, and that felt good’_ Kyle repeats to himself.

Kyle tucks his face in closer against Cartman’s neck and slips his hand under his shirt and takes a breath. Kyle tells himself not to worry right now, to get to sleep so they can get up and be rescued tomorrow.

Kyle’s finding it easier to ignore his panic over his current situation than he’d thought it’d be. It’s due to the wave of exhaustion suddenly engulfing him mixed with, (ironically) the post-orgasm bliss settling in like a fuzzy blanket over his consciousness.

_‘This time tomorrow you’ll be in your bed; you’ll be clean and fixed up and so, so, warm. You just have to get to sleep. Just relax.’_

Kyle lies still listening to the crackling fire for a good ten minutes or so, letting Cartman’s warmth seep in as far as it can.

The last thing Kyle thinks before he falls asleep is, _‘Why does this feel so easy?’_

 

* * *

 

 Kyle startles awake and blinks his eyes against his bright surroundings. Kyle can’t remember what he’d dreamt about but his skin is damp with sweat and his heart is pounding. He’s still in a similar position from when he went to sleep, although he’s mashed a bit closer to Cartman and his wrist is positively screaming at him. His left arm has fallen asleep also from the weird angle it had gone into between Cartman and himself.

Kyle groans and shifts away from Cartman who seems to still be asleep. Kyle slowly pulls himself into a sitting position, taking care to move his broken wrist as little as possible.

Kyle blinks, it’s not really all that bright once his eyes have adjusted. Thin shafts of morning light trickle through the gaps in the willow branches and the hole above the sign blocking the entryway and dance along the cave floor. Kyle thinks that it can’t be later than 6 or 7 o’ clock in the morning.

Kyle cringes when he looks down at his throbbing wrist. He’s able to see it much more clearly now than he had for quite awhile and it’s gone a sickening dark purple color that reaches all the way out to his fingers. It’s swollen an obscene amount and the cuffs dig in painfully.

Kyle shifts carefully and holds down Cartman’s handcuffed wrist in case he jerks when he wakes up. Cartman’s face is serene, his eyelashes downcast, his eyebrows scrunched up slightly. He looks almost innocent in a strange way and Kyle swallows thickly before saying, “Cartman, wake up.” But his voice comes out hoarse and too quiet.

Kyle clears his throat and tries again, “Cartman.” He’s louder this time but Cartman only makes a soft grumbling noise and scrunches his eyebrows further.

“Cartman wake up!” Kyle yells.

Cartman’s eye’s fly open and Kyle holds his wrist steady as he twists around trying to gather his surroundings. His eyes fall onto Kyle’s grumpy face and he relaxes a bit.

Cartman frowns, lays his head back down on his backpack, and says in a sarcastic tone, “Good morning to you too, Sunshine.”

Kyle snorts and says, “C’mon its bright out, we should go back to the clearing so they’ll see us when they come looking for us.”

Cartman just makes an indignant noise in the back of his throat and pretends to be asleep.

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “I’ll give you half of that Fruit Roll-Up, C’mon.”

Cartman sighs heavily and slowly pulls himself into a sitting position. Kyle hears the bones in his back cracking as he sits up and Cartman groans softly.

“Fuck fucking caves.” He says.

“I’m definitely giving it one star on Yelp.” Kyle says.

Cartman grins at him and Kyle’s face heats and he looks away. It’s so bright now Cartman’s expression almost seems to be glowing, and Kyle spots the bright red teeth marks and dried blood staining Cartman’s neck. Memories and sensations from the night flood through Kyle’s mind and he shakes his head slightly and clears his throat. Kyle hates himself for leaving such a shining beacon of a reminder but he also feels slightly proud.

“C’mon, they might already be out looking for us.” Kyle says, tipping his head toward the entrance of the cave.

“I want the Fruit Roll-Up first.” Cartman says, like he’s negotiating a hostage situation.

Kyle sighs heavily and grabs his backpack off the floor and roots around in it. Kyle pulls out his last Fruit Roll-Up and shakes off some moss and dirt that have accumulated on the wrapper. He hucks it over to Cartman who catches it midair and raises his eyebrows making a ‘did you freaking see that?’ face. Kyle hides a smile and he watches Cartman tear open the package eagerly. He rolls out the snack to its full length and uses his teeth to tear it in half. One half is slightly longer than the other and he eyes them for a moment before handing the smaller portion to Kyle with a grin.

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “Wow, such a gentleman.” Before taking the half.

Kyle panics slightly when he worries that maybe that sounded like flirting. Then Kyle hates himself because he never would’ve worried about that before.

Kyle grabs the box of Wheat Thins that contains about 12 crackers and sets it between them so they can sit and munch on their breakfast in relative silence. The fire had gone out completely sometime during the night and now it’s just a pile of black.

Cartman notices Kyle’s wrist when they’re down to the last four crackers and he cringes visibly.

“Jesus, that doesn’t look good.” He says in a concerned tone.

“It doesn’t feel good.” Kyle responds.

“It’s probably gonna fall off.” Cartman says, squinting at it.

Kyle’s eyes widen slightly in horror.

“Dude.” He says.

“Sorry.” Cartman says, biting back a grin.

Kyle squints angrily at him and Cartman says while laughing slightly, “Dude, it not gonna fall off, I swear.”

Kyle rolls his eyes and grabs the last four Wheat Thins for himself. Cartman makes an irritated noise and withdraws his hand from the box.

Kyle collects the garbage once they’re done and shoves it in his backpack. Kyle motions for them to get up and he moves to go put away his textbooks that are still lying on the cave floor, but Cartman stops him with a hand and says, “I got it.” He brushes past Kyle to grab all of the textbooks and shove them into his backpack.

Kyle blinks in surprise and goes to respond with, “What, you’re carrying my books for me now?” but snaps his mouth back shut before he can say it.

‘That is definitely flirting; fucking get it together Broflovski.’ Kyle thinks to himself with a frown.

Kyle watches Cartman reconnect the straps of his backpack and sling the weight over his shoulder. Kyle keeps trying to wrap his head around that nice gesture as he moves to sling the one good strap of his backpack over his left shoulder as well.

Cartman stands close and keeps his arm still so as not to further irritate Kyle’s wrist and the two crouch-walk over to the entrance of the cave.

“Can I do it?” Cartman asks excitedly with a grin on his face.

Kyle looks to their makeshift door then back at Cartman, shrugs, and says with a smirk, “Yeah, alright.”

Cartman whoops excitedly before drop kicking the branch covered sign out of the doorway. It leans back and falls agonizingly slowly, the branches trailing softly behind it, before it hits the grass with a soft thump.

They stare at it a moment before Kyle says “That wasn’t very satys-“

“I know it wasn’t!” Cartman snaps, interrupting him before walking out of the cave.

They step on the sign on the way out and Kyle squints into the morning sun as he stands straight. They both stretch their backs and Kyle raises his good arm up and takes a deep breath of cool morning air.

The woods surrounding them look exactly as they had left them only far less menacing in the daylight. Little beads of dew have collected on everything and a thin wispy fog curls lazily around the trunks of the towering pine trees. Kyle feels much more grounded in reality now that he’s outside for some reason and he stands up straighter.

They begin walking at a slow pace toward the clearing, both being mindful of Kyle’s injury. Kyle can’t stop himself from taking one last look back at the cave before it disappears from sight.

Cartman’s eye looks slightly worse today also. It’s more swollen and turning a variety of unfortunate colors all the way down his cheekbone. It’s also obviously impairing his vision. He keeps tripping on tufts of grass, and almost walking into bushes and trees so Kyle has to keep tugging him this way and that to steer him in the right direction.

It seems to take them hours and Kyle’s wrist get’s yanked on more than one occasion, but they finally make it back to the lake.

Kyle sighs with relief as they step out of the trees and into the bright clearing. They can hear the rush of the waterfall now and as they walk closer, the gentle slapping of the water against the shore.

“C’mon, I wanna wash off.” Kyle says, motioning his head toward the glistening lake. Kyle is very aware that his hand still has dried come and dirt caked onto it and he can’t bare it any longer.

They make their way over to the water and Kyle sits down on his knees. He can feel mud squelching against them but he can’t bring himself to care. He shoves his hand into the icy water and swishes it back and forth. It’s difficult to wash with only one hand so Kyle pulls his hand out and scrubs it against the grass before shoving it back under the water. He does this a couple more times before he deems his hand clean enough and then he shakes it off above the water.

When Kyle looks over Cartman is swishing his hand around under the water, his other placed on the wet grass beside Kyle’s. He’s staring intensely at the rippling water and Kyle wonders briefly what he’s thinking about.

Kyle looks back down and remembers with some embarrassment that he should wash his stomach.

Kyle lifts his shirt to wash off and frowns at the fact that he can’t hold it up with his other hand. Kyle bites it in his mouth instead and scoops up a handful of water and rinses off the dried come from his stomach. He swipes his hand over his stomach twice and glances up to see that Cartman is staring at his stomach with a heavy-lidded expression, his bottom lip tucked just slightly under his teeth.

Kyle pretends he doesn’t notice and releases his shirt so that it falls back over him.

Kyle clears his throat and carefully gets up as he asks, “How’s that concussion?”

“Doing way better, thanks for asking Abraham Lincoln. I’m just worried that we’re not gonna make it to the tea party in time.” Cartman says as he stands up as well and starts walking away from the water.

Kyle grins and follows behind, says in a sarcastic voice, “You should be, they’re gonna run out of crumpets soon.”

They slowly make their way back across the clearing and sit down against the tree placed closest to the cliff. The branches don’t hang out too far so there’s a pretty clear view of them from the top of the cliff even though they’re in the shade.

Kyle sits down heavily in the damp grass and leans back against the tree trunk with a sigh. The bark is scratchy even through his t-shirt and hoodie and he can feel water seeping through his pants to his underwear.

Cartman positions himself next to Kyle and they lean back and stare up at the top of the cliff. The sun is just beginning to rise over the mountaintops and as they stare up and pray for people to appear, Kyle can’t help but get the sinking feeling that the sun is going to be very high up in the sky before anyone comes for them.

Kyle’s stomach growls loudly and he scowls at the vicious pangs of hunger.

“What’s the first thing you want to eat when we get back?” Cartman asks him. He’s rolled his head to the side to look at Kyle, but Kyle keeps staring up at the cliff as he says, “Twizzlers.”

Cartman scoffs. “Twizzlers? Are you serious? The knock-off Red Vines that taste like plastic?”

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “Well, what do YOU want to eat first?”

“An entire box of krispy Kreme donuts.” Cartman says in a slightly dreamy voice.

“Have fun in your diabetic coma.” Kyle says.

“Have fun chewing on sugar flavored rubber.” Cartman snaps, while he simultaneously leans over so that his shoulder rests against Kyle’s. Kyle’s face heats slightly even though he figures it’s just a companionable gesture to show there’s no real malice in his words. They’re both too exhausted and hungry to have much anger or fight left in them, Kyle thinks.

They sit in silence for a good while, their heads resting against the rough bark, shoulders pressed lightly together, just watching the line of the cliff and hoping.

Kyle’s mind begins to wander to thoughts about last night and not being rescued, so he has to keep forcing himself to think about different things.

He randomly realizes something and says, “Hey Cartman, did you take Dennis out of your bag before you dropped the textbooks in?”

The shock and horror that gradually spreads across Cartman’s face actually makes Kyle let out a laugh.

“Oh god, what’ve I done?” Cartman says in a dramatic voice, dropping his head down into his hand.

“Do you want me to check?” Kyle asks, motioning to Cartman’s backpack.

“No…” Cartman sighs heavily, “I don’t think my heart can handle looking him in the eyes right now.”

Kyle snorts and says, “I don’t like looking at him in the eyes any time.”

Cartman shoots him a nasty look and Kyle pretends not to notice.

“How long do you think it’ll take them to figure out where we are?” Kyle asks.

Cartman sighs and leans his head back against the tree before saying, “Depends how fast word get’s around to Clyde. Or, I guess it really depends who’s trying to find us and how incompetent they are. If it’s Barbrady we’re totally screwed.”

Kyle sighs and replies, “Well if he’s banging your mom that’ll probably help our chances a little bit, right?”

Cartman scowls but says, “Ugh, maybe. Just because he’s motivated doesn’t make him any less stupid. I’m just hoping he doesn’t recognize the handcuffs.”

Kyle shakes his head and takes another deep breath. The air is crisp and smells like damp earth and pine needles.

They sit in silence for at least an hour, just staring up at the top of the cliff and watching the sun rise higher in the sky. It’s completely above the mountains now and slipping behind some thin clouds. The morning fog has disappeared by the time Cartman asks, “You think that Clyde will tell them, right?”

Kyle scoffs and replies, “Dude, it’s CLYDE; the guy that cried during _Ratatouille_. He’s not going to abandon us in the wilderness because you spilt water on his Xbox, or because he’s worried about getting in trouble or something stupid like that.”

Cartman gives him an unsure look before he says, “Eh, you’re right. Clyde’s a total pussy.”

Kyle honestly hasn’t even considered the thought that Clyde won’t fess up, and even though he stands by what he said, the thought is disconcerting. Kyle hates being out of control in the best of times, and right now his fate is resting in some very unqualified hands.

“Let’s play a game to pass the time.” Cartman says after a few minutes, rolling his head to the side.

Kyle makes a face and glances at him before saying in a skeptical tone, “What game?”

“Ok, so how about you ask me three questions about yourself, like: ‘What’s my favorite color?’ And if I answer _all three_ correctly you have to give an honest answer to any question I ask you. If I get one wrong the round just ends though, and I ask you three questions about myself that you have to try to answer correctly. And we just go back and forth.”

Kyle makes another even more skeptical face and says, “There’s nothing I need to know that badly.”

“It’s better than doing nothing.” Cartman snaps.

“Is it?” Kyle asks, then says after a beat, “Fine, I’ll play, but with two conditions. No information that is shared will be used against the other person in any situation, AND I have the right to bail at any time I want.”

Cartman groans and says, “You’re no FUN. Fine. I’ll go first. Um, What’s my favorite color?”

Kyle frowns as he thinks for a moment before he says, “…Blue.”

Cartman makes the annoying sound of a buzzer and says, “Incorrect.”

Kyle says, “What? What is it then?”

“Red. Geez Kyle you really suck at this game huh? You’re really blowing it?”

“Fuck off.” Kyle says rolling his eyes.

“Now you ask a question about yourself, since you fucked up.” Cartman tells him.

“I know what to do! Um, what’s MY favorite color?” Kyle asks.

“Wow, great question Einstein. And it’s green.”

Kyle blinks and says, “Yeah. Alright, uh,” Kyle thinks for a moment then asks with a mischievous grin, “What percent did I get on my history test this Monday?”

“Dude, they have to be questions that it’s possible for me to know the answer to.” Cartman says in an exasperated tone.

“Alright, what’d I get on my BIOLOGY test this Tuesday?” Kyle asks smugly.

“94%” Cartman responds.

Kyle’s head snaps over to look at Cartman in surprise.

“How the fuck?” Kyle asks in a disbelieving voice.

Cartman coughs and shifts uncomfortably as he says, “What? She hands them out FACE UP and I sit right by you.”

Cartman sits two people away so Kyle wouldn’t exactly call that “right by” him. Kyle tries to remember if those people were absent on Tuesday.

“I’d like to go on record as saying that the only reason you’re winning this game is because you just made it all up and it’s bullshit.” Kyle says.

Cartman snorts and says, “You wish, you’re just stalling. Ask your last question.”

Kyle desperately tries to think of a hard question but it’s difficult when you’re put on the spot.

“Uh, oh, when’s my birthday?” Kyle asks.

“May 26th.” Cartman responds, then shakes his head as he says, “You really suck at this.”

Kyle groans and thumps his head back against the tree. He seriously underestimated the amount Cartman knows about him and it’s really weird yet sort of flattering, which Kyle hates.

“Now remember, you have to answer whatever I ask completely honestly.” Cartman says.

“I also reserve the right to bail at any moment.” Kyle says.

Cartman makes an upset noise and opens his mouth to argue but Kyle interrupts and says, “Just ask the stupid question.”

Cartman pouts and thinks for a moment before asking with a grin, “Have you ever had a sex dream about Stan?”

Kyle snorts and says, “Seriously? THAT’S your question?”

“Quit stalling.” Cartman says.

Kyle sighs and says, “No, asshole, I haven’t.” He blushes slightly and shrugs as he says, “One time in, like, eighth grade I had a dream we made out. I didn’t even wake up with a boner though, so it doesn’t count.”

“Hah! You gaywad!” Cartman laughs at him loudly and jostles him with his shoulder.

Kyle just rolls his eyes and shakes his head against the bark of the tree.

“It’s your turn.” Kyle says.

Cartman grows quiet as he thinks.

He asks, “What’s my favorite animal?”

“Cats.” Kyle says.

“It could be pigs.” Cartman says.

“It’s cats. Final answer.” Kyle responds.

“Fine, correct. Um… What’s my favorite type of sandwich?” Cartman asks.

“KFC chicken, mashed potatoes, and gravy pressed between two croissants.” Kyle says while making a grossed-out face.

Cartman licks his lips and Kyle actually hears his stomach growl as he says, “Correct.”

“God I wish I didn’t know that.” Kyle says.

Cartman’s brow furrows and he frowns as he tries to come up with a good question.

“Oh!” Cartman says and smiles smugly as though he’s figured it all out. “What’s my favorite song right now?”

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “That one Macklemore song about the Cadillac.”

Cartman’s face transforms to one of shock as he says, “What? How the hell did you know that?”

“You’ve been singing it all week and it’s your freaking ringtone genius.” Kyle says.

Cartman makes an irritated noise and says with a frown, “Well it WAS my ringtone.”

Kyle hums and says, “Well your phone makes a good paper-weight now. Also, that makes three so you better get ready bitch.”

Cartman groans and says, “Just get it over with.”

Kyle thinks for a moment before clapping his hands together when he realizes what to ask.

“What did you do to my room last April?”

Last April Kyle had come home to a weird smell in his room and his window unlocked. Small things had been moved that only Kyle would notice but he just KNEW someone had been in his room. Cartman had been absent from school that day so it wasn’t very hard for Kyle to draw conclusions. The only problem was that he couldn’t find a single thing missing. He carefully searched every inch of his room for booby traps, hidden cameras, or whatever else Cartman might’ve left; but he came up empty. He’d endlessly questioned Cartman about it and harassed him all week but he never got him to admit to anything. It’s a mystery that still haunts Kyle and this is the perfect time to finally get answers.

Cartman freezes and his eyes flicker back and forth as if looking for an escape.

“No one was in your room Kyle, you’re just being paranoid. You never found any proof.” Cartman scoffs, but Kyle can hear the nervousness buried in his tone.

“That’s not what I asked.” Kyle says coolly.

Cartman swallows and stares him down and Kyle matches his gaze with equal intensity as the other boy tries to call out his bluff.

Cartman breaks eye contact and huffs angrily.

“I didn’t do anything to it, I took something.” He says in a low tone.

Kyle blinks.

“What’d you take?” Kyle asks, frowning. He flicks through his most valuable possessions in his memory as he tries to place what could possibly be missing. All of his money had been in his wallet, all of his video games accounted for, his homework for that week, even his journal he keeps hidden in the upper left drawer of his desk.

Cartman let’s out a short burst of nervous laughter and says, “Last time I checked you only get one question.”

Kyle scoffs and says, “Are you shitting me? I gave you a WAY better answer than that!”

“I didn’t ask you to.” Cartman says, picking at his cuticles.

Kyle makes an irritated grunting noise deep in his throat and snaps, “Fine. What book am I reading right now?” Kyle is pretty sure this is a good question because he’d only read it at school one time during lunch and he hadn’t even been sitting by Cartman at the time.

Cartman pauses for a moment and Kyle thinks he’s got him before he says, “Amityville Horror.”

Kyle blinks once, twice.

“Ok no. How, the hell… Do you know that?”

“Dude, you were reading it at lunch.” Cartman’s face almost looks red and he waves his hand in the air as if to brush it off.

“Yeah, like once! Are you just watching me all the time?” Kyle scoffs.

Cartman’s face definitely looks red now as he says, “Never know what you’re gonna do when my back is turned.”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause I’m totally the one that starts shit.” Kyle says sarcastically.

“What about that time you changed my ringtone to porn sounds and called me in the middle of Chemistry?” Cartman asks in a high-pitched accusatory tone.

“That was only because you stuck a note on my locker that said to go to the Counselor’s office on the other side of campus, and then another note on that door that said, and I quote, ‘Haha wow you actually fell for that, what a dumbass’!”

Cartman’s face breaks into a wide grin and he giggles as he says, “Oh yeah.”

Kyle huffs and says, “God! Just… What’s my favorite class?”

Cartman pauses and chews his bottom lip in thought.

“Biology?” He says in an unsure tone.  
Kyle makes the annoying buzzer sound and says with a smirk, “Incorrect. It’s History of Architecture. That marks the end of your turn.”

Cartman scowls and says, “Fine. What’s the last movie I watched?”

Kyle frowns and plucks pieces of grass from the earth as he thinks. Kyle has to win this round; he’s going to find out what Cartman stole if it kills him. A solid minute goes by and Cartman manages to look slightly smug that he’s stumped Kyle yet increasingly impatient. Kyle suddenly snaps his fingers and says, “The hangover! The first one!”

Cartman’s mouth drops open then shuts then opens again. “How the hell did you know?”

“You were humming the dumb tiger song on the bus ride up, it was just an educated guess. I can’t believe you just asked me an impossible question and I STILL got it right! You really suck at this game, huh Cartman? You’re really blowing it?” Kyle brags, imitating the tone Cartman had used earlier.

“Ugh, go blow yourself!” Cartman snaps.

Kyle opens his mouth to reply but he’s interrupted by Cartman asking another question in an annoyed yet determined tone.

“What’s my favorite kind of candy?”

Kyle scoffs and immediately says in a patronizing tone, “Milky Way; ask me something hard.”

Cartman manages to somehow look irritated yet slightly impressed at the same time.

“We spend way too much time together.” Cartman says, shaking his head.

“You’re just mad I’m beating you at your own dumb game.” Kyle says smugly. “I could always get you to trade like four pieces of candy for a single Milky Way bar after we went trick or treating as kids.” Kyle’s not sure why he felt the need to explain how he knew the answer, but he does. He genuinely didn’t think he knew this much about Cartman and it’s honestly kind of freaking him out. They’ve been friends since preschool, but still.

Cartman mutters something that sounds like “Greedy Jew candy swindler” and Kyle just rolls his eyes and waits for Cartman’s last question.

Cartman chews his lip and thinks for a long minute before he finally asks, “What’s my favorite movie?”

Kyle thinks for a long moment, there’s no way he’s going to mess up now; he has to know what Cartman took. Kyle wracks his brain for movies Cartman’s mentioned and clues he may have dropped. He flicks through what he can remember of Cartman’s DVD collection in his mind and tries to recall Cartman’s reaction when they’d all watch them and which ones he’d pick. Kyle chews his lip before nodding decisively and answering, “You say it’s Fight Club, but it’s actually Stranger Than Fiction.”

Cartman pauses and doesn’t say anything and Kyle’s heart plummets when he thinks he’s gotten it wrong. But then Cartman scowls and his cheeks turn slightly red and he says, “What, are you just watching me all the time?”

Kyle just grins smugly and elbows Cartman mockingly.

Cartman groans and thumps his head back against the tree; rolls his head to the side to look at Kyle who is grinning at him triumphantly.

“Well go ahead.” Cartman says in an angry, yet defeated tone.

“What did you take from my room last April?” Kyle asks in a suddenly more serious tone; narrowing his eyes as he waits for the answer.

Cartman opens his mouth and closes it again, straightens his neck back up and looks to the cliff, shifts uncomfortably. “So, it’s not, like, weird. Don’t make it seem all weird, alright? It’s not what you think.”

Kyle frowns and tugs at the grass beneath his fingertips, this is not what he was expecting.

“You’re doing a great job of making it seem not weird; Just tell me what you took asshole.” Kyle says.

Cartman huffs and shifts slightly before muttering, “I took a shirt.”

“What?” Kyle asks in surprise.

Cartman just shrugs and tugs out a piece of grass and twirls it in his fingers.

Kyle pauses before asking, “Which shirt?”

Cartman frowns and says, “The ‘puck’ one.”

Kyle knew exactly what shirt Cartman was referring to.

Kenny had given the shirt to Kyle as a gift on his 15th birthday. It was grey, six sizes too big, and simply had the word “Fuck.” Written across the front in plain black text.

Kyle had laughed and said, “Dude, I’m not gonna be able to wear this anywhere.”

Kenny had looked thoughtful for a moment before grinning and running over to dig around for a pen. He came back with a black Sharpie and filled in the F so that it was a P and then added a terrible little drawing of a derpy hockey player at the bottom right for good measure. Kyle had thought it was hilarious and wore it constantly freshman year. It was really comfortable and he loved the dirty looks he’d get from teachers when he wore it. He still wore it occasionally sophomore year even though it had a couple holes and stains and the drawing had faded terribly; but by the time he was a junior he’d grown tired of it and it slowly migrated to the bottom of his drawer where it was forgotten. Kyle honestly hadn’t even thought about that shirt in at least a year until this very moment.

“Oh. Um…” Kyle desperately tries to wrap his head around this information and weave it together in a way that makes any sense to him.

“Alright.” Kyle says.

Cartman looks at him warily out of the corner of his eye.

“Why?” Kyle asks, dumbfounded.

Cartman shifts uncomfortably and says, “Now that’s definitely a second question.”

Kyle makes a noise of disbelief and says, “Are you actually fucking serious?”

“Those are the rules of the game Kyle.” Cartman says with a dismissive shrug.

Kyle chews the inside of his lip as he resists the urge to yell; He takes a deep breath and instead forces himself to focus on a more productive method of getting information.

“What’s my favorite movie?” Kyle doesn’t remember directly telling this to Cartman, but it is possible for him to know so he thinks it’s fair.

Cartman pauses and stares up at the gently waving branches above their heads as he thinks.”

“Dawn Of The Dead?” Cartman asks in an unsure tone.

“Ok seriously, how the hell did you know that?” Kyle asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Dude, you own like five movies and that’s one of them; I just guessed.” Cartman says with a shrug.

Kyle huffs and chews his bottom lip as he thinks.

“This is bullshit. What song do I hate the most?” He asks.

Cartman answers by singing Firework by Katy Perry ridiculously loud and off key way too close to Kyle’s ear.

Kyle groans and claps his good hand over Cartman’s mouth, affectively muffling the terrible singing and forcing him to stop. “Jesus, yes, you’re so annoying.” Kyle says rolling his eyes and shoving at Cartman’s shoulder in irritation.

Kyle frowns and squeezes his eyes shut as he thinks. This next question has to be good; he just wants to get to Cartman’s turn so he can get a straight answer out of him about the shirt.

“What’s my favorite holiday?” Kyle decides on. He thinks it’s a pretty good question because Cartman has always been adamant about the fact that Birthdays are the best holiday, and anyone that claims otherwise is stupid and a liar. Kyle must admit, his Birthday is a close second; who doesn’t love an entire day devoted to you with no stress of having to get anyone else presents? But it’s not his favorite.

Cartman pauses and Kyle holds his breath. Cartman frowns and Kyle thinks he’s got him.

“The Fourth of July, ‘cause you’re some kind of freak.” Cartman answers.

Kyle’s eyes widen and it takes him a moment to formulate a reply.

“Wh- how did you know?” He asks in surprise.

“Psh, you were talking about it that one time at Stan’s house. You really suck at thinking of questions.” Cartman says triumphantly.

Now that Kyle thinks about it he does recall offhandedly mentioning it sometime last year around the last 4th of July during a sleep over. He enjoys the low expectations and lack of stress. You don’t have to worry about how to react when receiving gifts and he just gets to get drunk and blow shit up and fuck around with his friends all night. It’s a night of freedom with no worries of noise complaints and the perfect time to just be stupid with his buddies. He can’t remember ever having a bad Fourth.

Kyle groans exasperatedly and sighs. “Fine, hurry up and ask so I can learn all of your deepest darkest secrets.”

Cartman looks slightly perturbed at this but his expression quickly morphs into a mischievous one. There’s something else in Cartman’s eyes and the quirk of his smile that Kyle isn’t used to seeing on him, and it makes him swallow and shift nervously.

Cartman leans in just a fraction closer to his personal space and Kyle forces himself to hold his ground.

“Have you ever had a sex dream about _me_?”

Kyle’s heart splutters in his chest and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“Now who’s bad at thinking up questions? Be more creative.” Kyle tries to deflect, but Cartman is having none of it.

Cartman leans in just a centimeter closer and the look in his eyes intensifies as he says in a smug voice, “That’s not an answer.”

Kyle opens his mouth and shuts it again; he tries to swallow the lump that’s formed in his throat but it won’t go down. His face feels like it’ll catch fire and his mind is spinning a million miles an hour. He can’t admit to Cartman that he had in fact had a sex dream about him, just the previous night, for so many reasons. For one, he knows Cartman will never let him live it down despite the clearly stated rules of the game; and for two, the thought of admitting out loud that it was pretty much because of him that last night had happened the way it did makes Kyle wish the earth would just swallow him up so he can sink down into a dark oblivion and never resurface. Talking about any of the events from the previous night makes it all way too real and Kyle thinks there’s a boundary that cannot be uncrossed if he admits to the dream. The only way things will ever be normal again is if that dream and everything else from last night stays back in that cave where it belongs.

Kyle digs his fingers into the damp earth and feels dirt cramming under his nails.

He swallows and says, “I bail.”

It takes Cartman a moment to register what Kyle said and once he does he looks horribly offended.

“What?! Are you serious?” Cartman’s voice has gone slightly squeaky.

“Yes, that was the deal; I reserve the right to bail at any time.” Kyle says in a stubborn tone.

Cartman opens his mouth to argue but no words come out and Kyle’s stomach clenches as he watches Cartman’s face light up and his expression grow sickeningly smug.

“That totally means yes.” Cartman says in the voice he reserves for when he knows something embarrassing about you or when he knows that he’s won.

Kyle scowls down at the grass beneath his fingers and snaps, “It just means that I’m done playing your stupid game, asshole.”

Cartman’s stupid smug grin only grows wider and Kyle refuses to make eye contact.

Cartman doesn’t say anything else but he’s positively oozing with glee over Kyle’s embarrassment and inability to answer.

“Too bad, I guess you’ll never know why I took your shirt.”

Kyle closes his eyes and grits his teeth; counts to ten to avoid screaming or punching Cartman in the face.

Kyle takes a deep breath and tries to sound nonchalant when he says, “Nothing that was said during the game will be talked about after the game is over dumbass, those were the rules.”

“It was actually ‘nothing said will be used against each other’; but it’s fine, I already know everything I need to know.” Cartman says in a sickeningly sweet tone as he rests his head casually back against the bark of the tree.

Kyle feels like his entire body is going to combust from sheer rage and embarrassment, and he counts all the way to 32 before he’s able to open his eyes again.

Cartman doesn’t say anything else and Kyle continues refusing to look at him.

Kyle is so mad at himself, he was so close to getting a straight answer out of Cartman for once in his life; but of course Cartman went and ruined it.

Kyle hasn’t looked at Cartman for a solid minute and when he finally chances a glance at him it only fuels his anger further.

Cartman looks so goddamn PLEASED with himself, just so fucking satisfied, and it makes Kyle’s stomach do something gross so he lifts his good hand and flicks the top of Cartman’s ear as hard as he can. Cartman yelps and clutches at his head.

“Ow! What the hell?!” he cries.

“There was a bug.” Kyle says mildly with a shrug.

Cartman grumbles and knocks Kyle roughly with his shoulder, but only a few minutes pass before Cartman’s back to looking pleased.

Kyle is positively burning with embarrassment and anger that he was unable to win at Cartman’s stupid game even though he should’ve known he never stood a chance. When has he ever come out on top when he goes along with one of Cartman’s ideas? Cartman just has a way of talking him into anything and Kyle hates it. Stan says it’s just because of Kyle’s competitive nature but Kyle thinks that’s only part of it.

Cartman keeps shooting Kyle smug looks and winking at him and Kyle is refusing to look at him or respond in any way. Kyle stares up at the top of the cliff and wills his rescuers to show up with every molecule of his body. The sun has reached its peak and is just starting its gradual descent down the sky. The light is burning Kyle’s eyes and making spots appear in his vision but he refuses to look away.

 _‘Please come, please, please. I can’t stay here another night.’_ Kyle mentally begs.

The rest of the day passes by in relative silence and Kyle is relieved after a solid hour when Cartman finally loses the smug look on his face. The shadows slide along the ground with the sun and now sunlight beats down on their legs. Despite the chilly breeze Kyle starts to sweat and he pulls his knees up and hugs them to his chest with his good arm.

Another hour passes and Cartman sighs heavily and thunks his head back against the bark hard enough to make a sound. Kyle takes a deep shuddering breath.

Birds sing sweet songs above their heads and as the day drones on it starts to sound mocking and Kyle wants to plug his ears or scream at them to go away. How can this day be so beautiful when everything is so terrible? A sinking pit of anxiety is constantly growing in his stomach with every passing minute as he worries that they’ll have to stay here another night, that they’re going to starve out here, that his hand is going to continue to swell until the circulation completely cuts of and it dies. Kyle takes deep shuddering breaths and tries to think about other things.

At least two more hours go by and the hunger pains in Kyle’s stomach have worsened significantly to the point where he can’t tell what’s anxiety and what’s the hunger. Cartman’s eyes are half lidded and it looks as though he’s fighting falling asleep but he keeps jerking himself back awake and Kyle wonders why he doesn’t just go back to sleep. Kyle wonders if he’s worried that Kyle will fall asleep as well and miss their rescuers or if he’s staying awake for Kyle’s sake. Kyle wonders if his hunger and exhaustion is making him delusional.

Two more hours go by and Kyle feels like he’s going to puke. The sun hasn’t reached the top of the mountains yet but it’s getting close. Cartman has tried to start a conversation with Kyle multiple times but Kyle can’t bring himself to respond. Cartman tries to joke around and even rile Kyle up by saying things he knows will piss him off but Kyle just puts his face against his knees and keeps it there.

Kyle doesn’t want to speak, he doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to exist. Kyle imagines that he’s just a balloon swaying in the breeze, no pain, no hunger; just bobbing along with the gentle sway of things.

As the day drags on Cartman gives up on trying to get Kyle to talk and glares up at the cliff top in an accusatory manner.

Kyle doesn’t take his head away from his knees for an indeterminable amount of time and when he finally looks up his stomach drops when he sees that the sun is already half way covered by the peaks of the mountains. Kyle quickly drops his head back down into the dark safety of his legs and squeezes his eyes shut. His stomach growls loudly and he bites his bottom lip too hard.

 _‘No one’s coming to save you_ ’ Kyle mind screams at him. _‘You’re both going to die out here, you’re going to slowly starve to death and no one will ever find your bodies and it’ll be your own goddamn fault’._

Kyle can feel the panic attack building up inside of himself like a geyser and he fights it off as long as he can until he begins to shake with the force of it. Kyle starts to hyperventilate and he hugs his knees painfully close to himself and feels his knee bones digging into his forehead as he rocks slowly in an attempt to calm himself.

Cartman says something but Kyle doesn’t catch what it is. The pounding of his heart and his desperate jagged breathing is deafening. Kyle forces himself to focus on what Cartman’s saying.

“-o ok?” He hears Cartman ask in a nervous voice.

Kyle shakes his head and continues taking deep shuddery breaths.

“Dude, what’s happening?” Cartman asks.

Kyle just continues to shake his head and he can feel the burn of tears building up behind his eyelids and he hates himself. He’s going to cry. In front of Cartman.

 _‘The perfect fucking end to the perfect fucking day.’_ Kyle thinks.

“Dude, talk to me, please.” Kyle can hear actual fear in Cartman’s voice which prompts him to attempt a response.

Kyle’s fingertips dig into his temples as he says, “We’re gonna be stuck here another night. We’re.. fuck!”

Cartman audibly swallows before saying, “We’re gonna get rescued, really soon. We just have to wait a little longer.”

Kyle’s never heard Cartman try to sound genuinely comforting before, besides maybe when talking to his cat, and for some reason the strangeness of it causes the tears that are burning behind Kyle’s eyelids to finally spill free. He angrily scrubs his damp cheeks against the muddy denim of his jeans.

Kyle doesn’t trust himself to speak again so he just continues to hyperventilate and simultaneously feel like he can’t breath.

Kyle can feel his fear building inside of him and devouring him alive, leaving nothing behind but thick black dark tar congealing at the bottom. He hates that he can’t control his own body and he hates that he looks like a weak whiny pissbaby in front of Eric freaking Cartman.

Kyle just grits his teeth and shudders and tries to catch his breath.

“Seriously, they’re gonna be here any minute. We just gotta wait a little longer.” Cartman says, and he sounds even surer of himself. Kyle startles when he feels the warmth of Cartman’s leg press lightly against his. It reminds Kyle of the reassuring shoulder touch from earlier, which is another thing he’s never experienced with Cartman before. It’s just the cherry on top of the gigantic pile of bizarre shit that’s happened in the past 24 hours, but for some reason it pushes Kyle to the point where he just slowly leans over and rests against Cartman. He slumps down and positions his head underneath his chin near his collarbone. Kyle puts his cuffed wrist carefully on the ground between Cartman’s legs so his arm isn’t twisted in an awkward angle and so that he can curl against the other’s body as closely as their awkward position allows. After a moment of hesitation Kyle brings his good arm around as well and grasps Cartman’s shirt lightly in his hand. Kyle feels like a needy child being held like this but he needs something other than this feeling that’s eating him alive from the inside out.

The heat and weight of Cartman pressed along his side is a surprisingly good anchor that tethers him back down to the moment. Kyle rubs the material of Cartman’s t-shirt back and forth between his thumb and index finger. He focuses on getting his breathing back to some semblance of normal. No more tears have fallen and he plans to keep it that way.

Cartman had stiffened slightly for a moment but otherwise doesn’t show much of a reaction. Kyle let’s the feeling of the soft cotton of Cartman’s shirt beneath his cheek and the fact that he’s not alone comfort him. Kyle feels stupid and embarrassed and pathetic, but he also feels much calmer in this position so he doesn’t dare move.

Kyle listens to Cartman’s heartbeat and then his breath. Ten minutes pass and Kyle still hasn’t moved, he tries to synch his breathing up with Cartman’s as a way to pass the time. Cartman notices and purposefully starts breathing in shaky irregular patterns to mess with him. Kyle snorts and smacks his chest lightly with his good hand. Cartman’s breathing evens back out and Kyle slides his hand further over to fiddle with the collar of Cartman’s jacket. He slides his nail along the smooth leather and then slowly down the metal ridges of the zipper.

“I knew you liked my jacket.” Cartman says in a teasing tone.

Kyle shakes his head and just says, “You wish.” Kyle would normally have a better response but he doesn’t really feel up to talking. He barely feels like he has enough energy to breath.

Another 40 minutes go by and when Kyle finally turns his head and peaks at the sun it’s halfway behind the mountains. Kyle’s breathing begins to get ragged again and he squeezes his eyes shut. He hates this so much, he knows that normally he’d have more of a grip on himself but the endless pain and hunger gnawing away at his gut is making everything so much worse.

“I- I can’t stay out here another night, I- I can’t go back to that cave-“ Kyle hears himself saying. He stops when his voice cracks and he hates himself and how pathetic he sounds. Tears spring forward again and Kyle shudders as they slide down his cheeks.

Kyle startles when he feels Cartman’s thick fingers sliding into the matted curls of his hair. Cartman begins petting his head and the pressure and repetition is surprisingly comforting and for some reason it only makes Kyle cry harder; awful silent tears that he prays Cartman hasn’t noticed, although he’s nearly positive he has.

“We’re gonna be fine, we might… We might have to stay another night but we’ll figure something out, ok? We always do. It’s not like we haven’t been through worse.” Cartman says as he continues to slide his fingers through Kyle’s filthy hair. “C’mon, you’re smart, you always find a way to get out of stuff. It's the most annoying thing about you. We’ll be back in our beds in no time.”

Kyle pauses for a moment before asking in disbelief, “Did you actually just call me smart?”

Cartman’s fingers halt in their movement and he pauses before saying in an annoyed tone, “Don’t let it get to your head, being smart doesn’t make you any less of an asshole.”

Kyle scoffs and actually feels a soft smile threatening to tug at his lips. Kyle turns and scrubs his wet face against Cartman’s shirt to dry off his cheeks. Kyle realizes too late that he most likely got snot all over his shirt too but he finds that he doesn’t really care.

Kyle takes a deep slightly shuddery breath.

A few minutes pass and once Kyle has calmed down he says in a quiet tone, “I don’t wanna sleep in that fucking cave.” 

“We still have over an hour of sunlight, we can hold out a little longer.”

“We need to gather more wood.” Kyle says.

“We can hold out a little longer.” Cartman repeats.

Cartman’s voice sounds weird and rumbly in his chest to Kyle with his ear pressed so close. Even with his face hidden Kyle can tell it’s growing noticeably dimmer.

Kyle feels sick but weirdly resigned to spending another night here. He’s mostly just thinking about having to fumble around in the dark for firewood all night and is tired of doing nothing. But he doesn’t say anything for another half an hour or so, he just waits as Cartman continues to watch the cliff.

It’s only when Kyle notices the chill creeping in fast and making him shiver that he looks up and sees that the sun has gone completely behind the mountains except for a few small spots sticking out from behind the snowy peaks. The lighting in the clearing has changed dramatically and shadows stretch out across pitch black water. Kyle shivers and says, “Cartman-“

“Wait, sh!” Cartman interrupts him.

“Don’t shush m-“ Kyle snaps but is interrupted again by Cartman gripping his shoulder tightly and saying in an urgent voice, “Do you see that?”

Kyle whips around and squints at the cliff top. It takes a full thirty seconds before Kyle sees what Cartman’s talking about. A small glint of light, just barely noticeable as it flickers in and out of existence behind the trees.

Kyle’s heart speeds up as he squints and leans desperately closer trying to make out what it is.

Suddenly, two sillhouttes step into view. They’re too far away to make out who they might be but Kyle feels his breath catch in his throat.

They’re being rescued.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is: "Various Disgraces" by The Blam (one of my fav kyman songs)  
> And the song Kyle is referring to in his answer is "White Walls" by Macklemore.
> 
> Sorry this update took so long! My laptop cord died and then I had finals and work ;A;  
> I usually make each chapter 11 pages long but this one ended up being like 26 because I felt too embarrassed posting a chapter that was just smut haha. Also you guys deserve a long chapter after waiting so long :P Ya'll have left such nice comments and you make me so so happy and inspire me to keep writing this so thank you so much! <3  
> -Maddy  
> 


	4. Sharing Hospital, Joy, and Misery

 

Kyle and Cartman both attempt to jump to their feet too quickly and Kyle’s wrist get’s yanked and he lets out a pained cry.

Cartman grasps Kyle’s arm to steady them and gives him an apologetic look. Kyle doesn’t respond; just starts yelling and waving his good arm above his head.

 

“We’re here! We’re down here, help!!” Kyle shouts as loudly as he can. His voice is hoarse and gravely and he worries that he isn’t loud enough.

 

They start speed walking toward the lake and Cartman joins in calling out to the figures standing at the cliff’s edge.

As they stumble closer to the towering cliff the figures get more detailed but they still can’t make out who they are in the dim light from this distance.

The people don’t seem to be looking down at them and as Kyle jumps and waves and screams he gets the horrifying idea that they aren’t going to notice them.

They get to the water’s edge, which is as close as they can get while still being able to see their rescuers. Desperation is bubbling up inside of him like a geyser as he continues to scream and wave. He can hear the panic in Cartman’s voice as he yells and Kyle feels the most intense wave of relief as one of the figures finally looks down and seems to notice them.

 

“Fucking finally, yes we’re here!” Cartman yells in aggravation and waves his arm at the people standing so far above them.

 

Kyle stops yelling and takes in great shuddering breaths of relief as the person that had seen them grabs the other and points urgently in their direction.

Kyle suddenly get’s really dizzy and he has to grab Cartman’s shoulder to steady himself.

Cartman grabs onto Kyle’s shoulder as well as he bends down and waits for his vision to clear.

 

“You ok?” Kyle hears Cartman ask in a worried tone.

 

“-m fine, jus’… make sure they’re coming.” Kyle says as he holds his head and fights off a wave of nausea.

 

“They’re coming Kyle, we’re gonna be fine. We don’t have to stay here tonight, we just have to wait a little bit longer.” Cartman says this in that weird reassuring tone that Kyle isn’t used to.

 

Kyle nods and once he’s able to see clearly and stand up straight. He looks up and sees that one person is shouting at them with their hands cupped around their mouth and the other appears to be talking into something they’re holding in their hand. Kyle can’t make out anything they’re saying over the rushing of the water and the wind. They have a flashlight that bobs with their movements and Kyle watches it almost hypnotized.

Cartman leads them around the lake until they’re standing at the edge of the cliff face. They can’t see their rescuers any longer past the steep jagged rock but they can hear slightly better.

They’re shouting something at them but it’s all garbled and Kyle can only make out the words, “Talk” and “catch”.

 

“What?” Kyle screams up at them.

 

They get more unintelligible yelling in response and this time Kyle thinks he catches the words “Watch” and “Throw”.

 

“We can’t fucking hear you!” Cartman yells back at them.

 

They yell some more and Kyle thinks they say, “Watch out” and “ready”.

 

Kyle squints up at the cliff and jumps when he sees a small black object tumbling down toward them. At first he thinks it’s a bird but as it get’s closer he gasps and points as he says, “Watch out!”

Cartman’s eyes snap up to the object and his hands reach out just a moment too late and it merely clips his fingertips before crashing down on top of his foot.

Cartman yelps and jumps back and hops on one leg as he clutches his foot.

Kyle tries to contain a short burst of slightly hysterical laughter as he asks, “A-are you alright? Is it broken?”

Cartman groans and staggers a bit before gently setting his foot back on the ground and wincing.

 

“If you could try not to kill us before you save us that’d be fucking fantastic!” Cartman yells up at them furiously.

 

Kyle opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by the sound of static and a tinny voice asking, “Hello? Are you alright?” followed by more static. It’s a man’s voice, unfamiliar, but he sounds concerned.

Kyle drops to his knees and fumbles desperately with the walkie-talkie for a moment before he finds the button and holds it down as he says, “We’re here! This is Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman! My wrist is broken and we’re handcuffed together and we don’t know how to get back!”

Kyle releases the button and a moment passes in silence. Kyle and Cartman glance at each other as they wait for them to reply.

 

Finally the voice comes back and asks in a confused voice, “You’re… handcuffed together?”

 

Kyle groans and says, “Yeah, it’s a long story. We fell off the waterfall and I broke my wrist so we can’t climb back up. We don’t know how to get back to the Reservation.”

 

Kyle releases the button and he’s relieved when they respond slightly quicker this time.

 

“Alright, don’t worry, we’re gonna get you guys out of there alright? I’m Joel and this is Christina, we’re park rangers and we’re part of the search and rescue team. We’ve been looking everywhere for you kids.” Joel cuts out and then comes back a moment later before Kyle can respond.

“We’re gonna change frequencies on the walkie for a bit just so we can get ahold of the other teams alright? Let them know that we found you.”

 

Kyle nods and then feels stupid, presses the button and responds, “Alright.”

 

“Your parents are out here looking for you alongside everyone else and they’re gonna be real happy to know ya’ll are all right. Just hold out a little bit longer, we’re gonna get you home soon.”

 

“Thank you.” Kyle says and releases the button.

 

The walkie-talkie stays silent now and Kyle lets out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Kyle looks over at Cartman who had stayed silent through the exchange. He’s staring at the black rectangle in Kyle’s hands and he looks just about as shell-shocked as Kyle feels.

Kyle leans back against the rocky cliff to sturdy himself and takes a few deep breaths.

Kyle just stares at the wet grass beneath his sneakers for an indeterminable amount of time before he feels Cartman grip the sleeve of his hoodie lightly, causing him to look up.

 

“C’mon.” Cartman says quietly, nodding his head back in the direction they’d come from.

 

Kyle looks up at the towering cliff and back to the clearing; then nods and follows silently behind. He trips over a particularly large patch of crabgrass and squeezes the walkie-talkie in his hand like a lifeline.

They slowly make their way over so that they’re standing in front of the lake in a spot where they can see the rangers up at the top of cliff again. Once they’re in a place that isn’t squishy and soaked with water they stand and stare up at the cliff for a while and then at each other. Neither really knows what to say and Cartman slowly moves to sit cross-legged on the ground so Kyle does the same.

The earth is still slightly mushy beneath them but Kyle doesn’t feel any freezing water seeping into his clothes so he’s grateful.

They can only make out one ranger now and they appear to be talking into their walkie-talkie and shuffling from foot to foot.

 

“We’re going home.” Cartman says, and his voice sounds like he’s still struggling to believe it.

 

“We are.” Kyle says with a slow nod.

 

They sit in silence for a few minutes just attempting to process everything that’s happened.

Cartman has a funny look on his face and he opens his mouth to say something but he’s interrupted by a much more peppy female voice coming from the walkie-talkie.

 

“Kyle? This is Christina, we contacted the other groups and told them that we’ve found you and your parents would like to talk to you. If you could just change your walkie-talkie to the fourth channel you should be able to talk to them. Can you do that for me?.”

 

Kyle doesn’t particularly like the way she talks to them like they’re children, but he doesn’t say anything.  
Cartman groans and rolls his head back as he says, “Of course they do.”

 

“Oh and just so you know, your friends were out looking for you all day too, but they had to head back about an hour ago. Just make sure to give them a call when you get back to let them know you’re alright.” She adds.

 

Kyle smiles at the thought of Stan and Kenny hiking around in the woods all day looking for them as he says, “Good to know, thanks.”

 

Cartman sighs and gestures to the walkie as he says, “Let’s just get it over with.”

 

Kyle twists the knob to change the channel and braces for the worst.

No sound comes out except the quiet hiss of static and after a moment Cartman clears his throat and says, “You gotta say something, dude.”

 

“You say something.” Kyle snaps and holds the walkie-talkie out to Cartman belligerently.

 

Cartman rolls his eyes and grabs the device out of Kyle’s hand with a huff.

 

He hesitates for a moment before pressing the button. After a beat he finally says, “Uh… mom?”

 

“Kyle, bubbala, is that you?! are you ok?! They said your wrist is broken?” Kyle jumps as his mom’s voice shrieks out from the small speaker louder than he thought possible.

 

Cartman gives him a smug look and Kyle rolls his eyes as he snatches the walkie-talkie back out of Cartman’s hands and takes a deep breath before holding down the button to respond.

 

“It’s me mom, don’t worry, I’m fine. I broke it when we fell over the waterfall but we’re alright.” Kyle says, in his best reassuring tone.

 

“You FELL over a WATERFALL?” Shiela yells, and Kyle cringes slightly.

 

“Yeah but we’re _fine_ mom, I swear. We’re just really hungry.”

 

“Oh baby, of course you are. My sweet boy, oh- Kyle I’m giving the walkie-talkie to Mrs. Cartman all right? She wants to talk to Eric.” She says.

 

“Ok mom.” Kyle says before giving Cartman a look and tossing the walkie-talkie over to him.

 

Cartman sighs and manages to grab it midair just as his mom’s voice rings out of the speaker. She’s talking much quieter than Kyle’s mom had but she sounds just as worried.

 

“Oh poopsykins, are you alright? Are you hurt? How on Earth did this happen?”

 

Cartman waits for her to quit speaking and then holds down the button as he says, “I’m fine mom. I might have a concussion, but Kyle’s worse off than me.” Cartman takes his finger off the button and pauses momentarily before clicking it again and saying, “Although I should mention; through a series of random unfortunate events completely out of my control, we also came to be, sort of…uh… handcuffed together. Just a heads up.”

 

Kyle drops his head down into his good hand and shakes it slowly.

 

A long moment passes before Liane’s voice comes back on the line and she says in a slightly unsure tone, “O-oh, well honey these things happen…” They hear some shuffling and Kyle can make out his mother asking, “What did he say?!” before they cut out again.

 

Cartman makes a “woops” face and Kyle just groans.

 

More static can be heard and then Gerald’s voice is saying, “Kyle? It’s your dad; we don’t care what you did, we’re just glad you’re both alright.”

 

Kyle grabs the walkie-talkie out of Cartman’s hands and says, “It was just one of Cartman’s stupid pranks gone wrong, we didn’t do anything, it was just an accident alright?”

 

Cartman looks offended that Kyle ratted him out and Kyle gives him a look that he hopes translates into, “Fuck you, you broke my fucking hand”.

 

“It’s alright Kyle, you can explain everything when we get you out of there. Right now the Rangers are telling us that they want you to switch back to channel 2 all right? We’re headed to where you are but we’re still a ways off and they’re working on getting you out. Just do everything they say OK?”

 

“Alright dad, I’ll see you soon.” Kyle says before flopping back in the grass with a sigh. He changes the channel back to 2 before he has to say any more and tosses it over at Cartman who just manages to catch it before it whacks him in the face.

 

Cartman frowns down at it for a moment before pressing the button and saying, “Uh… what?”

 

Kyle snorts and shakes his head.

When Kyle looks up at the top of the cliff both rangers are barely visible now due to the darkness except for the shining beacons that their flashlights give off.

 

“Hey guys.” It’s Joel’s voice this time. “So we did bring a rope ladder in case something like this might’ve happened but we didn’t account for the er- handcuffs. Do you think there’s any way it’d be possible for you to climb up?”

 

They both turn and look at Kyle’s dark purple swollen wrist and up at the towering cliff.

 

Kyle takes the walkie-talkie from Cartman and says with a sigh, “No, not with my broken wrist, there’s no way…”

 

“That’s what I thought. Then that leaves us with our second option: you’re going to have to cut through the woods and hike back to the reservation. Our first response search team is going to be here soon and we’re going to send them down. One of our best rangers is going to be one of them OK? His name is Dan Glower and he knows these woods better than anybody. They’re gonna lead you out of here and get you guys to the hospital as quickly as possible. They’re bringing the ladder from the truck so unfortunately you’ll have to wait until they arrive for assistance. Do either of you need them to bring the stretcher or will you be able to hike on your own?”

 

Kyle shakes his head as he says, “We can walk but uh, if there’s any way they could bring a handcuff key that’d be really good.”

 

“There’s a police officer assigned to each search party so I’m sure someone has one. I’ll message them right now to make sure they bring it. Let us know if anything changes.” The line goes dead and Kyle just stares at it numbly for a while.

 

“And now we wait.” Cartman says quietly.

 

Kyle sighs and drops the hand that’s holding the walkie-talkie down to rest on the grass so that he’s lying flat once more.

Kyle stares up at the stars as he thinks about his soft warm bed and a hot shower.

 

Cartman points to a patch of stars and traces his finger around them as he says, “That constellation is called The Butthole Pirate.”

 

The randomness of it catches Kyle off guard and he snorts before he can stop himself and Cartman looks pleased with himself. Cartman leans back to lie in the grass next to Kyle and look skyward.

 

“Mmh.” Kyle says in a tired voice, “And what’s that one?” He points at a particularly bright ring of stars directly above him.

 

“Ah yes, The Dryhumping Mermaid; a classic.”

 

Kyle laughs and bites his bottom lip to stop himself. “Dude, shut up.”

 

“You’re just jealous I’m better at astronomy than you. I bet you don’t know any constellations.” Cartman says.

 

Kyle sighs and says, “I’m fuckin’ kickass at astronomy dude. Lookit that one right there,” Kyle gestures vaguely in the direction of a line of bright stars to their right, “That’s the… Pineapple Dojo.”

 

Cartman laughs hard enough that he’s wiping away tears and he says between gasping breaths, “What does that even mean??”

 

Kyle laughs and elbows Cartman in the side as he says, “Shut up! I’m tired!”

 

Cartman continues snickering to himself for a long time and Kyle finds himself chewing his lip to hide a smile.

They’re always able to see the stars more clearly in South Park than in bigger cities but out here in the mountains with no light pollution it seems impossibly clear and HD. It stretches out for an eternity above them, twinkling and vast.

Because he knows that the danger has passed, Kyle feels like he can actually appreciate his beautiful surroundings for the first time today without it seeming like a cruel slap in the face. He’s just so incredibly relieved, he feels like the biggest weight has been lifted from his chest and he takes a deep breath of crisp mountain air just to prove it.

Kyle’s not sure why he does it but he rolls his head to the side to glance at Cartman and finds that he’s already watching him. His eyebrows are scrunched and Kyle’s so focused on trying to read his strange expression in the dark that he jumps when static bursts out of the walkie-talkie.

 

“You guys doing all right?” Christina asks in her overly cheerful tone that she probably uses to sound reassuring, but mostly just comes across as manic.

 

Kyle swallows and tears his eyes away as he lifts the walkie back up to his mouth and says, “Yeah, we’re fine.”

 

There’s more static and some rustling and then she says, “Great. The first responders should be here in the next 15 minutes, so just hang tight. Your parents are going to meet you at the Museum before they take you to the hospital.”

 

“Sounds good.” Kyle says. He waits to see if she’ll say more before dropping the walkie onto the grass and laying his arm across his stomach.

 

The temperature has continued to drop and Kyle wants to curl up on himself to try to keep in any remaining warmth. The wind has picked up even more and it seems to slip right through the fabric of his hoodie. He wishes that the rangers had thought to bring a blanket for them but he supposes that he should just be grateful that they’re being rescued at all.

 

Five minutes go by before Cartman sighs and says, “Do you think they noticed that I took Dennis?”

 

Kyle laughs and says, “Pretty sure that isn’t their top priority right now.”

 

Cartman sniffs and says, “Good, because I’m not giving him back. We’ve bonded.”

 

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “Oh yeah, you ripped his leg off, drowned him, and dropped fifty pounds of textbooks on top of him; best friends forever!” Kyle pauses then adds, “Actually that sounds about right for you.”

 

Cartman just sighs dramatically and says, “You’ll never understand what he have together.”

 

Kyle snorts before they fall silent and soon another five minutes creep by.

The cold is bitter and unforgiving and Kyle feels himself begin to shiver and he hates how helpless it makes him feel. He forces himself to focus on other things.

Kyle scoots over so that his shoulder presses against Cartman’s so that he can point out the stars he’s talking about with his finger and have Cartman be able to see.

 

“See that one?” Kyle asks; tracing his finger between the stars he’s talking about.

 

“Yeah?” Cartman asks.

 

“That one’s just straight up Sonic The Hedgehog.” Kyle says

 

Cartman let’s out a loud laugh and says, “Weirdly enough I see exactly what you’re talking about.”

 

Kyle grins and drops his arm back down beside himself.

 

They sit in silence for a minute or so before Cartman traces out another area and says, “What do you think that one’s called?”

 

“Ah, yes, one of my favorites. Named by Galileo himself; Mega Schlong is truly a beauty to behold.” Kyle says in a voice he hopes sounds like someone running a planetarium would have.

 

Cartman giggles like an idiot and Kyle tries to remember if it was always this easy to make him laugh. He wonders if it’s just because of how tired they are, or maybe it’s just because they aren’t usually this friendly to each other.

 

Ten more minutes pass in silence and just as Kyle’s opening his mouth to say that he wishes they would hurry the fuck up he’s interrupted by the crackle of static and a new voice saying, “This is Dan Glower, I’m a Park County Ranger, I’m ready to drop this ladder down but I have to make sure you’re out of the way first.”

 

Kyle quickly sits up and notices for the first time that there are now around seven silhouettes standing at the top of the cliff.

 

Kyle quickly scoots over, grabs the walkie and brings it up to his mouth. He holds down the button as he says, “Yeah, you’re good.” He waves his arm up at Dan after

he’s done speaking.

 

Kyle holds his breath as he watches them lower the ladder down and slowly stands up. Cartman stands as well and they walk toward the ladder where it’s making it’s gradual decent along the cliff face.

They walk slowly and by the time they make their way back around the lake to stand at the foot of the ladder there’s a man carefully climbing his way down toward them.

He takes an agonizingly long time to reach the ground and Kyle realizes that he’s going to have to wait through this for the whole rest of his team as well before they can get going.

 

Kyle sighs with relief when he finally touches the ground and turns to introduce himself. He holds out his hand as he says, “Hello again boys, I’m Dan.”

 

Kyle shakes his hand quickly and says, “I’m Kyle, this Cartman.” He nods his head in Cartman’s direction as he says his name.

 

Dan looks to be somewhere in his late 30’s and has a short beard with bits of grey peppered in. He has flippy hair and crows feet around his eyes and Kyle decides that he has a kind face. He has a hefty backpack on that he’s sliding off his shoulders with a grunt.

 

“The Museum isn’t too far, maybe an hours hike if we’re slow. It’s a good thing you boys stayed put though, it’s real easy to get lost in these woods and I honestly doubt you would’ve been able to find your way back to the trail from here. Once you get past the cliff it’s just a whole lotta unmarked forest.” He unzips his pack and digs around for a moment before holding out a small object. It’s hard to see what it is in the dark but he clicks a button and it lights up. He holds out the flashlight and Kyle accepts it gratefully. Dan grabs another from his pack and hands it Cartman.

 

Kyle opens his mouth but is interrupted by Cartman asking, “Did you bring the uh…?” He nods down at their handcuffed wrists.

 

“Officer Benjy will have that.” Dan says nodding his head upwards.

 

They both look up to see another man in a uniform descending the ladder. They step out of the way along with Dan to give him room to reach the ground.

 

Cartman just nods and Dan asks, “So I’m dyin’ to know; how the hell did you end up handcuffed together anyway?”

 

“Look, I’m sure we’re gonna have to give a report to the cops so you can just read that.” Cartman says briskly with a wave of his hand.

 

“Dude, don’t be a dick! He’s freaking saving us.” Kyle says swatting at Cartman’s chest with his good hand.

 

Kyle turns to apologize to Ranger Dan but he mostly just looks vaguely amused so Kyle says, “He’s just mad because it’s totally his fault.”

 

Cartman makes an irritated noise and opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by someone clearing his throat.

They all turn to greet Officer Benjy and introduce themselves.

Officer Benjy has big sideburns and eyebrows that curl at the ends, and Kyle thinks he’s the type that’d be wearing those stereotypical cop sunglasses if it weren’t night time. He seems vaguely annoyed and there are beads of sweat on his brow.

 

“So yer the boys that handcuffed themselves together ‘n threw themselves over a waterfall. You boys know you ain’t some tragic country song right?” He talks with a thick southern twang and looks really amused with himself once he’s done speaking.

 

Kyle feels his face heat and for the first time he’s grateful for the dark as he says, “It wasn’t like that.”

 

The officer waves him off and says, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get yer statements at the hospital and you can explain everythin’ then. Lemme get ya uncuffed fer now.”

 

Cartman rolls his eyes but they both take a step closer to him and hold their wrists out and wait as he pats around on his belt.

Kyle feels a burst of excitement at the sight of the small key glinting in the light as he lifts it up.

 

Officer Benjy cringes when he notices Kyle’s wrist for the first time and says, “Jesus, you really did a number on yerself. I’ll try to be careful but this might pinch a bit.”

 

He’s true to his word and works with slow and gentle hands, but maneuvering the key into the small lock and getting them loose squeezes Kyle’s wrist and he instinctively grabs Cartman’s arm and squeezes hard as he clenches his teeth and fights off the sudden wave of dizziness. Cartman doesn’t make a noise and Kyle breathes shakily through his noise.

As soon as the cuffs slide off Kyle is hit with intense relief. He brings his aching wrist up close to his face to inspect it but he doesn’t dare touch it. It’s hard to see in the dark but he knows that it isn’t good.

Kyle hears some shuffling from behind him and the sound of small rocks clattering against the ground. He turns and looks up to see another person slowing making their way down the ladder. They appear to be female with a long blonde braid that slaps against her back as she moves. She’s climbing even slower than the others had.

As they watch her almost comically slow decent Cartman makes an irritated noise in the back of his throat.

 

Kyle clears his throat and says, “Is it really necessary to bring all these people for an hour long hike?”

 

Ranger Dan says, “It’s not a long hike but it’s a confusing one, especially in the dark. I’ll feel a lot better having a second pair of eyes that know these woods as good as I do.” He clears his throat and continues, “And not to scare you or nothin’, but there are wolves in these parts and the more people we have the better off we’ll be if anything were to happen.”

 

Cartman makes a noise and says, “I told you there’s wolves!”

 

“You should not be happy about that.” Kyle says incredulously.

 

Cartman looks as though he’s going to reply but is interrupted by Dan saying, “Anyway, Christina is the last member of our group so we’ll get goin’ here real soon.”

 

Right on cue they hear the soft crunch of Christina’s boots making contact with the ground. They all turn to greet her and she’s somehow different than Kyle had pictured from her voice. She has long blonde hair pulled back in a tight French braid and striking prominent features. Her nose is slim and her eyes are piercing and serious even in the dark. She’s appears to be in her 20’s and she’s really quite beautiful; which might’ve made Kyle slightly flustered under different circumstances.

 

She flashes them all a sheepish smile as she says, “Sorry, I’m not great with heights. I’m Christina, we met on the walkie.” She holds her hand out to Kyle and smiles warmly.

 

As Kyle shakes her hand he thinks that her chipper voice doesn’t really match her appearance.

 

“I’m Kyle, this is Cartman.” Kyle replies, gesturing to Cartman after he’s released her hand.

 

“Nice to meet you. I mean, it’s not nice to meet you here, but uh… D-do either of you need immediate medical attention before we head out? What happened to your eye?” She asks the last part in a more concerned tone.

 

Cartman grunts and gestures to Kyle as he says, “He nailed me in the face with his knee when we landed. I can hike fine though, it’s whatever.”

 

Christina looks worried and steps closer to inspect it better.

 

“We’re fine, really, we just wanna get going. Get out of here.” Kyle says, rocking on the balls of his feet.

 

Christina still looks unsure as she says, “Well alright, good. I brought a map just in case, but between Dan and me I doubt we’ll need one.”

 

“The fastest way will be to the North.” Dan adds and he starts walking to the left along the cliff face.

 

Officer Benjy follows silently behind and Cartman glances at Kyle before following. Kyle nods once, as if assuring himself that everything will be alright, before heading in the direction that Ranger Dan is leading them.

Kyle hears a clattering noise and turns to see the ladder being slowly dragged back up the cliff. Christina, who’s following a few paces behind him, gives Kyle a reassuring smile.

Kyle turns back and walks faster to catch up with Cartman’s retreating form. It’s almost weird seeing Cartman standing so far away from him after being locked together for so long. His wrist throbs like a reminder of the cuff wrapped around it like a vise and Kyle brings his injured arm up protectively and presses it close to his chest.

They’re following along the cliff in the same direction as the cave and as they break through the line of trees into the forest Kyle’s grateful that they’re at least familiar with the route here.

They walk in silence and Kyle watches Cartman trip multiple times over logs and tree roots. He could barely make this walk in the daytime and his eye has only gotten worse as the day went on.

Kyle moves the flashlight from shining on the ground so that it illuminates his wrist. It looks disgusting and Kyle cringes and almost wishes he hadn’t looked. There’s a deep gash were the handcuffs had dug in and there’s crusted blood and dirt caked into it.

Kyle hadn’t been watching the distance between Cartman and himself and he looked up just in time to see Cartman stumbling back into him after tripping over shrubbery. Kyle yelps in pain as Cartman’s elbow connects with his wrist and Cartman quickly finds his footing and jumps back to give Kyle some room.

 

He holds his hands out in front of him as he says, “Shit! Sorry, I can’t see for crap. Are you ok?”

 

Kyle holds his screaming wrist as he says, “I-I’m fine but… maybe you should walk behind me.”

 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Cartman says as he carefully makes his way back around Kyle so he can follow behind him. Christina moves back so that Cartman has room and he takes his place in the line.

 

“Everyone OK back there?” Officer Benjy asks from a ways ahead. Whether he’d heard Kyle’s cry of pain or noticed them lagging behind he isn’t sure.

 

“We’re fine.” Kyle says and resumes walking.

 

Kyle doesn’t blame Cartman for tripping so much, Kyle can only barely keep his footing and he can see just fine. The flashlight illuminates the ground and sways along with Kyle’s movements in an almost eerie yet soothing manner. Kyle’s never been a big fan of the woods; he always feels like there’s something waiting to jump out and attack him from ever bush. The woods in the dark though are something else entirely; and Kyle hates the weighted feeling of anxiety it puts low in his gut.

They hike for another ten minutes or so before they pass the cave. Kyle notices Officer Benjy eyeing it suspiciously and shining his flashlight on the branch covered sign lying on the grass in front of it.

 

“That’s where we slept last night.” Kyle feels his face heat and his stomach clench tightly as he speaks.

 

“Very smart thinking.” Ranger Dan says nodding in approval.

They keep moving forward and Kyle forces himself not to look back this time.

As they hike on Kyle watches the cliff gradually grow shorter and shorter. He also hears rustling and the occasional curse from Cartman whenever he trips over something.

Another twenty minutes or so into the hike and Kyle feels a tugging at the back of his shirt. He glances back to see that Cartman is pinching his hoodie in between his fingers. Kyle finds it endearing even though he knows it’s just because Cartman can’t see very well and he wants to bang his head against the nearest tree until he knocks some sense back into his head.

 

The ground they’ve been walking on has been slanting further and further upwards as they go and Kyle’s legs are aching terribly. They’ve reached the point where the cliff has nearly lowered to ground level when Ranger Dan makes a sudden left turn and says, “It’s faster this way.”

 Kyle is grateful to not be walking uphill for a bit.

 The last half of the hike turns out to be way more complicated than the first. They keep making unexpected turns and twists and Kyle knows that they never would’ve been able to figure this out. Everything looks exactly the same and they have to keep making detours to get around the huge blackberry bushes that have taken root.

Kyle’s clothes cling to him with sweat and he can hear a slight wheeze when he tries to breath too deep. He can’t remember a time he’s ever felt this exhausted as they trudge on and on.

After what feels like years the ground suddenly starts to slope downward and Kyle’s heart speeds up at the thought that they might be close.

After another ten minutes of walking Kyle’s suspicions are confirmed when they turn a corner and can just make out the bright shine of lights peaking through the trees.

Kyle feels like he could cry from relief. He’s ready to collapse with exhaustion any moment but he just hikes faster.

 

“Almost there boys.” Dan calls back.

 

Kyle’s heart is in his throat as they grow closer and closer to the edge.

Kyle feels Cartman’s hold on his hoodie tighten and he holds his breath as they step out of the forest.

The back of the museum stands before them along with a few cops and some people from around town milling about in the clearing. Kyle doesn’t see their parents yet. He feels the soft release of Cartman letting go of his jacket and it feels like the end of something.

 

“Good job guys, let’s go get you some food and water and find your parents alright?”

 

Kyle can only nod dumbly in response and he follows Dan as he leads them around to the front of the museum. Officer Benjy breaks off and heads over towards one of the cops but Christina keeps following behind them.

People turn to stare at them as they pass and Kyle pretends not to notice. As soon as they round the corner of the building Kyle spots his mom’s bright red hair. She’s facing the other way and doesn’t see them coming, but as they get closer Gerald notices and starts walking quickly in their direction. Sheila turns to look where he’s going and immediately breaks into a run toward Kyle.

 

“Oh Kyle, baby!” She cries as she tugs him into a tight embrace and strokes his filthy hair.

 

Kyle hisses in pain when she bumps his wrist and she quickly remembers herself and pulls back to give him room.

 

“Oh, sorry sweetie! Oh, let me have a look at you. Are you alright??” Sheila’s voice has taken on the high pitched frantic tone that Kyle hates and he has to stop himself from flinching.

 

“Oh good god, look at your poor wrist! Oh, it looks terrible! How does it feel? Do you feel faint?” She keeps clasping Kyle’s shoulder and petting his hair as she talks and her eyes keep sweeping up and down as if she’s going to discover a missing leg or something.

 

Kyle opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by his dad saying, “Oh Sheila, give him some room to breath. He’s obviously well enough to make the hike back up here, so he isn’t dying.”

 

Kyle’s grateful for his dad’s level-headed response and he smiles at him. Gerald gives him a warm if not tired smile in return and places his hand on Kyle’s shoulder as he says, “We’re so glad you’re alright son.”

 

Kyle’s mom continues to gush over him and grab his cheeks and inspect every inch of him and Kyle glances back to see Cartman smirking at him. He’s just about to scowl at him but then Liane seems to appear out of nowhere and embraces Cartman in an impossibly tight hug.

 

“Oh Eric, poopsykins, are you alright?? Oh baby, look at your beautiful face, oh no! What happened?!” She cries as she clutches his cheeks in her hands.

 

Kyle smirks as Cartman’s face heats and he attempts to push her off to no avail.

Kyle sees Christina and Dan smiling warmly at their reunions and he flushes further at the attention and the feeling of being a spectacle.

They both spend the next five minutes or so attempting to calm down their parents and answer their questions, and despite how manic and overwhelming they are it feels so great to see them. Kyle doesn’t let it go on too long though, he’s getting extremely dizzy again and his stomach feels like it’s trying to eat itself.

 

“Not trying to dampen the mood or anything, but I could really use something to eat.” He says.

 

“Oh, yes of course, we have some food in the car and we’ll take you straight to the hospital.” Sheila says a she rubs Kyle’s back and pulls him in the direction of where Kyle assumed they'd parked.

 

They head toward the parking lot where Kyle can see more than a dozen or so cars sitting side by side. He turns back to see that Cartman is still getting pawed at and questioned by a very distraught looking Liane. When Cartman looks up at him Kyle gives a short wave as he walks away.

When they reach the car Kyle’s mom opens the door for him as if both of his wrists are broken and ushers him inside. Kyle slides into the back seat to find a grocery bag full of snacks and Ike playing on his DS sitting beside him.

 

“Hey.” Ike says, smiling warmly at him.

 

Kyle snorts and says in a sarcastic tone, “Good to see you were doing your best to find me while I was lost and injured out in the wilderness.”

 

Ike frowns and says, “They told us that they found you! Plus I was looking for you all day, I gotta rest at some point!” Ike shrugs as he adds, “Plus you’ve gotten yourself into a lot worse situations than this and came out fine.”

 

Kyle snorts and says, “Yeah I guess.”

 

Ike looks back down to his video game and clicks a few buttons before he says in a quieter tone, “I’m really glad you’re alright.”

 

Kyle smiles at him and leans his head back against the cushy seat as he says, “Yeah, me too.”

 

Kyle grabs a saran-wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwhich out of the bag and stuffs it in his mouth as his parents finish talking to a cop that had walked up to them. Kyle is already halfway through inhaling the sandwich when he hears the click of the car doors opening and feels the dip as his parents slide inside.

The car ride to the hospital is mostly silent, aside from the sound of Kyle’s loud chewing, which he hadn’t expected. He’s grateful to have the silence to try and work through all of his thoughts.

Watching the trees fly by his window is calming Kyle more than it ever has, and he feels the tight knot of anxiety in his stomach slowly unraveling alongside them.

 

* * *

 

 

It takes a good 15 minutes of sitting around in the waiting room before they get in to see the doctor. Kyle’s dad leaves to take Ike back to the house so he can get enough rest for school the next day but promises he’ll be back soon.

Cartman is only just arriving when Kyle’s name is called and Kyle wonders what took them so long but doesn’t have time to ask before he’s being lead away.

The doctor checks Kyle’s blood pressure, (which is high) and his temperature, (which is low), and listens to his heart and lungs. He pokes and feels at Kyle’s wrist and when Kyle hisses in pain he asks, “Does this hurt?” to which Kyle replies in an irritated tone, “Uh, yeah.”

Kyle’s mom shoots him a disapproving look but doesn’t say anything.

The doctor tells them that Kyle shows no sign of having a concussion but says that he needs to drink lots of water to rehydrate. He carefully washes the blood and dirt from Kyle’s wrist and applies a clear antiseptic balm to the circular cut from the cuffs.

Next he leads Kyle into a small room and takes x-rays of his arm before taking him back to his room to wait for the results. It’s a small bland room with a single bed, a window that looks out over the parking lot, and boring pictures and diagrams hung on the walls. Kyle taps his sneakers on the floor impatiently as he waits for the doctor to return.

When he does he shows them the glossy x-rays and points at the jagged crack as he informs them that it’s just a hairline fracture and that it’ll take somewhere around 6-7 weeks to heal. Kyle holds in a groan at the thought of wearing a cast for seven weeks but doesn’t say anything.

It takes them a while to prep the stuff to get the cast put on and by the time their wrapping Kyle’s arm in soft gauze it’s nearly midnight.

Kyle’s surprisingly never actually broken a bone before so watching the process of them meticulously layering on the cotton and plaster is actually sort of fascinating. Kyle’s honestly slightly relieved that he doesn’t have to look at his gross purple wrist anymore. He has to take of his hoodie to give them access to his arm and he’s immediately hit by how sweaty and terrible he smells and he shoots the doctor an apologetic look.

The whole process takes about 15 minutes and it stops being interesting when the doctor has to keep squeezing the cast so that it will harden tightly around his wrist and Kyle just squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lower lip through the pain. Kyle’s dad shows back up right around the end of the procedure and shoots Kyle a sympathetic look.

Kyle is intensely relieved when they're done and he stares down at the cast with an odd feeling in his gut. It’s not terribly large and goes from just below the crease of his elbow and over his thumb and stops just short of his fingertips. The doctor said Kyle’s lucky that it wasn’t a worse break or he’d need a bigger cast, but Kyle doesn’t feel particularly lucky.

He only get’s to rest a few minutes before a police officer comes in and tells them he has to take their statements about everything that happened. It’s not officer Benjy, which kyle is grateful for. This guy looks younger and has a higher voice when he introduces himself as “Officer Rodgers”.

 

Kyle’s mom huffs and says, “Couldn’t we do this another time? He’s very tired and needs his rest!”

 

Kyle waves her off as he says, “It’s fine mom, I’d rather just get it over with.”

 

Kyle answers all of the questions that Officer Rodgers asks him to the best of his ability, but his mind feels sluggish and he knows that he’s not describing things as well as he should be. Rodgers takes out a notepad and randomly scribbles things down as Kyle explains.

When Kyle is explaining the details of Clyde’s stupid prank that brought them to the top of the cliff in the first place he realizes something that he’d been to overwhelmed to think of earlier.

 

“Did Clyde tell you where to find us?” He asks.

 

The officer frowns as he says, “No, none of us knew about any of that, it was just luck that we found you. I’m sure word just hasn’t gotten around to him that you were missing though.”

 

“Hmm.” Kyle says as he picks at the fabric on his cast before his mom swats his hand away from her seat beside him on the bed.

 

The cop looks extremely concerned when Kyle tells him about Cartman handcuffing them together in order to get his money and he asks in a suspicious tone, “And this boy is your _friend_?”

 

Kyle shrugs and says, “More or less.”

 

The questioning goes on for another solid ten minutes and Kyle’s beginning to feel like he’s under investigation for some terrible crime. When he get’s to the part about spending the night in the cave he feels his face flush even though he doesn’t mention anything about the promiscuous activities that took place.

Kyle is growing increasingly more irritated as time goes on and he’s intensely relieved when Officer Rodgers tells him that that should be enough for now. He says that he may call with a few follow-up questions before he files the report and he tucks his notepad back into his belt.

 

As he excuses himself from the room he says, “We’re all real glad you boys are alright. Now I think there should be some final paperwork Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski need to fill out up at the front, and then you should be good to go home for a good nights rest.”

 

Kyle thanks him and he nods once before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway.

 

Kyle’s mom stands up from the bed and leans forward to place a wet kiss on Kyle’s forehead before she says, “We’ll just go and get this sorted out real quick and then we can go home.”

 

Kyle’s father pats him on the back before they both head out the door, leaving Kyle alone with his thoughts.

Kyle sighs heavily, scoots up and flops down so that he’s lying vertically on the bed with his head resting on the overly stuffed pillow. His arm feels heavy and awkward when he moves it and he thinks that it’s going to take a long time to get used to.

The sheets are stiff and scratchy beneath his fingers from too much starch but Kyle’s at least thankful that it’s not the terrible crape paper they have in the check-up rooms.

Kyle stares up at the boring beige ceiling and tries to clear his mind.

His attempts are foiled when he hears the door to his room click and swing open and he braces himself for another cop and another round of questioning. Instead, he turns to see Cartman standing in the hallway wearing a sling on his left arm and peering in cautiously. He looks relieved when he sees Kyle and saunters in like he owns the place.

 

“Hey.” He says casually as he moves to stand next to Kyle’s bed.

 

“Uh… hi.” Kyle says. “How did you know what room I’m in?” Kyle sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed so he’s facing Cartman.

 

“Magic.” Cartman says, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Kyle squints at him and Cartman huffs and says, “Alright, I might’ve gone in a few wrong doors and seen some gross old people, whatever. They wouldn’t tell me up at the front since we aren’t related.”

 

Kyle snorts and says, “Of course you did. What’s up with the sling?”

 

Cartman glares down at it like it’s the bane of his existence and he says, “I guess I dislocated it pretty bad when we fell so I have to keep it like this to make sure it heals right. Something about muscle tissue damage or some bullcrap.”

 

Kyle nods and looks at Cartmans swollen eye that’s been cleaned and has a small butterfly bandage along the side as he asks, “Do you have a concussion?”

 

Cartman nods and says, “Yeah, I guess it’s been long enough since the injury that I can sleep though. There’s no swelling but I’m just supposed to be really dizzy and nauseated for a couple days. I’m just supposed to rest and keep an eye on it and tell them if I start tasting colors or some shit.”

 

Kyle is going to respond but he notices for the first time that Cartman’s been holding his other arm behind his back the entire time and he squints at it suspiciously.

 

“What’s that?” He asks, nodding in the direction of Cartman’s hand.

 

Cartman’s face turns slightly pink and he frowns and tosses the object at Kyle. Kyle braces himself to get hit by a water balloon or some other stupid crap, but when the object lands on the bed next to him with a soft thump it takes him a couple moments to process what it is.

 

“Got you your gross plastic candy.” He says curtly.

 

Kyle stares down at the small package of twizzlers resting beside him for a long moment before he says, “Uh… thanks.”

 

Cartman just nods and shuffles from foot to foot awkwardly.

 

“Anyway, we’re headed out so I’ll see you later I guess.” He says, eyeing the door.

 

“Um, yeah. See you later.” Kyle says, still trying to process that Cartman bought him candy.

 

Cartman nods and gives a short salute with his good hand before turning and leaving the room. He leaves the door open behind him and Kyle stares out into the hallway as he tries to make sense of that weird interaction.

After a minute or so Kyle snaps out of it and grabs the Twizzlers off the bed beside him and tears open the plastic package. It’s a small pack only containing maybe 12 pieces and he finishes them quicker than he’d like to admit. They’re so sweet and satisfying and chewy in all the right ways that Kyle just can’t help himself.

Once he’s finished he looks around for a garbage can. When he doesn’t find one he just crumples up the wrapper and tucks it into the pocket of his jeans and leans back to rest on the pillow at the top of his bed.

He waits seven long minutes for his parents to return before he grows listless and impatient and hops off the bed.

He leaves his room and makes his way down the long bleach-scented hallway toward the waiting room. When he gets there he finds his parents standing at the front desk handing over a clipboard to the receptionist.

 

“Oh Kyle, perfect timing; we just finished up.” His dad says smiling at him.

 

“Sweet.” Kyle says and follows them through the lobby toward the large automatic double doors that lead out to the parking lot.

 

Just as Kyle is about to step out into the cool night air he freezes and groans.

 

“Ugh, I forgot my hoodie back in the room. I’ll be just a second.” He says, already turning to head back.

 

“Alright Bubala, we’ll be out in the car.” Sheila says with a tired smile.

 

Kyle speed walks back across the lobby and toward the room where he’d left his jacket.

Once he’s alone in the long hallway lit by awful fluorescents he breaks into a light jog, eager to get home to his warm bed. He spares a passing glance at the pair of vending machines lining the walls and skids to a stop.

He walks back and stares into them, looks through each item that they’re selling. He checks and then double checks. They aren’t selling any Twizzlers, there’s not even an empty space where Twizzlers could’ve been. Kyle frowns and walks slowly the rest of the way back to grab his hoodie.

Once he’s retrieved his clothing and made his way back down the hall and into the lobby he pauses in front of reception.

The receptionist is tapping away on her phone and Kyle has to clear his throat to get her attention. When she looks up she doesn’t say anything and she has a bored expression on her face.

 

“Um, I was just wondering if there’s a vending machine in here that sells Twizzlers? They’re, uh, my favorite.” Kyle asks.

 

She rolls her eyes and huffs as she says in an irritated tone, “Look, I’ll tell ya what I told the other one: We don’t sell those here. If you want some you’ll have to go to the convenience store down the street.”

 

Kyle blinks once, twice. “Oh, uh, alright. Thanks.”

 

“Mhm.” She says in an unimpressed tone as she goes back to tapping away on her phone with her long perfectly manicured nails.

 

Kyle hears her mutter in an irritated voice as he turns, “We ain’t a damn grocery store.”

 

Kyle walks slowly toward the exit with furrowed brows.

 

‘ _Huh._ ’ Kyle thinks.

 

The doors slide open with a ‘woosh’ and he steps out into the crisp Colorado night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter: "Hospital Beds" By: The Cold War Kids (the same song the fic is titled after)  
> I'm on break so I'll be able to update a little bit faster for awhile :) Thank you guys so much for your comments you have no idea how happy you make me <3 <3  
> -maddy


	5. Intrinsically No Good

As soon as Kyle opens his front door he practically sprints to the shower. He thinks he hears his dad say something to him but he doesn’t stop as he takes the stairs two at a time.

Kyle is pretty sure he’s never felt this exhausted in his life, but still nothing, not even sleep, is going to stand in the way of this shower.

Kyle practically throws the bathroom door open and starts pealing off his shirt before he’s even gotten the door closed. It’s a little difficult to get his shirt off with his new cast and Kyle is forced to smell his sweat and filth while it gets momentarily stuck over his face. He scowls once he’s removed it and hurls it to the corner of the room. He plops down on the closed lid of the toilet and starts working at the tight knots in the laces of his sneakers. He scowls at the mud and grass that’s caked on as he works on them. He gives up on the second sneaker and simply shoves it off his foot with the laces still tied. Next he moves to unbutton his pants and freezes when he realizes he’d never buttoned them back up. He rips his pants down his legs without undoing the zipper along with his boxers in one fail swoop. Kyle kicks his pants vaguely in the direction of his shirt before he staggers toward the shower and rips open the curtain. He turns the temperature up as hot as he can stand it before practically jumping in.

As soon as the water hits his skin Kyle lets out a deep satisfied sigh and practically melts into the feeling. He realizes he’s supposed to keep his cast out of the water only after it starts to get uncomfortably damp and he lifts it up and holds it out of the way as he leans his face into the stream.

Kyle can’t remember a shower ever feeling this good in his life, it’s practically a religious experience. Kyle grabs some of Ike’s fancy body wash and drizzles some directly onto his chest, (since his other hand is out of commission).

He stares down at his feet as he lathers himself up and startles at how brown the water washing down the drain is. He pretends that the disgusting mixture is everything he’s been feeling inside being washed away. All of the anxiety and confusion and embarrassment just sliding right off him and disappearing from sight forever.

Kyle grabs the shampoo next and begins working it into his hair. He grimaces at how tangled it is; he can barely get his fingers through it. Kyle finds little bits of moss and bark chips hidden within the matted mess and he sighs and sets each bit he finds in a little pile on the porcelain shelf. He doesn’t usually use conditioner but he does now and it helps him work the majority of the knots out of his hair.

The feeling of Cartman’s large fingers threading through his curls vividly flashes through Kyle’s mind and he shakes his head to clear his thoughts, like he’s some kind of human Etch A Sketch.

The whole process of getting clean takes a lot longer than it would have if he had two hands, and it should’ve been frustrating, but Kyle can’t even bring himself to care. Kyle’s arm aches from having to hold it up out of the spray but he just smiles. He’s home, he’s safe, he’s clean, he’s going to sleep in his bed.

Kyle finds that he can’t bring himself to get out even long after the water has turned clear and he’s practically scrubbed himself raw. The repetitive drum of the water against his skin is therapeutic and practically has him in a trance. He only snaps out of it when the water begins to run cold and he quickly turns it off.

As soon as Kyle is met with the quiet of his bathroom he’s reminded just how exhausted his body is. He feels like he can barely keep himself standing any longer and he drops his arm down to his side with a relieved sigh.

Kyle dries off quickly before wrapping the towel around his waist and moving to brush his teeth. He’s reminded how much more annoying everything's going to be now that he has to use his non-dominant hand. He thinks of how difficult school is going to be and groans around his toothbrush. He’d thought about pottery class, but what about all his other classes? How is he supposed to take notes?

 _‘At least finals are over.’_ Kyle thinks. _‘At least there’s only four weeks left.’_

When Kyle finishes brushing his teeth he rinses his mouth out and gathers his clothes off the bathroom floor and pauses when he hears a crinkle from his pants. His brows furrow as he pulls the Twizzler wrapper out of his front left pocket. He swallows thickly before tossing it in the trash and turning to leave.

The air outside of the bathroom seems impossibly cold compared to the steamy sauna he’s stepped from and he hurries toward his bedroom door. He has to drop his clothes on the ground in order to open his door and then he kicks them inside before practically hurling himself in after them.

He breathes in a deep breath and feels intense relief at the familiar surroundings and smell his room brings. Kyle’s grateful that neither of his parents had been waiting to talk to him, all he wants to do is sleep. Kyle closes the door behind him before making his way over to his dresser. He pulls out his comfiest pair of pajama pants and quickly tugs them on before moving to rifle through his shirt drawer. Kyle pauses briefly when he remembers the shirt that he’s missing and he blinks a few times as he tries to gather his thoughts and focus on the task at hand.

He settles on an old oversized Pepsi T-shirt and walks over and picks his dirty clothes up off the floor and tosses them in the hamper. He cranks the thermostat on the wall up to 80 degrees before practically sprinting to his bed and throwing himself in.

Kyle nestles in beneath the covers and tugs them all the way up to his chin. He buries his face in his comforter and takes a deep breath.

Out of habit Kyle thinks about plugging his phone into the charger draped over his bedside table next to his alarm clock, and then groans when he remembers that it’s lying dead at the bottom of his backpack. He also realizes that he must have left his backpack on the floor of his mother’s car in his haste and wonders if anyone had grabbed it. Not that it’s much use to him anymore besides the soggy textbooks it contains.

Kyle realizes that he’s going to have to go shopping for a new phone and backpack in the very near future and he groans. He doesn’t want to talk to another person for a week; all he wants to do is sleep.

This thought prompts Kyle to reach over and turn his alarm off; because there’s no way in hell he’s going to school tomorrow. He realizes that his alarm must’ve gone off this morning and he wonders if Ike had come in and switched it off in his absence. Surely it would still be going off if someone hadn’t.

Kyle had assumed that the moment his head hit the pillow he’d be asleep, but he’s quickly finding that this is not the case. Despite the exhaustion weighing heavy on his bones and pressing him down into the mattress, his mind keeps churning over the events of the last 24 hours.

Now that he’s warm and cozy in his home everything feels like it was just some bizarre vivid dream.

Kyle squeezes his eyes shut and memories and conversations from the day flicker through his mind.

He meticulously recalls every right answer Cartman gave during his stupid game; he remembers the feeling of Cartman’s skin beneath his teeth. He thinks of the awkward shuffle in Cartman’s step as he’d tossed candy onto Kyle’s scratchy hospital bed, the weird reassuring tone he’d used in the woods, the way he gripped Kyle’s jacket like a life line as they hiked.

Kyle groans and rolls over onto his other side and buries his face roughly in his pillow.

Kyle spends the next ten minutes determinably thinking of anything but Cartman.  
He thinks about how he should text Stan and Kenny that he’s all right before he once again remembers his lack of a phone. It’s also nearly three o’ clock in the morning on a Wednesday night so he doubts that they’re even awake. He guesses that their parents will tell them first thing in the morning anyway; word gets around fast in this town.

Another ten minutes gradually creeps by and Kyle feels his body finally begin to give in to the exhaustion. His eyelids droop and he lets them drift closed.

The last thing Kyle thinks before he falls into a dreamless sleep is; ‘ _Why the fuck did he steal my shirt?_ ’

 

* * *

 

 

Kyle wakes up with a start eleven hours later to loud knocking at his bedroom door. He sits up blearily and it takes him a good thirty seconds to remember his surroundings. Kyle brings his hand up to scrub the sleep out of his eyes and yelps when he accidentally whacks himself in the nose with his cast.

“Nn- what?” Kyle’s voice is slightly slurred and he frowns and rubs at his sore face as he speaks.

His bedroom door slides open to reveal his mom standing with a tray of food and a worried expression.

“Sorry to wake you up honey, but you need to eat and drink in order to get your strength back.” She speaks in a concerned tone as she walks over toward his bed, tray in hand.

Kyle smiles at her as he accepts the food and says, “Thanks mom, but I’m not dying ya know? I just have a broken wrist; I can make my own cereal.” Even while he says this Kyle’s stomach growls when he looks down at the steaming stack of pancakes topped with strawberries and the tall glass of orange juice placed beside them.

“Oh hush,” Sheila says as she ruffles Kyle’s hair, “You nearly died, I’m allowed to take care of you.”

Kyle rolls his eyes but leans into her comforting touch. He grabs the fork and cuts a generous piece of pancake before shoving the whole thing in his mouth. They’re fluffy and perfect, the way his mom always makes them, and they practically melt in his mouth. Kyle gulps down the juice greedily and sighs happily before relaxing back into his pillows.

Sheila pats his head twice more before removing her hand as she says, “You just rest as much as you need to. I understand if you don’t want to go to school tomorrow, I just know how easy it is to fall behind senior year.”

Kyle takes another large bite of food and says with his mouth full; “Finals are over so it’s all just busy work anyway.”

Kyle’s mom shoots him a look and Kyle swallows before saying, “But yeah, I’ll probably go. It’s not like I can stay home and play video games all day.” Kyle gestures to his cast with a grimace as he speaks.

Sheila gives him a sympathetic look and pats his shoulder as she says, “Oh Bubala, you’ll get used to it. It’ll be off before you know it.” She stands and turns and heads toward the door again. Before she leaves she turns and says, “Oh, and go and spend some time with your brother; he was really worried about you even though he won’t admit it.”

Kyle shoots her a skeptical look and she just gives him a challenging stare before leaving and carefully closing the door behind her.

Kyle finishes his breakfast in record time and sets the tray aside before lying in bed for a solid twenty minutes until his bladder absolutely forces him to get up.  
After he goes to the bathroom he slowly makes his way downstairs to find Ike furiously smashing buttons on a ps4 controller.

Kyle plops down next to him on the couch and asks, “Mind if I watch?”

Ike shrugs and doesn’t take his eyes off the screen as he says, “Sure. Not like you’re gonna be playing any time soon anyway.”

Kyle groans and throws his head back against the cushions dramatically as he says, “Ugh, don’t remind me!”

Ike shakes his head and tears his eyes away from the screen momentarily to ask, “So why WERE you handcuffed together anyway?”

Kyle sighs and watches Ike viciously run another driver off the road on the TV before he says, “I made a bet with Cartman and he cheated so I refused to pay him. So naturally he decided to handcuff himself to me until he could physically annoy the money out of me.”

“Ah yes, obviously the next logical step.” Ike says grinning.

“You know Cartman.”

“Unfortunately.” Ike says. “I take it everything didn’t go according to his master plan?”

“Yeah, I sort of ended up punching us over a waterfall.”

Ike let’s out a loud laugh and Kyle grins with pride when he causes him to accidentally run off the road in his game.

“Oh, got it. That makes sense.” Ike says, nodding sagely.

Kyle just hums in response and the pair sit in silence for a minute or so, accompanied by the sounds of Ike’s racing game and the rhythmic clicking of the plastic controller buttons.

Eventually Ike breaks the silence by asking, “Why are you even friends with him?”

Kyle chews his bottom lip as he considers his response.

“We’ve… been through a lot together. We all have. You don’t just walk away from something like that.” Kyle settles on.

Ike scoffs and says, “If he handcuffs you together and gets you tossed over a waterfall you do.”

“He’s gotten a lot better.” Kyle isn’t sure why he’s defending Cartman or how he even managed to get into this position but it’s making him intensely uncomfortable.

“Oh yeah, he’s the picture of mental health.” Ike says sarcastically.

“Everyone’s fucked up in this town, he’s just upfront about it.” Kyle says with a shrug, hoping to end this line of questioning.

“He’s also obsessed with you.” Ike says in a ridiculously casual tone.

Kyle chokes on his own spit and feels his face burning as he coughs. He sputters and waves his hand as he says; “He’s not _obsessed_ with me, why would you even say that?”

Ike actually turns his head to look at Kyle straight on and gives him the most deadpan are-you-fucking-serious stare.

Kyle feels his cheeks growing even hotter and he hates himself.

“He’s like that with everyone. He’s just a narcissistic asshole that’s physically incapable of taking ‘no’ for an answer.” Kyle continues to wave his hand as if he can physically brush away Ike’s irritating questions.

Ike rolls his eyes and goes back to staring at the screen.

After a beat of silence Ike says, “The only thing I can’t figure out is why you always go along with it. Like, you’re smart enough to just ignore it but you _never_ do.”

Kyle’s heart speeds up in his chest and his face feels like it’s going to catch on fire. These are questions he doesn’t even like to think about in the privacy of his own mind, let alone discuss with his little brother.

“God, what is this, 20 questions? Are you interrogating me or something? Geez.”

Ike just shrugs nonchalantly and says, “Just trying to figure something out.”

Kyle doesn’t like the way he says that and he’s going to tell him so but is interrupted by the telephone ringing. He practically leaps from the couch and runs toward the phone where it’s hanging on the wall in the kitchen. It could be Satan himself on the line and Kyle would gladly take it over this conversation.

Kyle presses the green button and says into the receiver, “Yeah?”

“Hey, what’re you doing today?”

Kyle nearly jumps at Cartman’s familiar drawl sounding in his ear and he has to pull the phone away from his face and check the caller ID just to make sure he’s not hallucinating.

“Speak of the devil.” Kyle says.

There’s a pause and then Cartman says in a cocky tone, “Ooh, you were talking about me?”

Kyle rolls his eyes and says, “No, just this other fat asshole that broke my wrist.”

“Ay!” Cartman yells into the phone.

Kyle smirks slightly and rests his hips back against the kitchen counter.

“What do you want Cartman?”

There’s a short pause and then Cartman asks, “Are you free today?”

“…Why?” Kyle asks suspiciously.

Cartman huffs and the sound crackles in Kyle’s ear.

“Look, my mom gave me money to replace your stupid backpack. We can’t afford to pay for a new phone or your medical bills so she says that it’s the least we can do.”

Kyle falls silent as he lets this information roll around in his brain.

“I figured we could go to the mall,” Cartman forges on, “There’s a new pretzel place I wanted to try anyway.”

Kyle swallows thickly, grabs a piece of frizzy hair and tugs on it hard. He knows that Ike can’t hear him but he feels like he can anyway for some reason.

“So… you want to take me to the mall… to buy me a backpack.” Kyle says in a disbelieving tone.

Cartman makes an irritated noise and he says, “My _mom_ wants me to buy you a new backpack. I want a soft pretzel.”

Kyle stays silent for another moment and Cartman let’s out another huff before saying in an exasperated tone; “Look, if you don’t want to I’ll be perfectly happy to just pocket the money.”

‘ _Why didn’t you just pocket the money? I never would’ve even known._ ’ Kyle thinks.

Kyle gives his hair one final tug before he says, “Well, I need to go and get a new phone anyway…”

“Alright, fine.” Cartman says, “So I’ll pick you up at 5:30?”

Kyle raises his eyebrows and asks in a disbelieving tone; “You’ll pick me up?”

Kyle practically never sees Cartman drive; his mom is pretty stingy with the car, (and for good reason).

Not to mention that Kenny got his license and Kevin’s old pickup truck almost two years ago and provides the majority of their transportation when they can pitch in for gas.

“Yeah, apparently if you fall over a waterfall and almost die you get breakfast in bed and access to the car.” Cartman says in a smug voice.

Kyle thinks of his own breakfast and smiles to himself; vaguely wonders what unhealthy concoction Lianne had created.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to drive with a concussion, dude.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re a huge nag.” Cartman says.

Kyle huffs and replies, “Whatever, I’ll see you at 5:30.”

There’s a pause and then Cartman says in a mocking tone, “I knew you’d miss me already.”

Kyle rolls his eyes and hangs up in response. He pushes away from the counter and ignores how warm his face feels from Cartman’s taunt.

Kyle and Cartman almost never hang out alone. Unless you count the brief time they spend walking together in the hallways at school or the times they got detention together; the last time Kyle can remember was almost two months ago when Kenny had mono and Stan’s family went on vacation to California. It was weird enough spending so much time alone with Cartman in the first place, but now he’s willingly going to do it again, the very next day no less. And he doesn’t feel… terrible about it. At least he’s not dreading it. Kyle’s mostly just glad he doesn’t have to buy a new phone _and_ backpack.

Kyle walks out of the kitchen into the living room and starts heading in the direction of his room when Ike asks, “Who was that?”

Kyle clears his throat and turns briefly at the bottom of the stairs as he says, “I’m going to the mall to get a new phone and backpack. Do you need anything?”

Ike raises his eyebrow at him and gives him a _look_ but he just says, “Get me a slice of pizza from that place I like.”

Kyle doesn’t respond, just turns and starts up the stairs toward his bedroom, grateful that he successfully got Ike to drop it through bribery.

Kyle goes to his room and swaps his large Pepsi shirt for a normal one with a Last Of Us logo across the front. Next he takes off his pajama pants and tugs on a pair of boxers and dark blue jeans that have gone frayed and ratty at the ends where he always steps on them. Getting dressed with one hand is never going to stop being frustrating, Kyle realizes.

He pulls on a pair of mismatched socks and finds a clean pair of sneakers at the back of his closet and sets them aside for later. This pair isn’t as comfortable as his usual ones but those are still caked in mud.

Kyle hears the phone ringing from downstairs again and he yells at Ike to get it.

Kyle goes to the bathroom next and frowns at his reflection. He has dark circles under his eyes and his hair is still visibly tangled. He grabs a comb off the counter and spends a minute or so attempting to work it through his hair. He get’s most of the remaining tangles out but it just ends up making it ridiculously frizzy. Kyle sighs and turns the tap on. He’s in the process of wetting his hand and trying to pat down some of the ridiculous amount of poof when his mom is suddenly at the doorway saying his name. Kyle jumps and puts a hand over his heart as he says, “Jesus! You scared the crap out of me!”

Sheila looks like she’s trying to hold in a laugh as she says, “Sorry, Stan’s on the phone for you.”

Kyle notices for the first time that she has the telephone in hand and is holding it out to him. Kyle blinks once and accepts the phone. Sheila turns to leave but Kyle presses the phone against his chest to muffle his words as he says quickly, “Oh, I’m gonna head down to the mall to get a new phone and backpack for school.”

Sheila turns back around and says, “Oh, I’ll give you a ride. Do you have enough money to get both?”

“No thanks, Cartman’s driving me. His mom’s making him buy me a new backpack so I should have enough for a new phone.” Kyle tells her.

Sheila frowns and says, “Oh, alright then. Make sure to tell her thank you.”

“Yup.” Kyle says.

“And don’t stay out too late, it’s a school night.” She adds.

“Got it.” Kyle says, lifting the phone up to his ear.

Sheila smiles and leaves to give him privacy.

“Hey.” Kyle says in a friendly tone, an easy smile gracing his lips.

“Dude!” Stan practically shrieks in his ear. Kyle flinches and it reminds him of how his mom had sounded over the walkie.

“Yes?” Kyle asks.

“Are you alright? My dad just told me that they found you guys last night! Why didn’t you text me or something??” Stan asks frantically. Kyle can hear some loud shuffling and then Kenny’s voice slightly muffled asking, “What’s he saying?”

Stan says, “Hold up dude, Jesus!” and then more shuffling that Kyle assumes is Stan shoving Kenny away.

Despite Stan’s manic tone his voice immediately puts Kyle at ease. He’s a lot more enthusiastic about going to school tomorrow knowing that he get’s to see Stan and Kenny and tell them about all the bullshit Cartman put him through. Well, tell them about most of it.

“I’m fine, I just broke my wrist and Cartman got a concussion. And my phone died when we fell in the water so I couldn’t text you. I got home at like four in the morning and I only woke up a couple hours ago, but I should’ve called you guys sooner, I’m sorry.”

“Shit dude… Wait, you fell in water?” Stan asks in an amused tone.

“Well more like we fell over a waterfall, but yeah.”

“You fell over a waterfall?!” Stan yells.

Kyle hears Kenny ask, “They what??” In the background and then Stan’s saying in an urgent tone, “Hold up, I’m putting you on speaker.”

Kyle sighs and waits for the sound of Stan pressing the button before he continues.

“Yeah it’s a long story… Cartman waited until we were out in the woods and handcuffed us together to try and make me pay him for that stupid bet he cheated at.”

Kenny says, “Kinky.” And then he makes a pained, “Oof!” sound and Kyle wonders if Stan elbowed him.

“Sounds pretty typical, how the hell did you end up falling over a waterfall??” Stan asks.

Kyle sighs and says, “It’s really stupid, but Clyde told Cartman that there’s some crazy guy that has a chinchilla farm out there and he dresses them all up in little outfits and-“

“Oh!” Kenny interrupts excitedly. “My brother told me about that place! Did you get to see the chinchillas? Was there a batman one? I never got to go ‘cause I was… sick.”

“No, there were no chinchillas Kenny. Clyde was just playing a prank on him 'cause I guess Cartman spilt water on his Xbox like a million years ago.” Kyle says with an exasperated sigh.

“I remember that!” Stan pipes up excitedly.

“Can you let me finish the story please?” Kyle says. “So we walked way the fuck up this freaking mountain handcuffed together and there’s no goddamn chinchillas. I found out that he had the key to the handcuffs on him somewhere and he refused to unlock us for the super long hike back so I just sort of… attacked him.” Kyle shrugs and then feels stupid since they can’t see him.

He hears Kenny laughing in the background and he can picture Stan’s concerned expression perfectly.

“And you just… fell over a waterfall??” Stan asks in a horrified tone.

“Yeah, basically.” Kyle says while he goes back to attempting to pat his hair down in the mirror. “That part was kinda my bad. Although it wouldn’t have happened if that asshole hadn’t handcuffed us together in the first place, but… that’s beside the point.”

“How’d you like falling over a waterfall? It sucks right?” Kenny asks.

“When did _you_ fall over a waterfall?” Kyle asks scrunching up his eyebrows.

“You weren’t there.” Kenny says in a dismissive tone.

“Wait,” Stan says, “Does this mean I’m the only one in the group who _hasn’t_ fallen over a waterfall?”

Kyle snorts and Kenny says, “You can’t sit with us anymore Stan, you’re not a cool kid.”

Stan makes an indignant noise and Kyle shakes his head with a grin.

“Hey, uh, what time is it?” Kyle asks glancing around even though he knows there’s no clock in the bathroom.

“Uh… 5:20. Why?” Stan says.

“Shit, I gotta go. Sorry guys, I have to go buy a new backpack and phone before the mall closes.” Kyle says.

He gives up on his hair and leaves the bathroom and goes back into his room to start searching around for a beanie. He frowns when he remembers that his favorite one is now sitting at the bottom of a lake.

“What happened to your backpack?” Stan asks in a confused voice.

“Cartman had to saw it off.” Kyle says absentmindedly as he decides on a tight-knit black beanie and tugs it on his head.

“He had to _saw_ it off??” Stan asks sounding extremely concerned.

“Look, I swear I’ll tell you guys everything when I get back, I just really have to go right now, OK?” Kyle says while he presses the phone to his ear with his shoulder and attempts to pull on his sneaker one handed.

“Call me from your new number when you get your phone so that I have it.” Stan says.

“It’ll be the same number dude-“ Kyle’s interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

“Shit, I really gotta go. I’ll talk to you guys later!” Kyle says as he desperately works on pulling on his second shoe.

Kyle hears Kenny crow in a ridiculous voice, “Love you boo~” Just before he hits the end button and jumps up from his spot on the floor. Kyle snags his big grey hoodie from the hook on the back of his door and carefully tugs it on over his cast. Next he grabs his wallet from the top of his dresser and fits it in his back pocket before grabbing the landline and leaving his room.

Kyle jogs his way down the stairs and sets the telephone down on the side table by the entryway before grabbing for the door handle. He thanks whatever God is listening that Ike was too lazy to answer it.

He swings the door open to find Cartman standing casually with one hand shoved deep in the front right pocket of his jeans and the other loudly twirling a ring of keys around his index finger. He’s wearing a large red hoodie with a black stripe across the front instead of his leather jacket and Kyle can see the bite marks on his neck beginning to scab up. His eye barely looks swollen anymore but it’s still a nasty shade of purple with yellow dotted in here and there. He’s not wearing his sling today.

“Took you long enough.” Cartman says, raising an eyebrow.

Kyle rolls his eyes and gestures for Cartman to move out of the way as he says, “It took me like, one minute.”

Cartman just hums and steps back so that Kyle can step outside. He pauses just outside before he leans his head back in through the doorway to yell at Ike, “I’ll be back in a bit!”

“Mhm.” Ike responds, not even taking his eyes off of the television screen.

Kyle shuts the door and turns to see that Cartman is already walking to his car. Kyle speed walks to catch up to him and curses as he nearly trips over his untied shoelaces.

Kyle crosses his yard and watches Cartman sliding into the driver’s side of his mom’s Toyota Prius. Kyle takes wide steps in order to avoid tripping before he opens the passenger side door and slides into the seat. Kyle closes the door behind him and there’s a moment of silence.

“So how’s life as a cripple?” Cartman asks.

“It fucking sucks. Tie my shoes.” Kyle huffs before twisting in his seat and kicking his wet sneakered feet up onto Cartman’s lap with an annoyed frown.

Cartman snorts but grabs Kyle’s laces and begins working them into knots as he says, “Gotta get you some Velcro ones. Those dorky ones that light up.”

Kyle scoffs and says, “Light-up shoes are awesome, dude.”

Cartman finishes the first shoe and moves on to the second as he says, “There was this case awhile back that Clyde told me about where a guy robbed a convenience store and tried to escape through the woods. It was the middle of the night and the cops said he definitely would have gotten away if he hadn’t have been wearing, you guessed it: light-up shoes. Light-up shoes are gay.”

Kyle rolls his eyes as he says sarcastically, “Well I’m not planning on committing any night crimes and fleeing through the woods any time soon, so I think I’ll be OK.”

“You never know.” Cartman says, tying the last knot with finality.

“With you as a friend, maybe.” Kyle says, pulling his feet out of Cartman’s lap and placing them back on the floor. “And stop believing shit that Clyde tells you!” Kyle snaps as he reaches over and buckles his seatbelt.

Cartman just snickers and starts the car. The heat immediately comes on full force and Kyle sighs happily as he rubs his cold fingers together.

Cartman buckles his seat belt and glances behind them before before backing out of the Broflovski’s driveway.

Kyle has the irrational fear that if he stops talking they’ll fall into a tense silence and he finds himself asking, “So no sling? And you’re driving with a concussion? I’m glad to see you’re taking this recovery thing super seriously.”

Cartman smirks as he says in a mocking tone, “Aw, are you worried?”

“Only for my own safety. Just keep your eyes on the road.” Kyle says as he scowls at Cartman’s surprisingly decent driving.

Cartman just snorts and turns left onto the street that leads directly to the mall.

They fall into silence as houses and shops glide by the window, but it isn’t exactly tense like Kyle had worried. It’s just… there. Like the weird feeling that’s forming in Kyle’s gut.

They pass by the movie theater and a minute later they’re pulling into the bumpy mall parking lot. Kyle jostles in his seat as they drive over a few decent sized potholes and holds his arm protectively. It hasn’t been hurting nearly as bad today but it’s become a habit now to protect it.

Cartman parks in one of the multiple vacant spots right up front and turns the car off. The South Park mall isn’t usually bustling with business but it’s especially deserted this time of evening on a Thursday.

Cartman unbuckles his seatbelt and asks, “You talk to Stan and Kenny yet?”

Kyle nods and smiles briefly at the memory as he replies, “Yeah, just for a few minutes on the phone. They probably called your house next.”

Kyle suddenly feels weird about the fact that he hadn’t told them that he was going to the mall with Cartman. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything, he just didn’t have time to explain everything. He wonders if Lianne is going to tell them over the phone where Cartman is and if it’ll seem like he’d kept it from them.

“I wonder how many texts from them we’re gonna get once we get our new phones set up.”

Kyle is startled out of his anxieties by Cartman’s words and smirks because he hadn’t actually thought about that.

“I bet I’ll get more.” Kyle says.

Cartman opens the car door and turns to get out as he scoffs and says, “In your dreams.”

Kyle follows him out and shuts the door behind him. The car chirps as Cartman presses the button to lock it and they start heading across the parking lot toward the mall. Cartman pauses briefly for Kyle to catch up so they’re walking side by side across the icy parking lot. Kyle shoves his cold fingers into his hoodie pockets and fiddles with the lint he finds there.

“You goin’ to school tomorrow?” Cartman asks as he sends a pebble skittering across the pavement with his sneaker.

Kyle hums and says, “Yeah, I think so. I gotta tell everyone how bad you fucked up, right?”

Cartman makes and indignant squawking noise and says, “I- you’re the one who- It’s your word against mine, who do you think they’re gonna believe?!”

“Definitely me.” Kyle says with a smirk. “What about you? Are you going?”

Cartman scowls and says, “Yeah, if only to kick Clyde’s ass.”

They reach the large double doors at the front of the building and Cartman holds the left one open so they can both pass through. Kyle thinks the fact that the South Park mall couldn’t even spring for automatic doors is a true testament to the quality of the establishment. The building is two stories tall but the amount of actual open businesses inside could easily fit on one floor alone.

Kyle scoffs and says, “C’mon, it’s not his fault we fell.”

Cartman rolls his eyes and says, “Maybe not, but he’s the one that tricked us into hiking all the way up there, and anyone that forces me to do unnecessary exercise deserves recompense.”

“Stop talking like a super villan, it’s weird.” Kyle says as they round the corner and start in the direction of the food court.

The mall is filled with bits and pieces of scattered conversation, polished floors that squeak beneath soggy sneakers, and blinding fluorescents that Kyle squints against.

As soon as they near the food court Cartman beelines for the pretzel place which Kyle realizes with horror is named "Pretz-Hell Yeah!". Cartman takes his spot in line and begins bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet as he eyes the menu.

“What sounds better,” He asks with a concentrated furrow in his brow, “a cinnamon-sugar pretzel, or a pizza pretzel, or both? Both right?”

Kyle shrugs and says, “I dunno, I’m probably just gonna get a slushy.”

The person in front of them finishes their order and they step up to the counter as Cartman scowls and says, “What? C’mon, seriously? After we spent so long yesterday daydreaming about hot delicious food?”

Kyle frowns at the realization that all of that had in fact happened only yesterday and not a lifetime ago. Standing in line with Cartman at a soft pretzel place suddenly seems a thousand times weirder that it already did.

Kyle blinks a few times before shaking his head and saying, “Whatever, fine, I’ll get a cinnamon one.”

Cartman grins victoriously and tells the cashier their order. Kyle fishes his wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans and begins rifling through the bills but Cartman waves his hands away and says, “I got it.” in a dismissive tone.

Kyle frowns and pauses with his wallet still midair. “What? Why?” He asks.

Cartman huffs and rolls his eyes as he snaps, “Was tryin’ to be friendly, didn’t know you’d make a big deal out of it. Do whatever you like.”

Kyle squints and frowns before saying, “Suit yourself.” He folds his wallet in half and slips it back into the pocket of his jeans.

Cartman pays for their food and Kyle watches the exchange silently with furrowed brows.

The cashier tells them their order will be ready in a few minutes so they make they’re way over to a small table near the back left section of the food court. They sit facing each other and the formica tabletop is sticky beneath Kyle’s fingers so he tucks them inside the sleeve of his large hoodie and swallows.

“So what’d the guys say on the phone?” Cartman asks.

Kyle shrugs and says, “I told them what happened and I guess Kenny fell over a waterfall too at some point.”

“What? When?” Cartman asked in a suspicious tone, as if Kenny had jumped off a waterfall solely to steal his thunder.

“How should I know? We only talked for like two minutes, dude.”

Cartman huffs and says, “Well, at least I got to scratch something off my bucket list I guess.”

“Falling over a waterfall is on your bucket list??” Kyle asks incredulously.

Cartman just shrugs and says, “It’s a pretty long list.”

Kyle just shakes his head and opens his mouth to reply when he notices Cartman scratching lightly at the scabs on his neck. Kyle’s eyes track the movement and he studies the marks. There are two larger holes where his canines punctured the skin surrounded by smaller indentations from his molars. Kyle swallows around a lump in his throat before he hears himself asking, “What’d you tell the doctor happened there?”

Cartman’s fingers still and he flushes slightly when he realizes what Kyle is asking and barks out, “I told them you bit me like the goddamn psycho you are!”

Kyle snorts and continues to watch the skin on Cartman’s neck surrounding the scabs grow pinker.

Cartman lightly presses his finger against the bottom marks and glances to the side before saying “I said it happened when you knocked us over the waterfall…”

Kyle hums and watches the skin on Cartman’s neck shift against his fingertips as he swallows. He tears his eyes away and almost jumps when the cashier calls out that their order is ready from across the food court.

Cartman hops up too quickly and nearly trips over one of the fake potted plants that are placed throughout the mall as decoration.

“I’m just gonna, uh, yeah.” Cartman gestures vaguely toward the food and quickly heads that direction.

Kyle swallows and brings his hand up to nervously fiddle with the cloth on his cast.

 _‘Oh god, things are definitely weird now. So, so weird, and it’s definitely my fault. What is wrong with me? It’s just because it hasn’t even been a day since everything went down, naturally there’s going to be a bit of an adjustment period, right? Things will go back to normal in a few days.’_ Kyle pulls a napkin from the dispenser sitting in the middle of the table and begins shredding it into tiny pieces and organizing them into a neat line. _‘Or however long it takes for those marks to fade.’_ Kyle thinks bitterly as he touches the skin on his cheek to feel the heat that’s blossoming there.

Kyle tells himself to get a grip, that they’re just hanging out like usual, that he doesn’t have anything to be worrying about. Except they _don’t_ usually hang out like this, and Cartman most certainly doesn’t usually buy him food and hold doors open and act this goddamn _pleasant_ and _considerate_. Kyle can’t shake the feeling that when he fell over the waterfall he went through some sort of portal to an alternate reality where Cartman’s actually nice to him. If anything Kyle had expected Cartman to go right back to hounding him over the $15, or maybe just ignore him for as long as possible, but not… this. He doesn’t know what to make of it, it’s caught him off guard and he feels somehow… off. But not necessarily in a bad way? It reminds him of the way he felt sprawled out on the grass waiting to be rescued; exhausted, confused, and content. He feels… different. Maybe Cartman actually feels bad over getting Kyle’s wrist broken, maybe this was the weird traumatic event that finally forced them to bond and actually become somewhat civil to each other? Kyle guesses that almost dying and jerking off with your friend in a cave isn’t the most conventional way to do that, but their friendship has never really been conventional.

Kyle is startled out of his thoughts as Cartman smacks their tray of food down excitedly and plops down in his seat. Kyle snags his Coke slushy and takes a sip before setting it down and beginning to work on tearing off a piece of his pretzel one-handed. Kyle’s only halfway done when Cartman’s starting in on his second pretzel and Kyle grimaces and says, “How can you even taste it when you eat it like that?”

“I can taste it just fine, worry about yourself, you eat like a bird.”

Kyle scowls and says, “At least I don’t talk with my mouth full.”

Cartman just snorts and takes another large bite off his pizza pretzel. He has a glob of marinara sauce above his upper lip and before Kyle can think better of it he takes the napkin he’d been fiddling with and lifts it to wipe Cartman’s face.

Cartman freezes the second the napkin comes into contact with the skin of his cheek and he seems to grow embarrassed and shifts nervously around in his seat. Kyle expects him to swat his hand away or reply with a snarky comment about Kyle turning into an old mom like he often does, but instead Cartman just mutters, “Uh, thanks.” As Kyle drops his hand with the napkin back down to the table.

Kyle shrugs and doesn’t make eye contact as he says, “Least it’s not blood this time.”

Cartman looks like he’s going to say something else but then freezes and his eyes widen at something behind Kyle’s right shoulder.

“YOU.” Kyle jumps at the amount of hostility and accusation Cartman has managed to pack into one word and whips around just in time to see a terrified looking Clyde yelp and attempt to hide behind a stranger. He appears to be dressed in an Orange Julius apron and hat and holding a tray of samples in colorful little paper cups.

“Oh god.” Kyle says rolling his eyes. He’d been hoping to at least avoid this confrontation until tomorrow but his luck hasn’t been especially great as of late.

Cartman hops out of his seat and Kyle quickly stands up as well to put himself in between the two of them. Cartman takes a few aggressive steps forward and Kyle pushes his hand against his chest to stop him before he can storm past.

“Dude, chill.” Kyle says, “You’re going in way too hot.”

“Recompense!” Cartman growls.

Kyle huffs out a sigh and pushes back roughly on the other’s chest as Cartman tries to shove past again.

“ _CHILL_.” Kyle orders him emphatically.

“I just wanna talk to him!” Cartman says as he smacks Kyle’s hand away belligerently and shoulders his way by. “’N maybe punch him in the face a little.” He mumbles once he’s passed.

Kyle groans and speed walks to keep up with Cartman’s fast pace, preparing to diffuse the situation if necessary.

Cartman stomps his way across the food court in a typically dramatic fashion and yanks Clyde out by his t-shirt from where he’s still attempting to hide behind an incredibly concerned looking customer. Clyde nearly drops the tray of samples and fumbles for a minute before regaining his grip.

“Start talking.” Cartman orders in a threatening voice that Kyle rolls his eyes at.

“H-hey guys! It’s really good to see you! L-look, I only just heard the news about what happened to you guys this morning and… I knew I should call you but I didn’t know what to say and…” In typical Clyde fashion as he speaks his words become blubbery and tears begin pricking at the corners of his eyes. “I-I’m just so glad you’re both alright, a-and I’m really sorry! It’s all my fault and… an…”

Clyde seems to have grown slightly hysterical and Cartman releases his grip on his t-shirt with a groan and yells, “God, he always ruins everything! You don’t even get to be mad at him, he takes all the sport out of it!”

Kyle sighs and says, “It’s not your fault Clyde. Cartman’s the one who handcuffed us together, he’s just projecting.”

Cartman makes and offended squawking noise and says, “I’ll project you right in the face!”

“Good one.” Kyle says.

“Oh yeah, I heard about the handcuffs but I kind of figured it might’ve been a rumor?” Clyde says with raised eyebrows as he glances between them questioningly.

“Unfortunately, no.” Kyle says side-eyeing Cartman.

Cartman waves his hand dismissively and says, “He wouldn’t pay me so I had to get creative.”

“And how’d that work out for you?” Kyle snaps.

“It would’ve worked if you weren’t an actual crazy person!” Cartman accuses.

Kyle rolls his eyes and turns to Clyde as he asks, “So how long have you been working here?”

Clyde glances between them and blinks a few times before answering, seemingly surprised by the sudden topic change.

“Er, only a couple weeks now. I’m trying to save up some money to do something fun over summer before college ya know? Oh, speaking of which, I’m having an end of the year party this weekend. You guys should totally come! My parents are out of town and Token and Craig are pitching in for a keg. Tell Stan and Kenny to come too.”

Kyle nods and says, “Alright cool, sounds fun. Text us the details.”

Cartman remains silent throughout this exchange with a slightly bored expression on his face while he snags sample after sample from Clyde's tray and downs them at record speed. Kyle glances at the clock behind Clyde and says, “Speaking of which, I gotta go get a new phone before the mall closes. Catch ya later man.” Kyle turns and gives a short wave.

“See ya! A-and Kyle? I’m really sorry about your wrist. I really never meant for you to get mixed up in any of this.” Clyde sounds genuinely guilty and Kyle waves him off and says, “Don’t sweat it man, you can sign the cast at your party.”

Clyde smiles and waves goodbye as they make their way back over to the table they’d been sitting at to collect their garbage and tray and bring it over to the trash cans. Cartman pops the last large bite of his pretzel in his mouth before setting the tray in the designated spot and swiping Kyle’s slushy out of his hands. He takes a long indulgent sip and Kyle scowls and makes a grab for it but Cartman holds it out of his reach and starts walking in the direction of the Verizon store.

“I’m still totally gonna get him back.” Cartman says, nodding his head towards where Clyde is offering a paper cup to a very frail looking old woman.

Kyle scoffs and finally manages to snag the drink back from Cartman as he says, “Like you haven’t done way worse to him.”

“I never said I didn’t.”

Kyle takes a sip and simultaneously elbows away Cartman’s grabby hands. He’s pretty sure Cartman doesn’t actually want the drink at this point he’s just doing it to be unnecessarily antagonistic.

They make they’re way to the top floor of the mall with Cartman switching between making grabs at Kyle’s slushy and remarking on the crappiness of every other product or store they pass.

Kyle swats his hand away for the fourth time and says, “God, you’re the most annoying person on Earth.”

Cartman pouts and points to the window display of an overpriced store and says, “At least I’m not trying to charge someone 200 bucks to look like they're going to a clown funeral.”

Kyle looks at the gaudy article of clothing he’s motioning towards and snorts.

“Ok yeah, that’s actually accurate.” He says with a grin.

When they reach the Verizon store they man behind the counter tells them they can’t bring food or drink inside so Kyle sighs and hands his cup to Cartman to finish off. Cartman takes it and just shrugs before tossing it in the trashcan to their left. Kyle rolls his eyes and groans before heading inside.

They both end up upgrading their phones to the newest version and the entire process of transferring over their contact information and photos takes an agonizingly long time. Cartman complains and they get free screen protectors out of the deal but the entire experience is tiring. The only pleasant part was the aggressive flood of text messages from worried friends and family that poured through as soon as they got set up. Kyle got more messages overall, but Cartman surprisingly had more messages from Stan and Kenny because Kenny had sent him a whopping 13 texts. Stan had sent kyle 9, but it hadn't been enough to push him over the edge and Cartman's smug grin is enough to make Kyle groan.

By the time their leaving the store with their new phones and cases in hand an announcement comes over the speakers in a pleasant female voice that the mall will be closing in an hour.

“C’mon, I still gotta get a backpack.” Kyle says, stuffing his phone into his pocket and motioning his head in the direction of Ross.

Cartman just hums and continues tapping away at his phone, making sure everything is all there.

Once they get inside the large warehouse-like store Cartman almost immediately breaks off in a different direction and Kyle just shrugs and makes his way over to the backpacks.

He spends a good ten minutes trying to decide which bag to get because he doesn’t particularly love any of them and eventually chooses an army green one with lots of pockets that he’ll probably never use.

He goes off in search of Cartman and wanders through aisles for a good 12 minutes without finding him. Kyle’s about ready to just buy the bag himself when he finally spots Cartman coming back into the store through the entrance. Kyle blinks and wonders when he’d managed to slip out without him noticing. Cartman’s holding a plastic bag and Kyle eyes it suspiciously as he asks, “Where’d you go? What’s that?”

Cartman just shrugs, nods toward the backpack in Kyle’s hands and says, “That the one you want?”

“Yeah?”

Cartman snags the backpack out of Kyle’s hands and makes his way toward check out and Kyle follows behind with a confused frown.

Once Cartman pays the cashier she puts the backpack in a plastic bag, which Kyle finds a little unnecessary. Cartman hands the bag to Kyle and they make their way towards the exit.

“I told Ike I’d get him some pizza before we go.” Kyle says, turning back in the direction of the food court.

Cartman makes an irritated noise but follows behind without any more complaint.

The mall has mostly cleared out by now except for a few stragglers and the shop owners glare as they pass, daring them to come inside right before closing. There’s no line at the pizza place and as soon as they’re handing the food over Cartman is grabbing it. Kyle could’ve easily carried bot the pizza and bag himself but he doesn’t say anything. Soon enough they’re heading toward the exit with their purchases and a to-go box in hand.

Cartman holds the door open again and Kyle tells himself that he absolutely doesn’t notice. It’s grown significantly darker outside since they’d entered the mall and the sky is glowing a deep shade of orange. The temperature has also dropped considerably and Kyle briefly wishes he had brought a warmer coat just before he slips on a thick patch of black ice. Cartman grabs the back of his jacket and manages to haul him back up by the waist before Kyle faceplants on the frozen concrete and Kyle’s a little impressed he manages to keep them both standing without dropping his bag or the pizza.

Kyle expects Cartman to make a snide remark about Kyle’s incredible walking skills but he says nothing. Instead he stands in Kyle’s space for a few seconds, hand pressed against the cloth on the back of his hoodie. He quickly pulls his hand away and takes a step back and his eyes flicker around nervously, never stopping on Kyle’s face.

Kyle swallows and his voice comes out too quiet when he says, “Thanks.”

Cartman clears his throat and mumbles, “Don’t mention it.” before continuing at a slower pace in the direction of the parked car.

The drive back from the mall is a lot quieter than the drive there but somehow weirdly calm. That weird feeling is still weighing heavy in Kyle’s gut, but rather than feeling suffocating it’s almost a comfort. At the very least, he seems to be growing used to it. This might not be something they usually do, but Kyle thinks he might not mind doing it again. He feels good; better than he ever dreamed he could’ve felt only a day ago.

Despite the short drive Cartman clicks a button on the stereo and music fills the car. Kyle smiles as he recognizes Cartman’s favorite song and he glances at him out of the corner of his eye but Cartman seems to be lost in thought. That, or he’s just really focused on his driving, which Kyle sincerely doubts.

The song is only halfway over by the time they pull into Kyle’s driveway but Cartman turns the ignition off anyway and follows Kyle out of the car. He walks with Kyle up to his front door and when Kyle turns to face he's suddenly struck once again by how _weird_ all of this is.

“So, uh… tell your mom thanks for the backpack.” Kyle says awkwardly, sliding the plastic bag higher up on his wrist so that he can take the pizza from where Cartman is offering it out.

Cartman coughs slightly and says in an overly casual tone, “No problem. Try not to get into any situations where have you have to saw this one off.”

Kyle’s about to respond when he notices that Cartman’s still holding the bag he’d shown up with at Ross. Cartman notices him noticing and is suddenly shoving the bag unceremoniously in Kyle’s direction.

Kyle blinks in surprise and looks down at the box of pizza and bag he’s already carrying in his hand.

“Oh, I, uh…” He says, gesturing helplessly.

Cartman huffs and says, “Oh, right.” Before plopping the bag on the ground.

He steps backward off of Kyle’s front stoop as he says, “They didn’t have any light up ones in your size.”

Kyle’s brain seems to have stopped working because the only thing he manages to make come out of his mouth is, “I... what?”

Cartman continues walking backwards across Kyle’s driveway toward his car and shoots him a nervous looking half-smile as he says with a shrug, “Didn’t wanna be tying your shoes all month.”

He opens the driver’s side door without waiting for a response and begins climbing inside.

“Thank… you?” Kyle’s says in a confused voice.

Cartman pauses briefly before saying, “See you tomorrow.” He closes the door and Kyle’s still left standing on his porch long after Cartman’s pulled out and driven away and out of sight.

Kyle eventually manages to snap back to his senses and he sets the bag and the small box of pizza on the ground before stooping down to rifle through the bag Cartman had left him. He finds a shoebox inside and removes the lid curiously.

A pair of green and white Velcro shoes sit neatly inside and Kyle swallows past a sudden lump in his throat as he touches the straps. They seem to be the right size and Kyle honestly likes the style of them a lot.

He carefully puts the lid back on the box and fits it back inside the plastic bag. He puts the loops of the bag around his wrist, then the loops of the second bag resting by his feet. Finally he grabs Ike’s food, stands up, turns and opens his front door.

He’s unsurprised to find the sounds of Ike’s video game and the clicking of the plastic game controller still filling the house, only now it’s also accompanied by the sounds of his mom clattering around in the kitchen.

“Did you get my pizza?” Ike asks, not even bothering to take his eyes off the television screen for a second.

Kyle rolls his eyes and steps into the living room and throws the box so that it bounces and lands beside Ike on the couch.

“Yeah, you better be grateful.” Kyle says.

Ike glances up just as Kyle’s turning to leave and his eyes immediately fall on the bag Cartman had given him.

“What’s that?” Ike asks.

“Shoes.” Kyle says simply, before he turns and quickly heads upstairs toward the sanctuary of his bedroom.

Kyle takes the stairs two at a time and the feeling in his stomach is ever-present, heavy, indefinable, and _different_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter from: "Hem Of Your Garment" by: Cake
> 
> Fun fact: That case Cartman talks about with the light up shoes was a real case my grandpa told me he worked on when he was a cop.  
> Oh my god guys, I'm so sorry! It's literally been almost 10 months since I last updated this ;A; I swear I didn't abandon this story I just get so overwhelmed with school and work and life drama that I never take the time to write anymore. I still think about this all the time and have a whole story planned out in my head and I swear I'm eventually going to post it all! If you've stuck with me and are still following this story you're super amazing and I swear I'm going to be updating a lot faster again!  
> -Maddy


	6. Sense and Sensibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone drew art for this fic and it's so freaking cute you guys! Check it out here: http://ilaac-art.tumblr.com/post/172628564034/i-just-found-my-favorite-south-park-fanfic-on-ao3  
> I've never had someone draw art for my fanfics before and it makes me so happy <3 <3 thank you so so much, you're wonderful! You inspired me to create some art of my own and hopefully I'll post it along with the next chapter!

           As soon as Kyle gets the door to his bedroom closed he drops the bags in his hands onto the floor and the crinkling of the plastic seems unnaturally loud in the dim quiet space. He doesn't bother to switch the light on before he crosses his bedroom and flops down onto his bed with his face in his pillow. He takes a deep breath and it smells like the laundry softener his mom buys mixed with the shampoo he uses. It's familiar and safe and he suddenly feels intensely exhausted. Kyle toes his shoes off his feet and scoots them off the bed as he rolls over onto his back to take a deep breath and stare up at the ceiling. The star stickers Stan and him had put up there have long since lost their glow and he traces the shapes of the constellations he'd made all those years back. Kyle replays the conversation he and Cartman had when they were laying in the clearing waiting to get rescued. He replays it again, and then once more. Kyle frowns and scrubs his head roughly against his blankets.

            ' _What the fuck exactly does Cartman think he's doing? Being goddamn pleasant and generous and helpful all the sudden? He's just trying to get in my head for some reason that I haven't figured out yet.'_

            As Kyle is thinking this he feels doubt weigh heavily in his gut along with a bubbling mess of other congealing emotion.

            ' _Since when has Cartman been so good at this? Being friendly and genuine? He definitely mellowed out significantly in high school, but it was never like this. Why now? What the hell changed?_ '

            Images of the cave flash through Kyle's mind like an involuntary slideshow and he frowns and rolls onto his side to stare at the wall. He readjusts his cast so that it's not digging into his side and anxiety rises to the top of the bubbling mess in his stomach.

            ' _Whatever he's doing it seems like he's working hard. He's got that intense hyper-focused vibe he gets whenever he's obsessing over something. I'm not unaccustomed to it being directed at me, but I'm definitely not used to the outcome being pleasant._ '

            Kyle remembers Cartman catching him in the mall parking lot when he'd slipped on ice and he feels his face grow warm. He scrubs his good hand across his eyes and rubs vigorously.

            ' _In what world does Eric Cartman not let me fall on my ass at every given opportunity?? On multiple occasions he's literally sprayed down the sidewalk in front of my house and hidden in the bushes to film me falling. What the hell did I do to him? It's like I broke him or jumped into some alternate timeline or something._ '

            Kyle groans and tells himself to stop thinking about Cartman as he begins the arduous task of unbuttoning and removing his jeans one-handed. Once he's down to his boxers he digs his phone out of the pocket of his pants and tosses them onto the floor before wriggling under the blankets. He clicks the home button on his phone to check the time and sighs when it only reads 8:16. It feels much later than that to Kyle, it feels as though he hasn't slept in days. Ike's words from that morning flash through Kyle’s mind and he groans.

            ' _Why do I always let him get in my head? This is probably exactly what he wants.'_

            Kyle breathes shakily; he squeezes his eyes shut and determinably tries to think about things that aren't confusing and Cartman themed but ultimately fails. Their friendship has always been confusing, to say the least. Or their rivalry or... whatever it is, but it’s never been anything like this. Kyle wishes he could talk to Stan and Kenny about it, they're two of the only people that Kyle feels are qualified to give advice on Eric Cartman. But also the thought of talking to either Stan or Kenny about this makes Kyle want to collapse in on himself like a dying star from sheer embarrassment. Kenny is a slightly more likely possibility, but still completely out of the question. Kyle's not even sure what exactly he'd say given the chance.

            ' _Me and Cartman accidentally jerked each other off in a cave and now he's being really nice to me, what do you think that's about and should I be worried?_ ' Or maybe, ' _Did I permanently fuck everything up by being an impulsive asshole like usual? And is it really fucked up if I kind of like it this way? That getting positive attention from him is weirdly thrilling in the same way that our arguments are?_ '

            No, Kyle definitely can't talk to Stan or Kenny.

            Kyle grumbles to himself and decides to mess around on his new phone to take his mind off of his ridiculous life. He re-downloads his favorite games and laments the loss of his high scores. He messes around for a while until he grows bored and then moves on to downloading his social media again. Once Facebook has finished loading he clicks it out of vague curiosity to see if anyone had messaged him or posted to his wall while he and Cartman had been playing Rambo. There’s a nice message from Clyde, basically reiterating what he’d said at the food court but with way more emoticons, which makes Kyle smile. There are also multiple posts made by other people from school that Kyle doesn’t even speak to from the days he was missing. They ramble on about how scared for him they are and that they’re keeping him in their thoughts. Kyle rolls his eyes and thinks about what snarky replies Cartman might leave on them. Something along the lines of, _‘A lot of good you’re thoughts did me asshole, maybe I wouldn’t have been out there for so long if you’d actually gotten off your ass and helped search for me’_. Kyle can practically hear him saying it. He suddenly wonders if Cartman had gotten any posts on his wall as well and decides to check out of curiosity.

            Cartman’s profile picture is of him making an exaggerated cheesy grin and finger guns into the camera. He remembers Kenny snapping the shot when they’d all gone camping last summer, and he smirks slightly as he clicks it. Only two people have left posts on Cartman’s Facebook since they’d gone missing, Kenny and his mom. Liane’s is a bit more long-winded and dramatic but they’re both asking for volunteers to help in the search party. Kyle feels a little bit bad that he’d gotten more attention than Cartman, but he figures that Cartman does tend to alienate most people. People are generally too afraid of him to be mean but that doesn’t leave many people that are particularly nice to him either.

            Cartman doesn’t use Facebook much. He’d grown out of it sometime around sophomore year and gradually posted less and less until his online presence was nearly nonexistent. Kyle scrolls through his feed for a while but it’s mostly stupid memes that Kenny had posted or random photos Cartman is in the background of that he’d been tagged in by Butters. Kyle tries not to think too hard about it as he clicks on Cartman’s photos and finds himself scrolling through.

            He searches for stuff that Cartman had actually posted himself and it takes him a bit of scrolling to get to it. There’s a few memes, at least six or seven pictures of his cat. There’s one of him in a sweater with his hair combed to the side that he’d been tagged in where he looks incredibly irritated, which Kyle snorts at. He can perfectly picture Liane dressing him up for whatever formal even this was for and forcing him to pose for a picture before they headed out the door, cooing at him and pleading with him to give her a little smile. The picture beside it is very similar except Liane is standing beside him with her arm around him in a tight embrace. She’s grinning in all her photogenic glory and perfect makeup into the camera and Cartman kind of looks like he wants to kill himself.

            He scrolls down further and finds his profile picture along with a whole series from their camping trip. There’s one of Kenny collapsed defeated on top of a sad puddle of fabric and poles that were supposed to be a tent, which Kyle grins at. The next is a picture of Cartman shoving Stan into the lake, Stan’s face captured in a blurry flash of pure horror. After that is a picture of Stan and Kenny roasting marshmallows over the fire, beers in hand. There’s a knee just barely in the shot that Kyle is pretty sure belongs to him. It looks like Kenny is in the middle of a story and they’re both laughing, their faces illuminated by firelight, warm and pleasant. Kyle wishes that he could remember everything that they’d talked about during that trip. It had been a sort of a last hurrah at the end of vacation before they had to begin their senior year. They’d gone just the four of them in Kenny’s pickup and stayed at a cheap campsite in the middle of nowhere for a few days. They hadn’t brought enough food or clothes and Cartman had pushed Kyle into the lake fully dressed on two separate occasions, but the memory leaves a warm feeling in Kyle’s chest. He hopes that they’ll still have time to do these types of things while they’re in college.

            Kyle scrolls down further and his breath catches in his throat. The next picture is of him, it must’ve been taken at the same time that the last photo was. He’s illuminated by the same soft orange glow as Stan and Kenny and he’s looking off to the left, his attention focused intensely on whatever his friends were saying. Kyle isn’t wearing a hat, most likely due to the fact that it was still wet from being pushed into the lake. Kyle’s hair is frizzy and out of control, sticking up and curling in every direction from camping for days. The way the light is catching his hair makes the edges almost appear like fire and he has a just the barest hint of a smile on his lips, but it’s more in his eyes. Kyle thinks he looks sort of wild here, attractive but in a way that he’s not used to seeing. Other people seem pretty much incapable of taking a decent picture of Kyle, but now that he thinks of it Cartman actually has on multiple occasions. He’s always had sort of a knack for photography when he’s not just using his talents to humiliate people, and the picture almost feels sort of weirdly flattering in a way.

            The picture directly after it is another of Kyle in the same place, except now he’s turned and looking directly into the camera with a severely unimpressed expression on his face. His lips are pursed, his eyebrows are narrowed, and it appears as though he’s seconds away from telling Cartman off. Kyle tries to remember what Cartman had said to warrant such a reaction but he comes up blank.

            Kyle takes a deep breath and locks his phone, stares at the blank screen for a while before letting it fall onto his chest. He stares up at the faintly glowing star stickers on his ceiling as if they hold all the answers in the universe. He thinks about the way the marshmallows had stuck to his fingers and lips, about the way his friends had sounded laughing loudly and joking around the fire. He thinks about the fact that Kenny had virtually destroyed one of the tents that they brought so they’d all had to squeeze into the remaining one together. It had been too cramped and Stan and Kenny snore, but Kyle had slept soundly, all bundled up between Cartman and Stan, exhausted from swimming all day. He remembers Cartman poking his cheeks and pinching his nose and whining at him in the morning to get up while he pretended to still be asleep out of spite. He remembers Cartman bringing them all instant coffee while they were still lazing around in their sleeping bags with hangovers and how he’d put extra sugar in Kyle’s the way that he likes it.

            Kyle's vision begins blurring together from exhaustion and he tries to blink the sleep away. As he melts down into the mattress all of his memories and emotions and anxieties all swirl together into a big shapeless blob that envelopes his consciousness. He thinks to himself that he should go downstairs and grab some leftovers from whatever his mom had made for dinner and tell her goodnight, but a few minutes later he's fallen into a distant restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

_Kyle is sitting in a room that he doesn't remember walking to. It seems vaguely familiar but he can't quite place it. There are three large glass windows, each one has a different green leafy plant placed in front of it that wave in a nonexistent breeze. Natural light shines through bright and soothing, but for some reason Kyle can't see what's on the other side of the glass. It reminds Kyle of a waiting room, maybe for an upscale dentist or doctor's office, but one he doesn’t think that he’s been to before. The wallpaper makes him think of his grandma's house, the colors muted and calming to the eye. The room is large but completely empty except for the big table he is sat in front of in a large comfortable ornate chair. There are two tall stacks of photographs sitting about a foot apart on the shiny marble tabletop. Kyle frowns and picks up the first one from the right stack. It's a close up of grass, the dew is sparkly and crystal clear and in the background there's something red nestled between the blades, but it's blurry and out of focus. Kyle frowns at the picture and squints. It's well shot but Kyle isn't sure why anyone would take it in the first place. He lifts it hoping that the picture beneath will give more context to what the red thing is but it's a completely different picture. This one is another close up shot but it appears to be some kind of dirt or sand, the small granules almost glittering. Kyle lifts this one off the pile as well and frowns at it in confusion._

_"How do you like them?"_

_Kyle jumps so hard he nearly falls out of his chair, his heart hammering in his chest. Cartman is suddenly sat in front of Kyle across the table from him. He's in a large intricately carved wooden chair identical to the one Kyle is sat in. He's wearing the same clothing he had been when he'd taken Kyle to the mall, except now he no longer has his black eye and the lighting here is much prettier than the awful fluorescents from before. His expression is calm and almost earnest which is not common for Cartman._

_"What?" Kyle asks, confused._

_Cartman smiles a half smile and replies, "The pictures. I took them, you know."_

_Kyle blinks at him before looking back down at the photographs in his hands. He looks back up before asking, "...Why?"_

_Cartman reaches out and takes some pictures from the stack and begins looking through them himself with a sort of nastolgic expression on his face. He seems to decide on one and places it down on the table. It's a photo of what appears to be a children's playground. A close up of the curling plastic slide, the kind that gets static and too hot in the sunshine._

_"Why not?" Cartman says as he places another photo next to it. This one is a pair of sneakers, ratty and worn with a hole in the toe. They're familiar but in a way that Kyle can't quite place, just like all the other pictures have been. Like they’re memories right on the tip of his tongue that he just can't quite get a grip on._

_"What do they mean?" Kyle asks, picking up another photo from the stack and examining it._

_Cartman shrugs and says, “They mean something different to everyone who looks at them, that’s why I like photography.” He continues to rifle through the pictures in his hands before selecting another photograph and laying it carefully next to the others on the table so that their sides are touching._

_“What’re you doing?” Kyle asks, watching how Cartman puts down the stack of photos in his hand to grab some more out of the pile as if he’s searching for a specific one._

_Cartman gives him an exasperated look and places another picture down with the others before replying, “I’m sorting them, obviously.”_

_Kyle frowns and looks down at the pictures. There’s the slide, the shoe, a chain-link fence, and now what Kyle thinks is a close up of a house key. It doesn’t seem as though any of them have anything to do with each other. Kyle is about to open his mouth to point this out but the longer he stares at them the more he realizes that they do actually belong together. The way the objects disappear out of frame and seem to sort of continue into the next image is almost mesmerizing. It’s like they’re telling a story, or coming together to make a complete image even though clearly none of these pictures were taken at the same time. Kyle isn’t sure how to put it into words, but he somehow knows that the way Cartman is arranging these photos is the way that they are meant to be._

_Kyle finds himself asking, “Can I help?”_

_Cartman smirks and says, “Of course, that’s why you’re here isn’t it?” He goes back to carefully placing more pictures onto the cool marble tabletop; an old rundown tree house, a ladder and a bucket, a broken coffee mug. He overlaps them in specific patterns so that they seem to flow into one another, humming and alive._

_Kyle frowns but he grabs the remaining pictures from the right pile and begins to rifle through them. He eventually settles on a close-up shot of a zipper that feels particularly familiar and lowers it to see if it fits with any of the pictures Cartman has already laid out. He moves it all around the table but nothing seems quite right. After a few minutes he gives up and puts the picture back into his hand and grabs another. He’s struck with the thought that it almost feels as if their playing some confusing game of cards the way they’re sat opposite each other, holding the photos fanned out in their hands. He tries again with another picture, twisting and rotating the image in different directions in an attempt to make it go with the others. He eventually gives up on this one too and tries with yet another. This goes on for several minutes with no progress, and when Kyle looks up Cartman has placed down nearly all of his photographs. Kyle groans and slams his pile down so that they scatter across the table._

_“I can’t do this! It doesn’t make any sense. It’s like a puzzle but there aren’t any rules. How am I supposed to do this?” Kyle says in exasperation, breathing shakily._

_Cartman gives him a knowing smile and says, “Not everything has to have rules, Kyle. You’re just overthinking it. That’s always been your problem.” He gestures down toward the table and when Kyle glances down he has to swallow past a sudden lump in his throat. The pictures have all landed perfectly, arranged themselves into one big picture. They’re all leading and growing and blending together to form some sort of map._

_Kyle follows the twisting pathways with his fingertip and hears himself ask, “Where does this lead to?”_

_When Cartman doesn’t respond Kyle looks up to find him smiling somewhat sheepishly._

_“I dunno,” He says, “I was kind of hoping you could tell me.”_

 

* * *

 

            Kyle sits straight up in bed, breathing hard. He looks around wildly for whatever had woken him and he eventually pinpoints the obnoxious beeping in his ears to his alarm clock. He goes to switch it off but groans when he attempts to use his bad hand and strains it slightly. He uses his left to slap his alarm into silence before he flops back into bed. He scrubs the sleep out of his eyes and thinks about the dream he’d just had. It’s already quickly fading from his memory but it left a tight feeling in his chest and a weird taste in his mouth. He blinks up at the ceiling and tries to collect his thoughts but they seem to be scattered to the wind. He wonders what exactly his mind is trying to tell him, and why the hell it had to be so metaphorical and confusing, but after a few minutes he just grunts in frustration and throws the covers off his body and forces himself to climb out of bed. He tells himself that a shower will help him wash off the weird feeling that’s now stuck to his skin like a thin film.

            In the shower, however, he finds that his thoughts keep wandering back to his dream. He can’t even figure out how exactly he feels about it, let alone what it actually meant; if it did in fact mean anything at all. He feels like his thoughts are a lot like those photographs, little snapshots that he can’t quite figure out how to stick together to form a complete image. He ends up spacing out and spending far too long in the shower and by the time he gets out he only has around fifteen minutes to get out the door. He races around his room, tugging on his preferred articles of clothing as quickly as he can one-handed. He attempts to towel-dry his hair but ends up throwing a beanie over it while it’s still pretty wet. He shrugs on his favorite oversized hoodie on top of a grey long-sleeved shirt and goes to grab his phone from his bed. He has to feel around under the covers for a bit to locate it and when he does he groans when he realizes that he’d forgotten to charge it and it’s now only at 53%. This distracts him and on his way toward the door he stubs his toe and curses. He looks down to find the shoes Cartman had bought him still inside the box and plastic bag right in front of the door where he’d left them. He blinks at them for a moment or two before he snaps out of it and moves to put them on.

            They’re a little bit too big so Kyle slips them off and puts on a thicker pair of socks. They fit fine this way but the amount of time it took to do with his non-dominant hand makes it so that Kyle only has a few minutes to get out the door in time catch the bus. He grabs his new backpack off the floor and suddenly realizes that he’d left his wet textbooks in his mother’s car, which she has now taken to work. Kyle kicks himself for his lack of foresight but figures that there’s nothing he can do about it now, so he just shoves his binder into it and slings the bag over his shoulder. He grabs his wallet off of his nightstand and shoves it into his bag as well before he leaves and takes the stairs two at a time.

            Once he throws the front door open he’s hit by a burst of cold air and pauses momentarily before he decides to grab his thickest striped scarf off the coat rack and wrap it around his neck. He locks the door behind himself and pulls his phone out to check the time. He’s a couple minutes behind but he should make it if he walks quickly. On his way to the bus stop Kyle begins to get excited at the thought of seeing Stan and Kenny for the first time since he’d broken his wrist. It feels like it’s been a week without them and Kyle thinks just being in their presence will immediately alleviate some of the tension he’d been carrying in his shoulders recently. He just wants things to feel normal again and he finds that he’s way too excited to go and stand in the cold morning air with his friends and bitch about the same old stuff that they always do.

            He starts off speed walking but is practically broken out into a jog after a few minutes. He can’t remember a time he’s ever been this excited to go and wait at the bus stop. He’s struck once again by the fact that in a matter of weeks they’re no longer going to be doing this anymore after they graduate. It puts a weird sense of urgency in his gut and he picks up his pace even more. By the time he’s rounding the corner and the bus stop comes into view Kyle is a bit out of breath. Stan, Kenny, and Cartman are all already standing in their usual spots and Kyle runs towards them with a grin on his face. Kenny notices him first and laughs as he holds up his hands and says, “Whoa dude, where’s the fire?”

            Kyle comes skidding to a stop in front of him and before he can even say anything Stan is tugging him into a tight embrace.

            “Dude, it’s so good to see you!” He says emphatically, nearly squeezing the remaining breath out of Kyle’s lungs. Kyle can see Cartman smirk and roll his eyes over Stan’s shoulder but Kyle just closes his eyes, smiles, and squeezes Stan back with his good arm.

            “Jesus, it’s only been like two days Marsh. Are you really this needy?” Cartman says mockingly.

            “Well excuse me, we thought you’d gotten him killed!” Stan exclaims, releasing Kyle from the bear hug and holding him at arms-length as if inspecting to make sure he is, in fact, alive.

            “Uh, for the record, I didn’t think you were dead, I just figured you guys had eloped or something.” Kenny interjects with a smirk.

            “W-what?? Why the fuck would we elope?” Kyle’s words come out more high pitched than he’d meant them to and he hates the fact that just a few days ago he would’ve just rolled his eyes and come up with a biting monotone response without a second thought.

            Stan waves his hand dismissively and says, “There’s no way Kyle would elope without bringing me along, we’re best friends for life.”

            “Wow, you hear that Kyle? I think Stan just invited himself along on your honeymoon.” Cartman interjects sarcastically. “You guys have such a healthy thing going on. Eloping might be your only option if you ever wanna cut that chord.”

            “I’m not eloping!” Kyle’s voice has somehow managed to get even higher and he feels his face flush slightly as he clears his throat and continues, “Anyway, dude, I’m fine, I swear. Just a little banged up, but we’ve all been through worse.” Kyle gestures to his arm as he says this with a shrug. Stan frowns and his eyes continue to scan him up and down as if not completely convinced Cartman hadn’t sawed off his leg or something and Kyle had just failed to notice.

            “Sweet cast,” Kenny says with a grin, “can I sign it?”

            Kyle frowns and says, “Fine, but just your name. I have to have this thing on for like six weeks and I don’t wanna be staring at a dick with tits the whole time.”

            Kenny sighs and says dejectedly, “Ah, you know me too well Broflovski. Can I borrow a pen?”

            “I forgot to pack any this morning, sorry man, new backpack.” Kyle replies, frowning as he realizes it himself.

            “I got it.” Stan says, sliding his backpack off his shoulder and squatting down on the ground to unzip it and begin rifling around inside. After a moment he pulls out a Sharpie triumphantly and is about to hand it over when he pauses and gestures at Kyle’s feet as he says, “Hey, those are sweet shoes. Where’d you get ‘em?”

            Kyle freezes and it takes him a moment to formulate a response. “Er, yeah, they’re Velcro since I’m gonna be one-handed for awhile.”

            “Oh, cool.” Stan says with a smile, gingerly handing the marker over to Kenny.

            Kyle thinks he’s successfully managed to dodge the topic but Kenny had apparently picked up on something like he always manages to do and pushes on.

            “Yeah, where’d you get them, I might wanna go buy a pair.” He says it innocently enough but there’s a slightly mischievous quirk to his smile that tells Kyle that his friend knows that something is up. Kyle knows damn well that Kenny has been saving all of his money for months to buy his own car so he doesn’t have to share with his brother any more and he would never spend it on something he’d consider entirely unnecessary like brand new shoes.

            Kyle’s mind sputters as he tries to come up with a response that won’t seem completely weird but he only gets so far as saying, “Uh-“ Before Cartman is interrupting him.

            “He got ‘em at the mall.” He says, with an air of casualty.

            “You guys went to the mall?” Stan asks, sounding slightly betrayed that he hadn’t been invited.

            “Uh, yeah, yesterday. I needed a new backpack and Cartman’s mom wanted to pay for it. I also had to get a new phone, but I had to buy that myself.” Kyle explains, shuffling his feet somewhat awkwardly and adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.

            Kenny just squints his eyes slightly and hums in acknowledgment before he reaches for Kyle’s arm and uncaps the Sharpie with his teeth. The marker makes a dry scratching noise as Kenny begins writing on the upper part of his cast. Once Kyle feels that the topic has successfully been dropped he sneaks a glance at Cartman behind Kenny, but he’s focused on something on his phone, tapping away.

            Kyle isn’t sure why the idea of telling his friends that Cartman had bought him the shoes feels so disconcerting. It’s not like it’s a particularly huge deal or anything. It’s out of character, sure, and would most likely warrant some mild teasing of Cartman, but it wouldn’t really matter if they knew. But for some reason Kyle really doesn’t want them to know. He thinks it’s because right now the shoes feel like they’re just for him, everything about them. It’s a lot like how he feels about the Twizzlers too, like they’re something private that Kyle needs to protect. Like they’re something that wasn’t meant for the group, just for the two of them. Kyle can’t remember a time when he’s ever wanted something to be just for him and Cartman, and although it’s weird, he guesses that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

            Kyle is too lost in his thoughts to watch whatever Kenny is currently scribbling on his cast. When he looks down he groans and yanks his arm away. Kenny had indeed stuck to writing his name in obnoxiously large bubble letters but he'd taken the liberty of turning the end of the Y on his name into an exaggerated penis. Kyle had managed to get his arm away before Kenny could add any tits but the damage was already done.

            "Dude, come on." Kyle says, rolling his eyes exasperatedly.

            Kenny looks on pleased at his handiwork and Cartman snickers beside him as he says, "Well, he did only write his name."

            "That's super mature, seriously, the peak of comedy." Kyle says sarcastically.

            Kenny laughs and says, "I know right?"

            "Here, lemme sign." Stan says, reaching out to snag the marker from Kenny's fingers.

            Kyle sighs and offers his arm out, resigned to whatever his friends decide to add on. Stan signs his name in his familiar neat handwriting and is just finishing up a crude little doodle of a guy barfing on himself as Kyle hears the telltale rumble of the school bus approaching. Stan is capping the pen and shoving it back into his bag when the bus' breaks let out a piecing squeal as it pulls to a stop in front of them. Once the doors swing open Stan climbs on first and then Kyle follows after. As Kyle makes his way to the back of the bus and plops down next to Stan he vaguely wonders if Cartman would want to sign his cast too. Before the bus has even started moving Stan is digging into his bag and pulling out a notebook and a math handout, which he begins scribbling away on. Stan's grades aren't great, but Kyle thinks they're impressive considering the fact that the majority of his homework is done on the bus. Kyle sighs at the realization that Stan isn't going to be much of a conversationalist on the ride to school so he pulls his phone out and begins playing Candy Crush. He feels a soft tap at the back of his shoe but he doesn't pay much attention to it. He can hear Cartman and Kenny animatedly discussing their mutual hatred for their Chemistry teacher but he's only half listening as he feels himself begin to zone out.

            He feels the same tap on his foot except it's stronger this time and his eyes narrow as he realizes that it's Cartman kicking him under the seat. He moves his foot up a few inches and writes it off as an accident, but after a few moments another kick has his foot actually lifting off the ground slightly. Kyle grits his teeth and tells himself not to let Cartman rile him up since that's exactly what he's trying to do. Cartman's still talking normally with Kenny as if he doesn't realize he's even doing it, so Kyle decides to pretend like he hasn't even noticed it as well. 

            Kick. Kick. Kick.

            Kyle growls in irritation and swings his foot back but he doesn't connect with anything and it only serves to piss him off further so he spins around in his seat and says through gritted teeth, "Cartman, if you don't stop kicking me with your foot I swear to god I'm gonna chop it off."

            Cartman’s eyes widen and he says in an overly innocent and patronizing tone, "Oh gee, sorry Kyle, I didn't even notice." His lips are quirked up at the corners just slightly and his eyes hold a challenge in them. Kenny's eyes flicker between them and he smirks slightly but seems otherwise unaffected by their antics.

            Kyle just rolls his eyes and huffs as he spins back around in his seat and goes back to tapping at his phone. Kyle is irritated but unsurprised at the next kick delivered to the back of his foot and he just takes a deep breath and locks his phone before setting it on the seat beside himself. Another kick sends his foot bouncing up and he waits a few seconds before quickly bending down and reaching under the seat with his good hand. He miraculously manages to grab Cartman's foot mid kick and Cartman makes a startled noise as Kyle yanks as hard as he can and manages to pull his sneaker off his foot. Kyle sits up and abruptly chucks the shoe as hard as he can. It sails through the air before landing near the front of the bus with a satisfying thump.

            "Wh- hey!" Cartman cries angrily.

            Kenny laughs uproariously and Kyle grins to himself as he lifts his feet up onto the seat to prevent further retaliation. Stan glances up and snickers lightly before going back to furiously filling out his worksheet.

Cartman stands up to go retrieve it but the bus driver whips around immediately and yells, "No walking while the bus is in motion!"

Cartman makes a high-pitched frustrated whining noise and yells back, "Oh sure, get on my case while this maniac is hurling projectile weapons!"

The bus driver doesn't even bother to respond and Cartman drops back down into his seat with a resigned grunt.

            There's only a few more minutes left of the bus ride and Kenny attempts to continue their conversation but Cartman doesn't seem to have much enthusiasm now that he's not simultaneously harassing Kyle and he just grumbles in return. Kyle can perfectly picture his frustrated pout and he grins to himself. He can't help but feel slightly relieved at their bickering, like maybe he was just worrying too much and things will go back to normal after all. A small tugging in his stomach reminds him that he doesn't actually mind the way that Cartman had been acting; it makes him a little uneasy sure, but that doesn't mean he wants it to stop. He swallows thickly and tries to think of other things. As soon as they pull to a stop in front of the school Kyle hops out of his seat and races down the isle before Cartman can get ahead of him.

            "Oy!" Cartman yells out, but Kyle ignores him as he snags his shoe off the grimy floor and hurries off the bus.

            Cartman had somehow gotten in front of Stan and the small handful of other kids sat in front of them because he comes bursting off the bus next and immediately stomps toward Kyle. He makes a grab for it but Kyle holds it up above his head tauntingly.

            "Gimme that!" Cartman demands.

            "Hmm..." Kyle says, pretending to ponder it deeply, "Maybe if you apologize for kicking me."

            "Fuck you, I'll apologize when I'm dead." Cartman says emphatically. He stands on his tiptoes and attempts to grab his sneaker again but Kyle stands up tall too and holds it just out of reach. Kyle will never get tired of lording the few inches he has over Cartman and he grins smugly as he waggles the shoe back and forth.

            "Hm, you might wanna rethink that, short stop." Kyle says mockingly.

            "I'm not short! You're just freakishly tall with your huge gangly bird legs!" Cartman yells as he tries to jump for his shoe. Kyle yanks it out of reach of his grabby hands and Cartman growls in frustration.

            "That didn't sound like an apology." Kyle says in a patronizing tone, "Maybe I'll have to hold on to this until you learn some manners."

            Kyle vaguely notices that the other students have finished exiting the bus and he realizes that Stan and Kenny must've headed to their lockers without them, assuming that they'll catch up whenever they decide to stop bickering. They learned a long time ago that there's nothing they can really do once they get started and they're better off not getting involved.

            Kyle's attention snaps back to Cartman as he grabs Kyle's shoulders and attempts to drag him down low enough that he can snag his shoe. Kyle just snorts and uses all his strength to stand up taller. Cartman responds by wrapping his arms around Kyle’s shoulders in some semblance of a hug and going limp in an attempt to drag them both to the ground.

            "Ow, dude, Jesus Christ!" Kyle cries, but he can't help the slightly hysterical laugh that bubbles out of his throat at how ridiculous it is. Kyle sways slightly and it's straining his back and arm but he manages to keep his balance even with Cartman hanging off of him like some giant insane monkey.

            "Dude give it a rest, its never gonna work, you should just apologize while I'm still giving you the option." Kyle says smugly, although slightly out of breath from keeping them both up and his arm raised high.

            Cartman plants his feet on the ground again but he doesn't go far. He uses his grip on Kyle's shoulders to try and launch himself higher as he jumps and makes another grab which Kyle easily moves his hand to avoid. As Cartman grapples and grabs at him and attempts to yank his arm down Kyle is suddenly struck by how close they are. Cartman's hair is messy like he'd just rolled out of bed and his cheeks are tinged red from exertion. He's close enough that Kyle can see the small mole on his jaw, the healing scabs on his neck. He can feel the soft puffs of Cartman's breath on his face as he hops around and it smells minty like he'd just brushed his teeth. Kyle feels his own cheeks growing warm and he firmly tells himself that's it's only from the exercise and the frigid morning air.

            Cartman stops his frantic hopping and gets that expression on his face that means he's just got an idea which makes Kyle frown.

            Cartman seems to stop and consider something before he drops his hands back down to Kyle's shoulders and stands normally. His expression changes to a forced calm one as he says in a placating tone, "You're right Kyle, I should apologize. I'm reeeally sorry for kicking you..." his voice is syrupy sweet and Kyle blinks rapidly as he tries to catch up with whatever tactic Cartman is trying now.

Cartman leans in closer so that he's only a few inches from Kyle's face and he presses his hand into Kyle's chest and tugs lightly at his hoodie. His eyes seem sort of heavy now, and when he talks it's in a tone of voice that Kyle definitely doesn't remember him ever using before. His lips quirk up in the corner and his words are soft as he says, "You don't have to take it so personally, Kyle. Maybe I just wanted to get your attention..."

            Kyle's mind grinds to an abrupt halt and he swallows thickly as his face feels like it's about to burst into flames. While Kyle is distracted trying to figure out exactly what the fuck is happening and how he's supposed to respond he must've lowered his hand slightly because Cartman suddenly hops up and manages to yank his shoe out of Kyle's grip.

"Ha! Not!" Cartman yells with all the obnoxious forced bravado he can muster. He spins on his heal and quickly hobbles off toward the school entrance triumphantly, shoe in hand, the tips of his ears and the back of his neck a deep cherry red.

Kyle's left standing alone, stock still as if his own shoes have become fused to the concrete. His mind desperately attempts to catch up with the series of events that had just transpired but he just finds himself opening and closing his mouth a couple of times. He feels like he might overload and explode right on the spot and he's only startled out of his trance when the bus squeaks and pulls away behind him. Cartman had disappeared inside the building along with Stan and Kenny and Kyle begins walking quickly after them. His cheeks are still impossibly hot by the time he reaches the front doors and the first bell sounds.

            He pushes the doors open roughly and as he begins making his way to class he wonders when exactly Cartman had decided to change the rules and whether it was his own fault.

 

* * *

 

            The school day passes by pretty uneventfully. Kyle spends most of it getting the assignments and notes he’d missed from teachers and various students, and attempting to avoid Cartman in the hallways, which he’s actually surprisingly successful at. By the time Kyle is sitting in pottery class he's officially sick of random students and teachers clapping him on the shoulder and saying they're glad he's all right. It might mean more if any of them had ever bothered to talk to Kyle before he'd gone missing.

            Pottery ends up being just as ridiculous as Cartman had predicted. Instead of working on his final project with the other students the teacher tells Kyle that he can just do his best to draw what the finished product was supposed to look like and write an essay about the process he would’ve gone through to create it and he’ll get full credit. The vase Kyle had started working on a few classes prior to this one was sloppy and crooked and he had little hope of it really working out even with two hands, so he actually counts himself pretty lucky. He spends the rest of class attempting to draw left handed and as the bell rings he glares down at the squiggly mess he’d managed to create. He can sort of tell it’s supposed to be a vase, but it’s definitely not anything to write home about.

            As he packs up his stuff and begins making his way out of the classroom and toward the cafeteria he sighs at the realization that his avoidance of Cartman is officially about to come to an end. Kyle briefly considers skipping lunch altogether but he’s already skipped breakfast and his stomach grumbles in protest. He also really doesn’t want to have to explain it to Stan when he’ll undoubtedly ask him about it with those big concerned puppy eyes. Kyle isn’t sure he can really even explain it to himself, why it feels so imperative he avoid Cartman at all cost.

            This morning had been weird, for sure, but Cartman had done far weirder things to get his way. It really shouldn’t bother Kyle this much. However, Kyle is coming to realize that it wasn’t Cartman’s actions that have put him so on edge, but rather the feeling that they had put in his own stomach. Kyle hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all day. He’d tried to focus on class and take barely legible notes down in his binder but his mind kept wandering back to that weird seductive quiet voice Cartman had used and his messy hair and the flush on his cheeks. Kyle decided that he was losing his goddamn mind and he honestly wishes that he could just go home and play video games or sleep or do anything to take his mind off of his rapidly decreasing sanity.

            Kyle makes his way across the school at a snail’s pace in some lame attempt to shorten the amount of time he’ll have to spend around Cartman and his confusing face. He only manages to kill a few minutes though, and when he arrives at the cafeteria his friends are just sitting down at their usual place near the back of the room next to the large windows that look out into the courtyard. Cartman is talking to Stan about something that Kyle can’t quite hear but as Kyle heads over to stand in the lunch line Stan calls out to him from across the cafeteria and waves him over. Kyle steals himself and chews his lip lightly as he heads over and tries to put a neutral expression on his face.

            Once he’s gotten close enough Stan gestures down to a full tray on the table next to him and says, “I grabbed your food for you. The line always gets super long if you show up late and I figured you didn’t want to be standing around through all of lunch.”

            Kyle forces a smile and replies,  “Thanks.” Before taking his seat beside Stan and eyeing the cafeteria food warily. It’s soft tacos today and Kyle is a little concerned about the meat but figures he doesn’t have any other options.

            Cartman picks up the conversation he’d been having with Stan before Kyle had arrived. “I’m just saying, there’s only a couple weeks of school left, everyone’s completely checked out. The only reason a teacher gives out a five-page essay this late in the game is because they get off on causing other people pain. I swear to god, she’s a fucking sadist and I have half a mind to report her to the administration for playing her twisted mind games with her helpless students.”

            Stan snorts and takes a bite of taco before replying with his mouth still slightly full, “Or maybe she just actually wants you to learn something and become a better writer.”

            Kyle begins peeling his orange and chances a glance up at Cartman but he doesn’t seem to be paying him much attention.

            “Well jokes on her because I’m making Butters write it for me anyway.” Cartman says smugly before taking a large bite of his food. His eyes flicker over to Kyle and Kyle quickly glances away.

            Once Cartman swallows his food and washes it down with a large gulp of soda he asks, “So Kyle, how was pottery now that you’re all gimped out?”

            Kyle blinks at the sudden question directed at him and it takes him a moment to formulate a response. “Uh, it was fine. I basically get to pass the final without doing anything so it’s an easy A.”

            Cartman grins and says, “What’d I tell you?” Then he frowns and says, “Man, I wish I’d broken my arm, I bet I could get out of so much shit.”

            Kyle rolls his eyes but Cartman seems to be distracted by whatever idea just popped into his head. Kenny smacks his arm before Cartman can even articulate what he’d been thinking and says, “Dude, no. There’s only two weeks of school left, do you really need to pull some stupid shit now?”

            Cartman seems to ponder this for a moment before he huffs and says, “Eh, you’re right. It wouldn’t really be worth the trouble of getting the stuff and figuring out how to make my own cast.”

            Kyle snorts and says, “Plus, how the hell would you get it off after graduation?”

            Cartman huffs and says in an exasperated voice, “Whatever, I already said I wasn’t gonna do it, don’t kick me while I’m down.”

            Kyle laughs lightly before popping an orange slice into his mouth. This wasn’t as awkward as Kyle had been anticipating; it was all pretty much the same as always. The four of them continued to joke around and bitch about their classes as they eat their lunch and by the time Kyle is finishing up he’s starting to feel reassured that nothing has changed.

Stan and Kenny are busy arguing over whether Lost had a good ending so Kyle decides to go and throw away the remains of his lunch and return his empty tray. Just as Kyle is about to stand up he feels a soft tap on the front of his sneaker. He glances up to see Cartman smirking at him over his soda and he says in a quiet taunt, “Sorry.”

            Kyle feels his cheeks heat up but it isn’t with the irritation he’d felt before on the bus. He doesn’t bother to respond, just snatches his tray off the table and heads over to the trash cans. As Kyle walks across the grimy linoleum he can’t help but recognize the feeling in his stomach as different, different, different.

 

* * *

 

            Kyle’s next class after lunch is advanced social studies and he spends the whole period thinking about the fact that his next class is Biology with Cartman. He hasn’t managed to take a single note by the time the bell rings signaling the end of class and he collects his things with a resigned sigh.

            The first thing he notices upon entering the biology classroom is that the two students who usually sit between himself and Cartman are absent and his stomach does this weird flippy thing. The second thing he notices is that Cartman is looking at him, as if he’d been watching the door, waiting for him to show up. Kyle shakes his head because that definitely wasn’t the case and he needs to stop thinking things like that. Kyle makes his way over to his desk and plops down wordlessly. He pulls out his binder and hopes that they won’t be required to use their textbooks today.

            Of course, as soon as Mrs. Reynold walks through the door she greets them by saying, “We’re going to be reading from chapter 61 today, so everyone open your textbooks to page 231.”

            Kyle squeezes his eyes shut and silently curses the universe as he raises his hand.

            “Yes, Kyle?” Mrs. Reynold asks, raising her immaculate eyebrow.

            “Uh, I still haven’t gotten new textbooks after mine got wet. Can I go down to the library?” He asks.

            She frowns and says, “Why don’t you just share with Eric today and be sure to get your new books before class on Monday.”

            Kyle steals himself and forces himself to hide the frustrated groan that wants to come bubbling out of his chest as he grabs his things and moves two seats over. After he plops down he scoots the desk against Cartman’s so he can look at his book.

            “Long time no see.” Cartman says as he pulls out his large textbook and flips it open to the designated page. He places it between them so that it’s resting halfway on both of their desks.

            Kyle just hums in response and pretends to focus on the small print in the book in front of them. Cartman had apparently already gotten his new books because the pages are smooth and not warped by water.

            The teacher informs them that they should all be taking notes because there will be one last quiz before the year ends and the class let’s out a collective groan.

            “You don’t have to worry about paying for your old books, I already talked to them when I got mine. I told you, you can get away with pretty much anything if you just threaten to sue.” Cartman whispers to him.

            Kyle blinks a few times before responding, “Oh, uh, cool. Thanks.”

            The teacher calls on someone to read and Kyle attempts to take notes but they’re going too fast for him to simultaneously pay attention and write with his left hand. Kyle is surprised to see that Cartman actually takes out a notebook and begins writing things down himself. Kyle has only ever seen Cartman take notes maybe twice in his life, he usually claims that if it’s actually important he’ll just be able to remember it, however most of his grades would argue otherwise. Eventually the teacher calls on Cartman so he leans in close to read out the text on the far page. Kyle diligently ignores the fact that their shoulders are pressed snugly together and tries not to remember when they’d last been sitting like this with their backs against the trees in the forest. After Cartman finishes reading he leans back away and Kyle feels like he can breathe again. By the time they finish reading the segment the teacher had assigned them Cartman has diligently filled up about three fourths of the page with bullet points.

            After a brief lecture Mrs. Reynold puts on a video about the reproduction of cells and advises them to take notes again. The man in the video talks at an agonizingly slow pace in an almost laughably monotone voice that Kyle can’t seem to focus on now matter how hard he tries. The video is basically just reiterating everything that they had just read anyway. Kyle finds himself distracted by Cartman’s pencil as it begins scribbling on his paper again. He glances down to see what exactly Cartman could possibly be gleaning from this pointless video, and finds that rather than taking notes he’s doodling.

            Kyle can’t figure out what he’s drawing at first but eventually he realizes that it’s a large tree with dozens of intricate branches spilling out. Cartman actually adds a lot of detail to the trunk and throws in some shading and Kyle is surprised as it starts to look pretty good. He seems to grow bored with this drawing before he actually adds any leaves and instead moves on to the other side of the paper. Kyle finds himself watching the quick strokes of his pencil with rapt attention and tries to decipher what he might be creating. After a few minutes Cartman has fleshed out the drawing enough that Kyle can tell it’s meant to be a landscape. There’s pretty good perspective work and Kyle wonders how he seems to have missed the fact that Cartman can actually draw pretty well. He’s drawn part of a lake and after he’s done shading the water he moves onto sketching the tall wavy cattails that spring up around the edge of it. After awhile Kyle recognizes it as Stark’s Pond and he’s impressed at the way Cartman has managed to make the lighting on the water and trees appear hazy, like the sun is just finishing setting.

            Kyle is suddenly struck with the fact that there is stuff that he doesn’t know about Cartman, probably lots of stuff. He most likely has other skills and interests that Kyle doesn’t know about and the realization puts a weird feeling in his gut. What feels even weirder is that Kyle realizes that he actually really wants to learn what those things are for some reason. When the bell rings Kyle jumps slightly as he’s startled out of his thoughts and he quickly tears his gaze away from Cartman’s paper.

            As Kyle is shoving his things back into his backpack he’s distracted by Cartman clearing his throat. Kyle looks over to find Cartman tearing the page of notes out of his journal and shoving it at him somewhat awkwardly. Kyle frowns but accepts the paper that’s being thrust at him.

            “Um… what?” Kyle asks, genuinely at a loss about what is happening.

            Cartman just shrugs casually and says, “You can keep ‘em, I’ll remember it all anyway.”

            Kyle stares at him for a few moments, opens and closes his mouth once or twice as he tries to formulate a response. It’s painfully obvious that Cartman had taken the notes specifically for him because Kyle was unable to and Kyle is having a hard time figuring out what words he’s supposed to say. Cartman shuffles his feet and looks around awkwardly so Kyle clears his throat and says, “Oh, uh, thanks.”

            Cartman just shrugs and turns to begin walking toward the exit as he says, “’s not a big deal.”

            Kyle folds the paper carefully against the desk before tucking it safely away in his back pocket before following Cartman out the door.

 

* * *

  

            The rest of the school day passes by pretty uneventfully. Kyle finds himself even more distracted, if that were even possible, but he manages to make it through to the end of the day without having some sort of mental breakdown. Once he’s boarded the bus to take him home he finds himself at a loss for words and instead just sits and listens to the familiar banter of his best friends and tries to let it soothe his muddled mind. As they pull up to their stop and exit the bus Kyle still hasn’t said a word and Stan elbows him softly and whispers, “Dude, you alright?”  
            Kyle flashes him his best reassuring smile and says, “Yeah, I’m just really tired. I’m gonna go home and crash out.”

            “Alright, but we should hang out this weekend. We can do whatever you want.” Stan says with a kind smile, bumping his shoulder lightly with Kyle’s.

            Kyle smiles in return and says, “Yeah, totally. I’ll text you.”

            “See you tomorrow.” Stan replies, giving him a brief side hug before he turns and begins walking in the opposite direction toward his house.

            Kyle goes to say goodbye to Kenny and Cartman as well but the two are still intensely engrossed in the conversation they’d been having on the bus and Kyle can’t find a place to get a word in edge wise. He settles on giving them a little wave that neither of them notices before he turns and starts heading in the direction of his house.

            The day had grown progressively warmer as it had gone on and Kyle had lone ago removed his scarf and shoved it into his backpack. However, he feels himself beginning to sweat now and stops to remove his hoodie and shove that in his bag as well. It’s always a little surreal when it finally begins to actually start feeling like summer in South Park but it puts a nice feeling in his stomach. As he walks he puts his anxieties out of his mind and instead focuses on all the fun things he’ll be able to do with his friends over summer vacation. He wonders if they’ll go on a camping trip again this year.

            By the time he arrives at his front door he feels a lot lighter than he had in the small confines of the bumpy school bus. When Kyle pushes his front door open he’s somewhat relieved to find the house empty. His parents will be at work until around six and Ike is staying late at school for soccer practice. He walks immediately into the living room where he squats down in front of the television to begin rooting around in the cabinet it’s placed on for some DVDs. He honestly just really wants something to focus on and keep his mind from wandering toward Cartman related things, and since video games are out of the question he figures this is his best bet.

            After selecting a small stack he heads up the stairs to his room where he lets his backpack fall onto the floor with a sigh. He closes the door behind himself before tossing the movies onto his bed and reaching down to undo his shoes and kick them into his closet. Next he reaches down to unbutton his pants and wriggle out of them, but just as he’s kicking them to the floor he thinks twice and reaches down to dig his phone and Cartman’s note out of the pockets. He looks at the small square of paper in his hand and he’s tempted to unfold it but instead he just carefully places it on his desk before grabbing his laptop and walking over to his bed. He takes a seat and rearranges his pillows so that his back is comfortably resting against the headboard. He plugs his phone in to charge on his bedside table and he decides on a stupid comedy movie first. He pops the movie into his laptop and removes his beanie, tosses it to the floor as the opening credits roll and he scratches at his head lightly.

            Kyle manages to successfully distract himself through most of the movie while he chuckles at the familiar jokes and when the credits begin to roll his mom pops her head into his room to ask him how school went. He tells her that it was fine and she responds that she’ll have dinner ready in about a half hour.

            Kyle chooses an action movie next but he doesn’t get very far before Ike is yelling at him to come downstairs for food. He sets his laptop down on his bed and makes his way across his room to tug on a pair of pajama pants from his dresser.

            During dinner, which is macaroni and cheese, Kyle’s parents ask him and his brother the same boring questions they always do about school and their friends. Kyle doesn’t really have the energy to give decent responses tonight so he let’s Ike do most of the talking. Ike gives him a suspicious look but thankfully he doesn’t say anything.

            After they finish eating and Kyle helps with the dishes he retreats back up to his room to finish his movie. However, upon arriving he finds that he now can’t seem to focus on it at all. He really wants to care about the exaggerated explosions on screen and the decent plot twist, but again and again he finds his mind wandering to the events of the day. Everything that happened feels like it’s supposed to piece together to mean something but Kyle can’t quite figure out what. The knot of anxiety returns to his stomach and by the time the movie is drawing to a close he huffs and pushes the computer off his lap and get’s up to head toward the bathroom. He quickly pees and brushes his teeth before he pops a few Benadryl and swallows them dry. If he can’t distract himself while he’s awake then he figures that sleep is his best option.

            He settles back down into bed and gets comfortable under the covers before he ejects the movie he’d just been watching and pops in another one. He’s only about a half an hour in when the pills begin to take effect and his eyes droop with drowsiness. Another twenty minutes pass before Kyle has fallen asleep, slumped awkwardly against his pillows, breathing softly.

 

* * *

 

            _Kyle wakes up in his bedroom. He’s lying in bed but his laptop is gone. The room is dimly lit and he wonders if his mother had come in and moved his computer for him or something and where she’d put it. He sits up and stretches his arms over his head, hears his back pop in a satisfying way. He’s suddenly startled by a tapping noise to his left that is definitely not coming from his back. He looks over and yelps when he finds Cartman’s face at his window with an expectant look on his face. Before Kyle can get his bearings enough to climb out of bed and let him in Cartman is smoothly sliding his window open and climbing inside as if he’s done it a million times before, which Kyle thinks is entirely possible. Kyle is almost certain that his window had been locked but he guesses that someone must have unlocked it at some point._

_“Jesus Christ, dude, you scared the shit out of me!” Kyle whisper-yells with his hand pressed against his racing heart._

_Cartman grins and says sheepishly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. You weren’t answering your texts.”_

_Kyle huffs and glances around for his phone but he doesn’t find it anywhere._

_“Well yeah, it’s like the middle of the night, what the hell is so important that you couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Kyle replies snappily._

_Cartman just shrugs and makes his way over toward his bed and plops down next to Kyle’s feet. Kyle also notices that Cartman’s black eye is gone and he wants to ask about it but he’s too distracted by other more pressing matters._

_“You were weird today.” Cartman says, staring at him intently._

_Kyle splutters, “What the fuck? No I wasn’t!”_

_Cartman just grins at him in this knowing way and scoots closer and rests his arm on Kyle’s bent knees. “You definitely were.” He says._

_Kyle kicks his arm off and says indignantly, “Even if I was, what do you care? You thought you just had to sneak over here in the dead of night to tell me I was **weird**? What the hell, dude?”_

_Cartman laughs lightly and says, “No, I came over here because I wanted to tell you that I know **why** you were being weird.”_

_Kyle’s breath catches in his throat and he glances around nervously, waiting for the punch line to this extremely weird joke. “Are you high or something? What the fuck are you talking about Cartman?”_

_Cartman just smirks and scoots in even closer so that he’s leaning against Kyle’s legs again, with the whole side of his body this time. “It’s because we didn’t kiss.” Cartman says this simply like it’s just another fact he’d gotten from his textbook._

_“What?!” Kyle’s voice goes shrill and he leaps backward so hard that his back hits the headboard. “What the hell are you talking about? Seriously, are you drunk or something??” His cheeks burn crimson hot and his breath keeps coming out in short choppy bursts._

_Cartman looks slightly put out that he’s no longer touching Kyle but he just continues on in a matter of fact tone, “When we were in the cave before, we never kissed even though you wanted to. You keep thinking about it, and that’s why you’re acting weird.”_

_Kyle opens and closes his mouth a few times as he splutters and attempts to formulate some kind of response. “I didn’t- I don’t- why- why the hell do you think you know what I want?!” He finally manages to settle on. He realizes that his voice has become pretty loud and he should be concerned about waking his parents up, but for some reason he isn’t._

_Cartman just grins at him and leans in conspiratorially. “Can I tell you a secret?” He asks, lowering his voice slightly._

_Kyle blinks at him and glances around the room wildly as if the answers to his questions lay hidden in the wallpaper. Finally, after a few agonizing moments, he finds himself whispering, “…Sure.”_

_Cartman smiles warmly and Kyle tries not to flinch as he crawls up farther on the bed and crosses his arms before resting them on Kyle’s knees. “This isn’t real.” He says, somewhat gently._

_Kyle frowns and considers shoving him off again but instead forces himself to answer calmly, “What the hell are you talking about?”_

_Cartman gives him a somewhat sympathetic look before continuing slowly, “All of this, it’s not real, you’re just asleep. This is only a dream. Sorry, dude.”_

_Kyle wants to argue but as soon as the words leave Cartman’s lips he’s struck with the bizarre realization that Cartman is telling the truth. He isn’t sure how he knows this for sure, but he does._

_Kyle blinks a few times before he finds himself relaxing slightly and saying in a slightly bewildered tone, “…Oh. Yeah… I guess you’re right.”_

_Cartman just hums and nods encouragingly as he rests his chin on his crossed arms. “So that’s why I know. But don’t worry, I don’t think the real me has any clue.” His words are meant to be reassuring but Kyle’s heart feels like it’s going to hammer right out of his chest._

_“I- no, you don’t know shit, ok? You’re just my stupid brain trying to work out the absolute shit-show that my life has turned into lately. If- If anything you’re just a manifestation of my worst anxieties and if I just ignore you you’ll go away. This… this is just a nightmare.” Kyle tries his hardest to sound self-assured but even to his own ears his words sound like a little kid trying to convince himself of something._

_Kyle forcefully shoves Cartman off of his legs once more and shrinks back as far as he can go against the head of his bed. Cartman seems undeterred however and simply crawls forward farther until he’s looming over Kyle, his arms placed on either side of his legs caging him in. Kyle doesn’t really feel particularly trapped though, in some weird way._

_As Cartman speaks his voice takes on that same silky smooth texture that it had in front of the school that morning and Kyle’s breath catches in his throat as Cartman says, “This doesn’t really seem like a nightmare though, does it Kyle?”_

_“S-says you.” When Kyle is finally able to formulate a response his words come out far quieter than he’d meant them to and he finds himself unable to tear his eyes away from Cartman’s earnest expression._

_Cartman leans in close to Kyle’s face so that his breath is puffing lightly against him and it’s minty the way it had been at school. He says, “This is only a dream, and it’s just harmless curiosity. Just get it over with so you can stop thinking about it.”_

_Kyle vaguely remembers that they had in fact already kissed before in the dream he’d had in the cave, but instead of saying this he keeps quiet. He blinks up at Cartman for a few moments, takes in his dilated pupils and his messy hair. Finally he carefully tilts his chin up to meet his lips. Cartman kisses him softly as he readjusts so that he’s down on his elbows. They disconnect and Kyle wonders if that’s going to be it, just that small chaste action, but then Cartman is tilting his head to get a better angle and kissing him more firmly. His hand comes up to cup Kyle’s cheek and he trails a finger lightly across his chin. Kyle gasps and Cartman takes the opportunity to lick his way into Kyle’s mouth. Kyle’s mind feels fuzzy and distant and he kisses back as best as he can, but his thoughts are reduced to ‘warm, soft, good’._

_When Cartman pulls back Kyle’s cheeks burn redder than he thought possible and he takes quick shallow breaths in an attempt to get more oxygen flowing to his brain. Cartman rubs his finger across Kyle’s bottom lip to wipe away the spit and hums in a pleased manner as he says, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”_

* * *

 

            Kyle wakes up with a sharp gasp, his heart hammering in his chest. He sits up abruptly and immediately notices that his blankets are all tossed askew, his laptop shoved off to the side, still open, playing the menu sequence of the movie he’d fallen asleep to again and again. The clock on his nightstand reads 4:25 AM.

            The second thing Kyle notices is that he’s achingly hard in his pajama pants. He flops back down onto his mattress and takes a few deep steadying breaths before he grabs one of his pillows and smothers it over his own face. He lets out a long frustrated wail that he mostly manages to muffle. Once he’s finished he lies motionless with the pillow over his face for a few moments, attempting to gather his thoughts.

            ‘ _What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why is my brain doing this? Why is this happening to me?? All we did in that stupid dream was kiss, so why am I- UGH!_ ’

            Kyle removes the pillow from his face and takes a few deep but shaky breaths before he glares down at his dick like it’s the cause of every problem in the entire universe. He suddenly sits up again and swings his legs over the side of the bed before getting up and quickly padding his way across his bedroom. Once he get’s to his bedroom door he opens it as quietly as possible before tiptoeing his way to the bathroom. As soon as he’s safely inside he locks the door and begins tugging his clothes off. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he thinks that he looks insane. His hair is frizzy and sticking up in all directions from sleep, his cheeks a deep shade of red, his pupils blown and eyes slightly wild. He quickly looks away and finishes tugging off his pajamas before making his way over to the shower and turning it on as cold as he can stand it. He clenches his teeth and gasps as he climbs in and lets the frigid water pour over him. He has to awkwardly hold his arm out of the spray like he had before. His boner finally seems to get the message and he relaxes slightly. He shivers miserably and rests his forehead against the slick tiles on the wall. He squeezes his eyes shut as he suddenly realizes with dread what he’s going to have to do.

He doesn’t spend too long in the shower once he’s no longer hard, he doesn’t even bother to switch it back to hot before he turns it off and climbs back out. He continues to shiver as he hastily dries himself off and tugs his clothes back on. He hangs his towel up to dry before unlocking the door and quietly slinking his way back to his bedroom. Once he’s closed his door he makes his way over to his bed and flops down on his side. He hastily tugs the blankets back over himself before he unplugs his phone and grabs it off of his bedside table. He stares at it for a few moments with a lump in his throat before he dares to unlock it.

            He types something out, then he erases it. He tries again but ends up deleting it once more with a frustrated grunt. Finally he decides on, “Are you awake? I need to talk to you about something”. He grits his teeth and he can feel a migraine building behind his temples as he stares at it for a long time.

            Finally he steals himself and taps send before dropping his phone and shoving his face into his pillow with a groan. Only about a minute passes before his phone chimes loudly and Kyle actually flinches at the noise. He’s almost too terrified to pick up his phone and check Kenny’s response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sense, Sensibility - Andrew Jackson Jihad 
> 
> "So you'll go your way and I'll go mine, I hope we meet up later on down the line.  
> So you'll go forward and I'll go back, I hope we catch up with each other on the track."
> 
> This song is so perfect for this chapter guys. Also I'm so sorry about how insanely long this update took! I get writers block really bad and lose all motivation for months at a time but your comments are so important to me and they always manage to inspire me and get me writing again so thank you so much ❤ it makes me feel so good that people are actually invested in this story and I'm really excited for you to see how it's all going to play out! I have so many plans for this fic and I swear that I won't abandon it, even though I may get distracted at times. I'm really excited about the next chapter and it will hopefully be published within the next couple of weeks. After this I think I'll try and keep the chapters a little shorter so I can update more often.  
> -Maddy

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the fanfic: "Hospital Beds" By: The Cold War Kids
> 
> Hello c: All of the chapter titles are lyrics or song titles from my Kyman playlist which I swear I'll post a link to at some point :P I'm honestly just really bad at thinking of names for things but if you guys end up liking some of the songs than that's a bonus too   
> I want to create a story where these two characters are thrown into a situation that forces them to work together and talk in ways they normally wouldn't. (because let's face it, they would never talk about anything unless forced to)  
> This story is going to be an exploration of their relationship and how it grows and develops from this incident. I hope you enjoy!  
> -Maddy


End file.
